Husband wants to return home

[Aussiewife]

My first ever post so forgive any mistakes. I am from the UK, my husband is Australian. We have been together 11 years and married 5. We have 2 kids under 5.
We have lived in the UK for the last 7 years. Before that we lived together in Australia for 3 years. We met while he was travelling the UK and I moved to Australia to be with him.
When we moved to the UK he never saw it as a permanent thing and I always agreed we would one day return to Australia. However every time he has suggested returning, he has always agreed to stay in the UK for a few more years.
Now he is desperate for us to move there in 2 years when our mortgage ends. I feel sick at the thought of it. We have a good life here, a nice house, well paid jobs and our children are very happy. I just can't imagine moving them, especially our eldest away from all his friends and everything they know.
We are in South England and all my family in Scotland so we have no family support nearby. Although we see my parents monthly and the kids are very close to them. I have one sibling and they live in Australia so moving to Australia would mean being closer to them and it would be nice for our kids to grow up with their cousins. We would living in the same city as my sibling. My husbands parents would be 2 hours away.
I just can't imagine leaving our life here. Aibu to tell my husband I don't want to go?
Sorry its for the long post.

That's almost exactly how a friend describes the 10 years she spent there! She said that unless you're into sport, it's impossible to have a decent conversation with anyone. She said it was the worst 10 years of her life.

She was in Perth though, which I gather is a bit different culturally.

One of my in-laws biggest regrets was not moving to Aus. They stayed in the U.K. because of aging parents and by the time they were able to go they weren’t what Aus was going to be wanting. Two near retired people.

At your children’s ages I’d go and give it 2-3 years to settle in and see how it feels.

Your not exactly close if your in the south and your parents are in Scotland help wise anyway to really worry about that bit.

Thing is you could move and split sure. You could also stay, and split because resentment builds. It’s a gamble but providing you can keep your house here just in case. Go have an adventure.

The kids are at the right age now if you were going to move them. I think you just need to spit it out and tell him that you don't want to go. Are you afraid of how he will react? How do you think he's going to react?

People who live/move to Oz seem to
paint a wonderful picture of life out there and how fantastic it is, is this not the case?

Huh? That's a weird comment !

All the ones I know do!

I’m not in the UK, and we have lots of Aussie friends that have lived here 10-30 years and there is no way in hell they will move back. Life is too good here compared to there, even though it is a gorgeous country.

@Valeriekat I have two of them right here, Australia is now a holiday country but sadly very expensive.

There is nothing wrong with the expression, you just didn't understand it.

Not read the thread, but re a trial period in Australia, you may find it difficult to return to the UK with your children if you change your mind.

I have to admit that the people I know who have moved back are very rich! And retired.

I think neither of you are "Wrong" as such .Its inevitable both of you would rather live in your "own" country as such. I think if you are unhappy about a return you need to say so now.Its not always possible to know how you are going to feel about a move like this really .If your DS is out there then you have someone with you as opposed to going out without any support .If you stay here maybe you could have a trip out every few years?

Ah yes, 10 years in Perth. 7 in Melbourne. I went because I married an Aussie. Marriage ended and then got stuck due to covid.

@emptythelitterbox I have a friend out there with Aussie husband, she likes the weather but that's it really -she described it as Essex in the sun and to live in what we (and she) consider a nice ish area is London money . She too said it's very much about booze and sport and quite blokeish (although not as bad as it was) - and very American too in many ways.

Nope, I don't blame you for getting cold feet. Having children puts a different perspective on things. You aren't close to your sister, you are close to your parents. Your parents will have no one near by to advocate for them if needed. Your dc will quickly not want to come back to the UK and you will be stuck there indefinitely, unless you chose to leave your dc in Australia and potentially miss out on grandchildren etc. you will have no rights to bring your dc back to the UK without your dh's permission. I just wouldn't risk it. But you do need to be honest with your dh and be prepared for him to be very disappointed.

Agree. The weather is nice but that's about it. I got here before prices on houses rose drastically.
I bought at 300k and sold at over 2 million so I lucked out that way before I left.

A nice house is over 1 million.
It's very blokeish still and quite sexist, racist, xenophobic.

It's funny you mention being Americanized and it is but not something you'd dare say out loud as you may get punched. Americans are hated there.

If she did go back, I suspect her Aussie husband would fall right back into that bloke culture where he'd be acting like a single man hanging out drinking with his mates and she'd be stuck with all the childcare and everything to do with the home

Really?? I may moan about my husband sometimes but that is not what dads do around here. We see them at school drop off and pick up, mine is on parental leave so I don’t see them anymore as he does everything right now! He’s taken the 3dc all shoe shopping in the last few weeks, etc etc, dads coach football and basketball teams, dads cook dinner, the dads are more likely than the mums to be working big jobs but they are pretty present.

Yeah, I bet. You’d want a nice house in a nice location to live there. I think since we’re in a Scandinavian country many have become used to free nurseries and schools, free healthcare, great maternity leave etc and also being able to travel in Europe as everything is so close. And the older they get, the more you appreciate things like that. But, it is a beautiful country no doubt.

might be the socioeconomic circle you are in or maybe they do things in public but nothing in private. I've seen that too. Make a big presence at school, activities, outings but wouldn't even bother to get their own child a cup of water. Watches his wife struggling carrying in a bunch of things and then the last small item, asks she if needs help. Wife who also works gets up early to clean their massive home while he takes the kids out for breakfast.

That is not what happens around here, either the school friends or my various work colleagues who are mostly male and live further spread around Melbourne than the school friends. As we do half wfh there is a lot of insight into peoples lives, and a lot of logging off for a couple of hours because the wife isn’t well, taking the 3yo to a class, late into the office as dc have an appt, etc etc.

But I agree socioeconomic could be a factor

Good, we don't need your kind here.

And there you are proving my point with the bog standard ignorant xenophobic Aussie cry of, fuck off were full!

I'm a citizen hun so no matter what you think of my skin colour or country of birth, I'm still a citizen.

And we all know what xenophobic and racist "your kind" means.

So ODFOD

This happened to friends of ours - Brit husband, Aus wife.

They started married life in London, then had a deal to live in Oz for 5 years, then move back to the UK. The wife kept quiet until the 5 years in Oz was up, then turned around and told him she'd file for divorce and do everything possible to keep the kids from him if he tried to force a move.

They stayed together, but their marriage is dead to him. He's been encouraging both kids to consider uni in the UK and is planning on leaving once the youngest is 18. He's been staying in touch with work contacts here, etc. Wife has no idea.

I don't like to be a pessimist, but think about the worst possible outcome and how you'd cope if it happened.

@emptythelitterbox might be the socioeconomic circle you are in or maybe they do things in public but nothing in private. I've seen that too

I think the issue here is the circles you are moving in! I don’t know any Aussie woman who would put up with the behaviour you have described! I’ve not seen this, no Aussie man would dare pull that, it would not be a pretty ending and they know it😂.

Shane Warne used to take his kids to their local school in Melbourne! That was always a treat.