To think I'm making life difficult for myself, or is parenting just this hard??

[AliceAbsolum]

DD is 4 months next week. Ebf. Every evening after about 5pm she's very unsettled. Screams the house down. I think she would happily go to bed at 6pm because she's over tired, but 1, it's against SIDs advice to have her upstairs and 2, she can never fall asleep alone anyway. If she's not in the pram or carseat she will only breastfeed to sleep.
So I end up going to bed at 7pm just to stop the screaming. But I don't like it as I want to actually see DH and have an evening. Let alone when it's going to be light and warm outside.
What would we do if we had other kids?
Am I missing something here?

Yes you are missing something. 7pm put the baby the bed for heavens sake baby monitor on for you downstairs and enjoy your evening. You really are making this harder for no reason.

My middle one got over tired and screamy at that age. I’d take him for a walk/sleep at 5pm and give him a nap so he could make it through to bedtime.

Sids advice is to have the baby near you till they are 6 months this is what the Op is following.

I wasn’t breastfeeding by that point but it was about then I did start to put him down upstairs as I felt his sleep was being disturbed constantly being in the living room with us. I started doing the bath/bed routine, jammies on and into bed so I could then go down and have dinner with my husband. I found it really calmed everything down. He would get overtired and screamed for so long late afternoon/early evening. I had a breathing alarm on his nappy, a monitor on him and I’d go back in every so often to check on him. I think the sids risk massively reduces by 4 months but obviously the advice is 6 months to sleep in their own room. After dinner sometimes I’d go for a bath with the door open just outside our bedroom and then go for an early bed anyway but it made it feel like I actually had a night instead of all that faff with the Moses basket or pram and him constantly waking

Bracing myself for what will come my way for admitting this but: both my (breastfed, for the poster who said this makes a difference) babies were being put to bed in the evening with a monitor on by this age. I felt it was a very small risk and this made a massive difference both to my sanity and to them - neither of them would stay asleep downstairs with lights and TV on by that point, and the choices were either have them unsettled through the evening downstairs or me (or DH) go and sit in a dark room from 7pm. As you note, the latter was even more impractical for DS2. I'm not saying anyone else should do it because I did, but I think it's dishonest to pretend that everyone else is doing what OP is doing.

@TomatoFrog appreciate your advice and I know it is coming from a good place. I’m comfortable with my parenting choices and monitor my baby closely.

Our first baby's "witching hour" was usually around four hours every evening for the first seven months or so, gradually getting shorter and shorter. In that time I would just boob to sleep on my lap and continue with my eve...eating one handed and watching TV or my husband would have baby in the sling doing cooking etc if baby was happy (similar to yours rarely able to sleep in the carrycot in lounge). No SIDS risk but also an evening.

Some friends have been going to bed from 7pm since birth too. Sounds grim.

My DS cried every night from 5-8pm unless held and gently jiggled. We had to do tag team parenting taking it in turns to eat. It won’t last forever and you will have something equally perplexing to deal with once this stops.

Apologies if anyone has said this upthread, but have you tried a dummy? My DD was exactly the same and a dummy was an absolute game changer. She only had it for sleep and stopped using it at 1, no probs at all.

Your thread has just brought back so many memories of DS2 in the evening that I had completely forgotten!

He was a screaming nightmare in the evenings. I sympathise, it's so difficult and draining.

I took DS to a baby massage class. I did find that a post dinner bath, followed by a little massage (especially the gas release moves) seemed to get him in a relaxed mood and made him more receptive to a sleepy evening.

I did then feed him to sleep on the sofa and let him sleep on me until I wanted to go to bed.

Well this is what happens but it's short term.
Things will start changing especially so after 6-9 months but a lot in year 1-2.

Another vote for having her sleep downstairs near you in the evening. Good to get used to sleeping with some noises around like TV and talking

How do you get her to sleep upstairs?
Ours slept downstairs until 11 when we went to bed until 6 months. Dinner holding baby and eating one handed if necessary, bouncer, moses, whatever worked.

Your "no reason" is SIDS safe sleeping guidance. So no, not for no reason.

4 months is a very painful time. Just do whatever works. Weaning improves things after a few months.

At that age i just kept my (bottle fed) babies downstairs with me. They just slept in our arms while we watched tv. Then maybe sling or bouncy chair while we ate dinner

DS would sleep on me or DH in the living room at this age - we’d have the tv on low and chat etc. Otherwise I would have been in bed like you. Learned this from a mum of 4 who advised letting them sleep while activities go on around them. (DS actually slept alone perfectly until 4 months then sleep regression hit!)

You don't get evenings when you have a baby. Reduce your expectations.

My DD would sleep on me or DH of an evening and then we'd all just go up to bed together.
She's 19 months now but we have a 3 month old DS and we are doing the same with him.
I wear him in a sling for most of the day as it makes it easier to do things with DD and then at night my DH normally holds him to sleep so I can get a bit of down time.
DD actually has a late bedtime so she's usually up aswell and we all go up to bed together.

Its normal for babies and toddlers to be really grumpy by 5pm.
I put my babies to bed at 6, upstairs, in their own room. Nobody died. If you're an anxious parent use a baby monitor.

Or, put her in the pram in the hall, downstairs.

DD would sleep on us, or in the sleepyhead between DH and me in the evening (the 5-9/10 shift). Then one of us would go upto bed while the other waited for her to wake for her feed (usually about 11ish) and then bring her up to the crib in our bedroom.

She didn't go upstairs independently until 5/6 months.

I know the SIDS advice but we started putting both of ours to sleep in their own rooms with a baby monitor so we could hear them around that age. They wanted to sleep in the quiet and dark and we wanted out evenings back. They’re both fine, now aged 11 and 20. But obviously it’s your risk to weigh up and take. The risk to my mental health by not having my own time vs the very small risk of Sids was worth doing it to us.

Long time ago but we used to solve this by having our main meal of the day at lunchtime (theory being there'd therefore be more milk ready for evening) and also by having a rich drink (Tigers Milk, do people still make that?) around 4pm.

Keep your baby with you, happily suckling, while you enjoy your evening.