To think I'm making life difficult for myself, or is parenting just this hard??

[AliceAbsolum]

DD is 4 months next week. Ebf. Every evening after about 5pm she's very unsettled. Screams the house down. I think she would happily go to bed at 6pm because she's over tired, but 1, it's against SIDs advice to have her upstairs and 2, she can never fall asleep alone anyway. If she's not in the pram or carseat she will only breastfeed to sleep.
So I end up going to bed at 7pm just to stop the screaming. But I don't like it as I want to actually see DH and have an evening. Let alone when it's going to be light and warm outside.
What would we do if we had other kids?
Am I missing something here?

Get a seat that swings like https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/185757513152?mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338365712&toolid=20006&customid=EB112410132&

Saved my sanity. also helps them get wind out

Mine was similar and I just just fed her then held her while she slept and I would watch tv. Or you could put her in a wrap or carrier and just carry her about. Totally depends how you want to do it. If you really want her to go to sleep without you there you will probably need to tough it out with some other settling techniques until she isn’t used to be fed anymore.

Both mine had witching hours from around 7-10pm every night where they just screamed. Very normal for newborns and not linked to feeding method.

Around 4 months it got better and we could start putting them to bed in the evening. We did a bath and bedtime routine and put them to sleep in their cot in their room. Then DH would bring them in to our room at 10pm for a feed before we went to bed.

We don't smoke and I was breastfeeding so our risk of SIDS was already really low. Eldest also had a dummy which reduced his risk even more.

It's normal and it's a phase. Just do your best to get through it.

This 100%.

Maternal mental health is so important and saying someone is gambling with their baby's life is downright nasty and completely over the top. We all love our children and make the best decisions for them. Using a sleep pod or leaving a baby to sleep in their own room at 5 months with a monitor- if it allows the mother to have some time to rest- is not going to cause your baby to die.

Four months is still early. It’s draining. I have a 14 y/o, almost 3 y/o and a 14 month old. Infants are draining. Toddlers are exhausting. Teens are an entirely different type of work.
As this is your first, I understand wondering why it’s so hard and what you’re doing wrong. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong. It sounds like you have a 4 month old and are doing your best to meet her needs. (Remember, being close to you is a need for such a young infant.)
Things will change. She’ll eventually let you put her down to sleep. She’ll eventually sleep for longer stretches. She’ll eventually go to sleep without needing to nurse. I won’t tell you to “enjoy this stage” or that “you’ll miss it” because not all of us do, but I will tell you sound like a wonderful loving mother.

I think 4 months is a hard age and they start wanting to feed more in the evenings. I can remember sitting breastfeeding mine for hours sometimes trying to get them to sleep. It was awful at times when you just wanted a break in the evening. It will pass soon and hopefully they will start feeding better and sleeping more during the night. Could you try a bottle on an evening to get them to have more milk and hopefully to go sleep better? If you can leave them upstairs I don't think it is a terrible thing if you have a monitor and check on them regular.