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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When tradesmen call you 'darling'

210 replies

Marie0001 · 31/03/2023 11:27

I just had a call from a Dyno Rod appointment - they are coming out today to fix an issue and the man was perfectly polite but then proceeded to call me darling on the phone. This does make me feel uncomfortable! AIBU?

OP posts:
704703hey · 31/03/2023 12:55

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 12:42

Annoying, as I think it has sexist connotations (they don't refer to men by terms of endearment)

But it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, that's a bit much

Oh yes they do; I referred to my father upthread being called 'me lover'. WHAT DO EE WANT, ME LOVER? I blinked a bit at that one. West Country thing perhaps.

If there were any leering I'd feel differently about it but if it's general terms it's harmless. There are far more important things to get worked up about

Number1number2 · 31/03/2023 12:55

It annoys me.

When I've been contacting tradespeople though messenger or email I have not chosen the ones who called me 'love' or 'hun' - I think it's patronising.

I do think it's regional though

ConstanceOcean · 31/03/2023 12:56

YABU

There is absolutely no reason to feel uncomfortable with someone saying this.

Sir Ian Mckellen did a lovely interview about how when he went up North someone called him love and he thought it was amazing and thinks everyone should call each other love all of the time.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2023 12:57

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 12:42

Annoying, as I think it has sexist connotations (they don't refer to men by terms of endearment)

But it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, that's a bit much

Yes they do.

ConstanceOcean · 31/03/2023 12:57

704703hey · 31/03/2023 12:55

Oh yes they do; I referred to my father upthread being called 'me lover'. WHAT DO EE WANT, ME LOVER? I blinked a bit at that one. West Country thing perhaps.

If there were any leering I'd feel differently about it but if it's general terms it's harmless. There are far more important things to get worked up about

Show quote history

I’m Cornish it’s definitely a West Country thing 😁

Cupcakequeen75 · 31/03/2023 12:58

No issue.
If you were in Nottingham it would probably have been "duck, me duck, my duck" etc.
I remember the coalman (remember them?) calling my mum "Dorris", couldn't understand why at the time but in later life realised it was just a cheerful term. 😁

704703hey · 31/03/2023 12:59

ConstanceOcean · 31/03/2023 12:57

I’m Cornish it’s definitely a West Country thing 😁

Show quote history

❤️

araiwa · 31/03/2023 12:59

What on earth are you doing speaking to a tradesman in the first place? Someone so far below you.. don't you have staff to deal with such matters?

needcheese · 31/03/2023 13:02

Back in the 90’s everyone near me was cock or cocker.

alreet cock
cheers cocker

used for men and women!

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 31/03/2023 13:03

I like it. It's a term of good natured endearment unless it's said in a patronising manner.

CherryHouse · 31/03/2023 13:04

I like it. Also appreciate whistles in the street, but it’s been a decade or so since I’ve had any of those 😂

anunlikelyseahorse · 31/03/2023 13:06

'Pet' in a Geordie accent gives me a warm fuzzy feeling...regardless if it's man or woman...just love the Geordie accentGrin

IsaiditwasLighthearted · 31/03/2023 13:06

Itmustbewinetimenow · 31/03/2023 11:52

Darling is better than Hun. I hate being called “ Hun” either by males of females. But that’s just my hang up.

Oh god me too. Hun gives me the rage. Not quite sure why, but it's visceral. Grin

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 31/03/2023 13:07

My Grandfather was from Leicestershire and addressed people with ‘me duck’.

Sugarfish · 31/03/2023 13:08

Aww I quite like it. Makes me feel nice. To me it feels different from a wolf whistle as generally it’s someone calling me it when I’m already engaging with them, whereas a wolf whistle is usually demanding my attention.

Not that I get many wolf whistles these days lol

AprilSmiles · 31/03/2023 13:09

I don't mind "duck" as it's the only one I've come across that's gender neutral and I've genuinely heard men call each other "me duck". Possible exception also to the West Country and "moy luvver". I disagree with previous posters who say that men call each other "love" or "darling" (certainly not in the South where I live now). I do find it patronising - why do they need to call me love or flower or darling? If they can't remember my name, that's fine!

I have made an absolute point of calling any tradesman "darling" if he calls me darling first.

(I also hate "hun" from other women but I think that's because I'm a snob rather than a feminist.)

kimberleybimberley · 31/03/2023 13:11

FellOnMyArseToDay · 31/03/2023 12:51

Unclench. You won’t need to call dyno rod once a month.

really? Of all the shit women have to deal with. He was polite to you. Called you darling. It’s annoying but count your blessings. Spend some time on here and see the actual discrimination women have to poke up with everyday. I hope you are ok

Can i just point out that despite you being quite attractive, you're too short to go on the big rides at Alton Tower

ConstanceOcean · 31/03/2023 13:12

needcheese · 31/03/2023 13:02

Back in the 90’s everyone near me was cock or cocker.

alreet cock
cheers cocker

used for men and women!

I remember being called a cock and I thought it was an insult!

Luckily I was stunned into silence so I didn’t embarrass myself by getting offended and then I heard several other people calling each other the same and realised that I wasn’t being called a dick 😁

Comtesse · 31/03/2023 13:13

I wouldn’t have a fit about it but I would kind of tut in my head. A policeman calling me darling? No flipping way - that’s out of order. I call him Officer and he calls me darling? NOPE.

needcheese · 31/03/2023 13:14

ConstanceOcean · 31/03/2023 13:12

I remember being called a cock and I thought it was an insult!

Luckily I was stunned into silence so I didn’t embarrass myself by getting offended and then I heard several other people calling each other the same and realised that I wasn’t being called a dick 😁

Show quote history

😂😂😂

Scunnered123 · 31/03/2023 13:16

I don't like it, but I liked it even less when a male colleague (someone I'd only met once before) used it.

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 13:18

I'm from East Midlands. It's pretty much just a few older (retired) people say that here. I don't like it and I'd probably pick someone up about it. It's very over familiar and nakes me want to snap I'm not your darling! I would address it in a 'pleasant' way though.
I accept that many consider it harmless or a term of endearment, but it's not really appropriate to address a stranger that way. Darling in often used as a put down by aggressive men, Dear is almost sarcastic....to me.

Rockychair · 31/03/2023 13:25

I absolutely love being called sweetheart/darling/love/queen by anybody. It’s a friendly gesture and makes me smile. I use those terms all the time

Deathbyfluffy · 31/03/2023 13:27

Blimey, whatever next?
It's a common informal greeting. Next people will be upset that the sky is blue.

Cosyblankets · 31/03/2023 13:27

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

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