To think I'm making life difficult for myself, or is parenting just this hard??

[AliceAbsolum]

DD is 4 months next week. Ebf. Every evening after about 5pm she's very unsettled. Screams the house down. I think she would happily go to bed at 6pm because she's over tired, but 1, it's against SIDs advice to have her upstairs and 2, she can never fall asleep alone anyway. If she's not in the pram or carseat she will only breastfeed to sleep.
So I end up going to bed at 7pm just to stop the screaming. But I don't like it as I want to actually see DH and have an evening. Let alone when it's going to be light and warm outside.
What would we do if we had other kids?
Am I missing something here?

Oh and if I breastfeed her to sleep then come downstairs she just wakes up and screams!

Can you put her to sleep in a moses basket or crib downstairs, then transfer to bed after the last evening feed? Thats what we did, put DS to bed around half 6 in the living room with us, then took him up at 11pmish after feeding.

That’s the reality of the early days of EBF sometimes. Just remember it’s not forever, it will pass and you’ll get your evening’s back. I remember how hard those early days were, solidarity here.

We would have our son in the living room with us for his last nap of the evening. Meant we could watch TV and relax. He woke every 3 hours or so until I weaned just after 1 so sleep was pretty sporadic that first year! He's much better now at 18 months if it is any consolation. Pregnant with my second so praying for a better sleeper this time around! xx

I just used to let them sleep in me downstairs in the evenings. They'd feed and chill on my chest and me and DP would watch telly or chat. Sometimes if wack them in the sling and we'd play a boardgame.

It also meant I could feed them and they'd sleep on DP if I wanted to go for a long shower or do something. It doesn't last forever and no matter what anyone says you won't be making a rod for your own back or anything daft like that

We had ours sleep in the sitting room with us then put them to bed properly when we went. It is invaluable to be able to move a sleeping baby.

Yes, just let her sleep downstairs with you then take her up for the next feed - it was usually around the time I wanted to go to bed anyway.

But how did you get them to sleep in the living room? If we put her down she screams her head off!

How many naps is she having? At 4 months mine would still have happily have a short nap (about 20 mins) around 5 then be happier in the early evening before going down around 8ish.

And about 4 months I would leave them for an hour or so in the evening. Yes against advice so do decide for yourself on that but I was happy with there being no other risk factors and it being a short time only.

I just fed mine in the evening and they napped on dh or I chest or in bouncer chair if they would be put down. Usually around 7pm after we had eaten. Then they would want feeding again at 9pm which is when I would head upstairs as tired then myself.

Another one for letting her sleep downstairs. We had a long living/dining room, so used to wheel DD up and down in the pram until she feel asleep, then we'd put her, in the pram, in the kitchen with doors open while we watched a bit of TV. Putting the washing machine on used to help her sleep too.

It's hard - but this phase will pass. You'll be a lot more relaxed with your second, third, fourth..... ;)

(I remember telling a friend that her 4th baby was crying upstairs in bed once. She said "she'll stop when she wears herself out" :))

Like others have said, we kept ours downstairs with us at this age. We would find a series to watch, turn the lights down and get comfy on the sofa. Sometimes the baby would go in the moses basket for a bit, but more often than not we took turns holding them and just tried to enjoy the snuggles. It doesn't last that long in the grand scheme of things.

It's not forever. I just went to bed when my son did. Sometimes my husband and I would watch a movie together in bed on the laptop with headphones on while our son slept in the next-to-me. Sometimes I was tired and happy to have time alone in bed to watch something by myself or read a book. I enjoyed the enforced chill out time and it was nice to be all cosy in bed with my little boy snoozing beside me.

It does change. He's 18 months now and goes to bed at 7 in his own room which gives us 3-4 hours of time to ourselves in the evening. If you're feeling a bit cabin fever with it all, just remember it will pass. Have a think about when you want to move him to his own room and make a plan for the transition. That will help you feel better.

I just let mine fall asleep on me and then put them in the Moses basket on repeat until they just accepted that’s where I stashed them when my snacks needed more attention. Maybe warm the cot first with a hot water bottle you fish out before the baby goes in if you think it’s the change of temperature?

Also now it’s lighter in evening, have dinner, then take baby for walk in pram. Hopefully they fall asleep and you can wheel them back in to continue nap a while

Either a contact nap where one of us would hold him or we put him in the sleepyhead next to us on the couch. I know they are not recomended for unsupervised sleep but we were always there.

Hello! Mine slept on me or DP in the living room until about 10pm. We had the TV on quietly. Then he'd wake about 10, we'd do a nappy change, take him upstairs, bf and put to sleep in the next to me.

I used to spend evenings with dc asleep in a sling on me - often eating dinner one handed 😂 then transfer when I wanted to go to bed.

@AliceAbsolum I could have written this post.
It is so hard in those early days!
I totally understand how you feel about wanting to have an evening with your DH.
I EBF my DD so it was all on me. She never took a bottle.
I'll honestly say I didn't really get back an evening until 18 months. And when I say evening, it could be - DD would go down at 7pm and then wake an hour later....sleep for 4/5 hours and then awake for 15 mins ..up at 6am. I had it easy compared to some friends !!

DD is now 4. And has slept through from around 2.5 years but it's not every night.

The early years are really hard but you will get into your rhythm l. It also makes you really appreciate those evenings or few hours you get to yourself in the evening.

What got me though was finding great podcasts and go to bed when baby went to sleep...
It got me through and I could relax at least.
It's a hard transition- but you can do this!

FWIW I think 4 months is the hardest time. I think you just have to get through however you can. 6 months could be completely different. Just be with the baby, if that is what she needs to sleep, upstairs or downstairs, whichever is most tolerable for you, and by the time true summer comes it could well be possible for her to have a separate bedtime and you to have an evening without her. Just hang in there for now.

When my kids were little, I would sit on the couch and binge watch shows with DH with a baby attached to the boob, asleep, from 7-10. You need to do what you need to survive and be happy. DH and I loved this arrangement as it gave us an excuse to be lazy. I miss those days. It doesn't last forever so if I were in your shoes I'd just plop myself on the sofa and ask DH to watch Netflix with me.

Have you tried the pram in the house with a Rockit? They are amazing.

We didn't need it with our first, but I remembered someone years ago telling me they weren't getting a cot / basket for downstairs because they were just going to use the pram. So we did that with our second and it worked well.

I also did put them upstairs on their own for a short time in the evening before they were 6 months. I can't remember when, probably from just over 4 months. If you don't want to, then absolutely don't and I understand why the guidelines are there and are important. But every baby is different and 6 months isn't a magic cut off switch. Full term babies can be born 5 weeks difference in gestation, babies grow and develop at different rates. I bought a breathing monitor pad and checked on them regularly, then went in to sleep with them after the first feed.

I'd let them sleep on the boob on a feeding cushion while we watched TV. Used to hear of friends stuck in a bedroom upstairs all night and wondered if i was doing it wrong but I have fond memories of that period.