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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
whynotwhatknot · 28/03/2023 20:42

what a cf and the hotel shoudnt have agreed either-why didnt they contact you to ask if you knew this or if it was ok

i mean youd be better off in your own villa at this rate

Avatartar · 28/03/2023 20:43

Jumping in from page 2: you booked the trip and are the hotel’s contact from what you say. In that case given what your SIL has apparently been able to do / there is nothing to stop
other people booking and joining your hen do- major breach of your security and data. They have. Reached their contract with you, you are entitled to cancel and sue. I’m not a solicitor- you need legal advice pronto and will probs get first hour free

underneaththeash · 28/03/2023 20:45

@Pink39tree if you paid on a credit card, I would say that you’re going to do a section 75 if the holiday is not ‘as described’. Keep it civil, explain that you’ve booked the hotel as it is adults only.

ChateauMargaux · 28/03/2023 20:51

Your message is good.

Is your SIL hoping to stay in the room paid for by the bride or has she booked additional rooms for her family?

not terribly relevant - but if the hotel have allocated her a room paid for by the bride, this is also not correct as you have not authorised this.

Mummapenguin20 · 28/03/2023 20:56

I’d book a villa if you need to rebook

NewNovember · 28/03/2023 20:57

Maybe get in touch with the person from TikTok who have the identical scenario am sure they will have great advice.

GordonBennett345 · 28/03/2023 20:59

So much shit on here these days.

aSofaNearYou · 28/03/2023 20:59

Well for starters she should know it was you guys - she deserves to be made aware how selfish she's been.

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/03/2023 21:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well - maybe it is. But it is their choice.

It wouldn't;t be mine, but it is theirs and they intentionally chose an adults only heel so that they didn't upset families. Let them have their nice of hen do. They are the ones paying for it.

IlonaRN · 28/03/2023 21:08

Are you sure the bride will still want to marry the groom if the SiL brings her family to the hen do?
Surely that would show her exactly where in the pecking order she is with her husband (i.e. way below the SiL!).
I would be running for the hills rather than tying myself to a family like that!

Perhaps another option is for the bride to suggest calling off the wedding, and see if that helps convince the groom to sort his family out?

fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 21:08

GordonBennett345 · 28/03/2023 20:59

So much shit on here these days.

Yeah maybe , but I’m still waiting the the next instalment.

Eyerollcentral · 28/03/2023 21:10

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 19:53

The SIL is crazy but I do think the hotel are to blame and so they need to fix it, if they didn’t let them book with children this would not be an issue.

I do have to remain level headed because I do want to send a 10 page message to the SIL going crazy at her but I know it’s the brides family dynamic that would be strained so out of respect for her I’m trying to remain calm and let the hotel sort it first.

Sorry but you need to bite the bullet and ring the SIL. You need to say it’s completely inappropriate to bring the children as it’s going to be all adult activities and she will ruin the whole thing by bringing the children. She sounds absolutely insane and her husband must also be completely deranged.

OhwhyOY · 28/03/2023 21:11

I agree with pps that you should say exactly what resolution you want - cancel and refund their booking, or cancel and refund ours.

pontipinemum · 28/03/2023 21:12

The poor bride, she is going to have an awful SIL/ BIL!!

Ishacoco · 28/03/2023 21:12

WonderingWanda · 28/03/2023 18:07

Wow, what a nightmare she sounds. Just a thought but could her very Conservative dh be behind this? Maybe he doesn't want her going abroad where he can't keep tabs? Either that or she is just an entitled twat. I think in the first instance you need to message her something like this.

Sil I hope you don't mind me asking but has your dh insisted that he come on this trip with you? I am sure you are aware that in this is a small and exlusive resort it is going to be very awkward to host a hen party with an audience of your dh and children. And I know you wouldn't intend this but I believe it will put the bride in a very uncomfortable situation of either including or leaving out your children. Not to mention that it just isn't fair on all the other hens who have paid for an exclusive only holiday. I wonder if you could discuss the idea of booking a different but nearby hotel for your family. Otherwise, I'm afraid we might have to reconsider the whole venue as the hotel did indeed promise adult only.

Really good response.

fortheloveofflowers · 28/03/2023 21:16

Clippity clop people, clippity clop

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 21:19

fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 21:08

Yeah maybe , but I’m still waiting the the next instalment.

Show quote history

It's great, isn't it? It truly embody's yourselfs blissful blow-up penises at resort.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 21:20

I have sent over the email with the amendments made, will update as soon as I get a response from them. The email is a bit more stern then some people have recommended because this has been going back and forth for a few emails now and initially there stance was that it cannot be cancelled (or at least refunded).

For clarity SIL isn’t using one of the rooms we booked, she received a refund from the bride in respect to the room she initially paid for. She had booked an entire different room now.

OP posts:
Ishacoco · 28/03/2023 21:23

But WHY has she done this? It makes no sense!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/03/2023 21:23

Unless you control the Boarders there nothing you can do to stop her, and I mean that in a realistic way rather than a nasty way.

Soontobemumof2x · 28/03/2023 21:24

Literally just saw this story on a Scottish girls podcast …. Original 🫣

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 21:27

Ishacoco · 28/03/2023 21:23

But WHY has she done this? It makes no sense!

Most likely jealousy, she was difficult through the whole process. Moaning about flight times/destination/transport. We had to contact her multiple times to confirm she was still coming she said yes we then booked and then she decided she wanted out obviously causing financial strain on the rest of us (which bride paid to prevent the damage).

So her now doing this is a slap in the face because it’s not like she was desperate to come on the first place as she was dragging her heels initially

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 21:27

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Saschka · 28/03/2023 21:35

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How is somebody spending their own money on a holiday that they want to go on but you wouldn’t choose for yourself, “selfish and entitled”?

Do you stand outside Heathrow yelling at people off on ski trips or holidays in Thailand, because you don’t fancy going there yourself? So weird to be so angry about something that has no impact on you whatsoever.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 21:36

This reply has been deleted

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It’s just getting boring now, if you don’t believe it why are you still here?

I have watched the video when they shared the link, I don’t have Tik Tok and I most definitely do not read the sun but I can see the similarities and get why you think it’s not a coincidence that’s fine. I’ve explained multiple times the stories aren’t linked. My issue here remains the fact this was an adult only hotel, children have been allowed to book in, and the hotel won’t refund us. If it was just 5 us like the tik tok in a non adult hotel then can’t really moan if there’s children and it would be much easier for us to find another hotel but with 19 people it’s not that easy to book up 10 rooms especially when the rooms we booked were meant for adults only!

OP posts: