Husband wants to return home

[Aussiewife]

My first ever post so forgive any mistakes. I am from the UK, my husband is Australian. We have been together 11 years and married 5. We have 2 kids under 5.
We have lived in the UK for the last 7 years. Before that we lived together in Australia for 3 years. We met while he was travelling the UK and I moved to Australia to be with him.
When we moved to the UK he never saw it as a permanent thing and I always agreed we would one day return to Australia. However every time he has suggested returning, he has always agreed to stay in the UK for a few more years.
Now he is desperate for us to move there in 2 years when our mortgage ends. I feel sick at the thought of it. We have a good life here, a nice house, well paid jobs and our children are very happy. I just can't imagine moving them, especially our eldest away from all his friends and everything they know.
We are in South England and all my family in Scotland so we have no family support nearby. Although we see my parents monthly and the kids are very close to them. I have one sibling and they live in Australia so moving to Australia would mean being closer to them and it would be nice for our kids to grow up with their cousins. We would living in the same city as my sibling. My husbands parents would be 2 hours away.
I just can't imagine leaving our life here. Aibu to tell my husband I don't want to go?
Sorry its for the long post.

true, think litterbox hangs out with the wrong crowd !

Don't do it OP. Stay where you are. The hit to your earnings will all too easily become "it's not worth for you to work" and then you're stuck in his home country with two small kids, and you may not be allowed to return home.

The absolute irony of people calling all of Australia "racist". Yes, there is a lot of racism here, but I've seen plenty in the UK too--one of my dearest friends was called a "bogtrotter" at an elite London university by the support staff there (in fairness they didn't realise he was in the room, so that makes it ok, I guess?!). Yes, people (not me) are into sport here but they don't have to separate team supporters in sport grounds. Some Dads are useless here, but nearly every other post on Mumsnet is about a useless Dad. Yes, things are expensive, but I earn double in dollars what I would earn in pounds for the next level up in my job in London.

None of this helps the OP, of course, who needs to have a tricky conversation with her DH to figure out what they will do next. But FFS, get a hold of yourselves and your superiority complex.

Do you think we are different? What makes you think the classic "Australia is racist and sexist" is not ignorant, xenophobic and demonstrates a complete lack of understanding about Australians?

We all react emotionally when we are insulted for no apparent reason except personal phobias, intransigence and lack of engaging in a mature conversation without slagging off 22 million people as racist and sexist.

MN is a classic for the usual posters insulting anyone from any country - France, EU countries, America, Canada, India etc etc, in their nationalistic frenzy supporting being British. They are ignorant, they don't know what they are talking about, they usually quote a friend of a friend, living in OZ 20 years ago/ arriving with a student/working visa, or keep bleating the same stereotypes they read in the DM.

So yes, if someone calls me a racist and sexist for no reason, my first response is "don't come then". Surely it's a logical consequence for the insult?

OP, you need to have a frank conversation with your DH with complete honesty. You don't want to leave the UK and have strong reasons why you don't want to do it. In your case, I'll do the same.

But he needs to know.

Spot on

The OP isn't unreasonable for changing her mind - no one can say for certain how they will feel before they've actually had children. It does change things. She isn't lying, she's mulling over her thoughts snd feelings before discussing it.
It's unreasonable to hold people to agreements they made when children were theoretical and not real!

Lots of people come to realise that their parents are ageing and might need support and decide not to moves as far away as they can get, while still being on the same planet! I wouldn't leave mine.

This is a danger in marrying someone from a different country and that's a risk the OP's husband took too. And let's be real - if the relationship goes pear shaped, it's usually the woman who has the kids and the financial struggles of being a single parent. A sensible woman wouldn't risk that in a country where her new job is less well paid than her existing one. Already posters have suggested he might return to Australia without her and the kids, as if that's an acceptable thing. No one really considers seriously a mother leaving her kids to return to her home country because realistically mothers rarely do.

I wouldn't move - the disadvantage is all yours. Leaving parents, leaving well paid job, not having freedom to return home. Aging parents and having the responsibility of children does change things.

Why does your husband want to move back? It sounds like what you have in the UK is better than what you could have in Oz?

But you need to have a conversation with him and be honest that you feel settled and don’t want to move.

I feel so sorry for both of you, but especially for him to be honest.

The scenario that everyone is warning you about, being trapped in a country you don't want to be in because of your children, is the scenario he is already facing.

To be completely honest, I would move. You have family out there, including your own sibling and their cousins on your side. Your parents are far away anyway and can come to visit you and your sibling together a few times a year.

Your children are young and will settle well.

You owe to your DH to try - you've been over here for a while and he's not happy

I've lived in Perth for ten years and don't recognise the Australia that litterbox is describing either. As for the OPs dilemma, I had no interest in emigrating until I was in my 40s, and changed my mind. It was the best decision I ever made, just wish I'd done it sooner! But its a personal decision for everyone, and not a decision that can be forced. My husband never forced a decision on me, if he had tried we would still be living in Ireland.

@Holly60 that's not always the case though. Just paying for popping to Australia isn't like popping to Spain - I have friends who haven't seen their parents face to face for 5 years. They can't afford to go

@Holly60 To ’just pop over’ would be £9000 just for the flights for our family of four. It’s not like it used to be.