To have told DD6 the truth about Santa?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

A bit of an unseasonable thread, but it started as her questioning the existence of the Easter bunny, as a few things didn't add up to her about the school's easter egg hunt. We've never made a thing of the easter bunny, but have had egg hunts at home so I eventaully said 'yes it's the parents that hide the eggs'. I wish I hadn't as her train of thought went to the tooth fairy, then Santa. I wanted her to believe for a couple more years, as she still seems so little. I tried being vague saying along the lines of 'well we have to believe to keep the magic alive etc.....'. She wasn't to be fobbed off though and outright asked me if Santa was real and got the presents. In the end I felt I couldn't outright lie, so told her I didn't know whether Santa was real, but it is the parents that buy the gifts, and explained the tradition around that.

Well.....last night and this morning it is like the bottom has dropped out of her world. She is really upset and says she wishes she didn't know, that she feels there is no more magic in the world. I just don't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She was so dejected going into school today, but she knows she can't say anything to her friends (I did have a quick word with the teacher). Has anyone else been through this, when a young child has been so upset? Was I unreasonable, should I just have lied?? Although I do believe she is upset, she is a bit of a dramatic child, and I think may be playing up to this abit. I feel awful and she is probably picking up on this. Arrrgh....any advice??? TIA.

Her daughter is so going to tell others

Why didn’t you just tell her that the real Easter Bunny come visit her at home (as you said you did egg hunts there before) but that the school wanted to do something fun and special too so arranged a egg hunt there also and some of the “younger ones” might think it was the real Easter Bunny that did it but we know she only comes to the house and it was a pretend one (wink wink makes her feel grown up and involved by keeps the magic). Haven’t you ever had to explain why there are multiple Santas everywhere?! Seems bit ott to have gone for “it’s not real” option for a 6 year old.

Honestly at 6 years old I think you were massively unreasonable. She's a baby. I honestly don't understand why you didn't lie.

You had really really better hope that she sticks to her word and doesn't breathe a word in school or you will have a host of a angry parents at your door.

Yeah you've made a mistake with this one. Nothing you can do now obviously though! Just hope she keeps it to herself, although I would work on the assumption she may not.

When my child started to ask questions I answered some things but mainly said 'what do you want to believe?'

So I have never fully gone black and white this is what happens but eventually must have worked it out

Such dramatic replies 😂

Yes OP could have lied, but sometimes children just catch you off guard.
My DD asked about the Easter Bunny when she was 7. She said it in a 'I know it's you, so just admit it' kind of way. I told her the truth and she looked really sad and never mentioned it again until a couple of years later.

When asked a direct question, it can be difficult to look your child in the eye and lie. Especially if you weren't expecting it.

You had really really better hope that she sticks to her word and doesn't breathe a word in school or you will have a host of a angry parents at your door.

And this is just silly! You do realise that not all families have the same beliefs/ traditions??

Honestly OP don't worry about it!

I think it's not a big thing and she will settle. My almost 6 yr olds go to a school in central London where I'd say the majority of children are other religions (we are atheists) and so these kids have been telling mine since reception that Santa is not real as their parents don't do anything for Xmas at all . It doesn't mean we don't still enjoy that magic of Christmas and stockings and leaving stuff out for Santa etc. the magic is still there.

I don't think she's being dramatic, I would have been devastated being told this at 10! (I loved believing in magic, what can I say?)

However I am the worst liar in the world so could imagine myself getting into this kind of pickle.

It's done now, so I would lay on the love and care and consideration for a while. Try and find some really cool and fun things to do together? Maybe talk about the wonders of the universe and science????

I kind of get it, as my DS asked outright aged 9 in a way that wouldn’t be fobbed off. I tried and eventually gave in to the hundredth ‘but just tell me the truuuuth’ plead. Both he and I wished I had kept trying to shut it down afterwards but you can’t take it back. Six is really little but I understand not wanting to keep going with a lie to them when they’re questioning so hard.
I believe my son when he says he didn’t tell anyone else though. He certainly didn’t tell his younger brother.

None of these things are real.

Adults lying to their children is ridiculous, especially as they mock actual religious people.

She asked you for the truth, you tried to tell her the truth. Always tell her the truth.

Well I would have handled it differently, but you've done it now, no point in beating yourself up.

Just warn her not to tell other children and concentrate on enjoying your Easter. It's not the end of the world.

She's being dramatic. She'd obviously worked it out anyway hence all the probing questions. She might be sad for a short while but she'll be fine soon. There's no reason for you to feel awful at all! Kids work it out at different ages and 6 is a normal age to develop some critical thinking.

I wouldn't worry about what she tells the other kids either. I was never a Santa believer and I told my entire primary school class he wasn't real when I was 5 or 6. There was drama and a few tears but no outraged parents came after mine. Not that I had any remorse, apparently I just said "the TRUTH is more important" - I was rather a know-it-all and a right little madam.

@gannett

calling a 6 year old “dramatic” in this scenario is a bit…. Odd

Oh OP, you were totally unreasonable. She is only 6!!!! Poor baby. Of course she is going to be devastated.

I think you did the right thing. We teach kids not to lie, what message does it send if you lie yourself? Especially when she’s already ‘on to you’.

She asked you the direct question and you gave an honest answer, don’t beat yourself up. Tell her about all the magic in the world that comes from family, friendship, imagination, nature, it’s everywhere. Look for the magic in the everyday.

Is the user name a 'coincidence'?

I'm not sure there's much you can do now but maybe at Christmas you could pretend you don't know where one of the presents came from and make a big thing of it and be shocked that you thought Santa wasn't real but now you're not so sure and let her come to the conclusion that he must be?

She is really upset and says she wishes she didn't know, that she feels there is no more magic in the world

Such profound words for a 6 year old.

It's done now. Very little you can do to bring it back. I'd get a conversation planned about death in your head incase she asks you about that and you're unprepared and can't fob her off.

I agree with this. I find lying to my child more damaging than preserving some patriarchal version of "magic".

Love is magic. Kindness is magic. Some old white dude deciding whether you're 'good' enough for material rewards is just a watered-down version of Christianity meant to enforce compliance in young children.

We never introduced any of these concepts to DD. Society insisted (playgroups, schools, shops, complete strangers) so she played along with it for a bit. Never any encouragement either way from us. She decided the idea of a fairy who took children’s teeth was just weird and she didn’t want any part of that.

She worked out at 7 that Santa would have to travel faster than the speed of light to do what people said he did and that was that. We talked about being respectful of others and she’s never told anyone that he isn’t real.

It’s a bit sad if you consider a life without Santa to be “joyless”. There is joy in many many other things. We don’t really celebrate Xmas so it would be bizarre to big up this made up character.

Surely there are lots of other things that are magic about Christmas?

@NotAHouse @OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide i completely agree with both of you!

Thank you @HazyDragon ....this makes me feel a bit better. It did catch me off guard, and they way she questioned was very direct, so to have lied I would have had to outright lie and be very convincing, which just didn't feel right. I just wish it had been in a couple of years time though as she does seem so young!