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Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 20:01

momonpurpose · 28/03/2023 19:59

Honestly with a SIL like this best case scenario she falls put with them permanently. Because she will cause so uch drama over the years

Yeah, there’s no relationship to salvage is
there?

Cosycover · 28/03/2023 20:04

Blahhhhhhhhhhh

SkyandSurf · 28/03/2023 20:06

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 19:29

I have drafted an email to send to the hotel, can someone just read over and see if anything I need to add. Thanks for some of the responses I have incorporated a lot of what you said.

Dear Miss XXXX,

Thanks for your earlier response. I’m disappointed that a resolution from yourselves hasn’t been made sooner in regards to this situation considering there has been a clear breach of the terms and conditions that this hotel was advertised at.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

Therefore, I’m sure you can appreciate our frustration that despite this holiday being advertised as adult only and very clearly states “all guests must be the minimum age of 18” you are allowing children to stay- which goes against the whole reason of booking an adult only holiday.

Our earlier correspondence seems to suggests that you believe we are aware and wanting the children to be allowed to stay and that the booking was an add on to ours. I can confirm that this is definitely not the case. Frankly, I am shocked that nobody decided to get in contact with the lead booker, myself, to clarify this was the case before breaching your own terms and conditions to make sure it was a wish we wanted. We only request for this to be the adult only holiday that was advertised. Again, the hotel being adult only was a key criteria in our booking.

As we have come to believe that the accommodation you are now offering is not as advertised and not in accordance with your terms and condition we consider that our agreement has been broken.

I hope to hear from you soon on what your plan of action is to honour this to an adult only environment during our stay, and in failure to reach a appropriate compromise to do so we must ask that you make immediate refund in full.

Many thanks, “

additionally the bride and I have spoken and we are going to wait to see what the hotel say before speaking to SIL. The reason being we’re hoping for the ideal situation where the hotel get involved and say to her “apologies about the misunderstanding no children can stay we can cancel your booking” and then she will think it’s between her and them and try and keep the drama down. Secondly if the hotel cancel our booking then we would want to secretly re book somewhere else because I definitely believe this was done maliciously and we wouldn’t want her to know where we are going.

You need to explicitly state what outcome you want. This could be interpreted as you're having a moan, possibly fishing for a discount, wanting them to offer a refund to you.

Say 'We ask that you contact the party with children and either cancel or move their booking to another time so it does not interfere with our event'

Also there's no need to be so grumpy at the hotel. It's a misunderstanding and they've tried to be accommodating of your group. I wouldn't have guessed SIL was coming without permission, as it's not a sensible thing to do.

Acknowledge they're in a difficult position and thank them.

You're scared to say No to SIL, so you're trying to get them to do it. It won't be any more pleasant for them. Be nice about it

pinksheetss · 28/03/2023 20:08

Saw this exact scenario being discussed in a podcast snippet posted on tiktok just this morning 🧐

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:11

pinksheetss · 28/03/2023 20:08

Saw this exact scenario being discussed in a podcast snippet posted on tiktok just this morning 🧐

Yeah, I see other posters have said that. It's very puzzling indeed.

houselikeashed · 28/03/2023 20:11

I would speak to hotel, explain what has happened and ask them to move family to an associated hotel nearby. Or you will be cancelling your booking as it is no longer appropriate, nor adults only as you booked.
Hopefully hotel will rather loose 1 booking, rather than 19 bookings.
Good look.

AliceOlive · 28/03/2023 20:11

Your email is much too long.

*Dear Miss XXXX,

Thank you for your response. Considering that allowing children would be a breach of the terms and conditions advertised by the hotel, I am still awaiting your resolution.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

Our earlier correspondence suggests that you believed this booking was an add on to ours. I understand your mistake, however can confirm that this is definitely not the case. A simple phone call to me would have enabled you to clarify this. We booked and are expecting and the adults-only holiday that you advertise.

Please let me know how you plan to resolve this to ensure the terms remain as advertised. Otherwise we shall be compelled to cancel, a move which I believe our credit card company will fully support.

Many thanks, “

OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 28/03/2023 20:11

Hen group chat making sure SiL is in it and plan none stop high inappropriate for children filth (I'm not suggesting the trip is actually non stop filth - brief the hens that SiL is to be scared off). If SiL complains/tries to veto dicks everywhere, cocktails with smutty names etc point out that it's an adults only hotel and a hen do so there won't be any children to offend.
If you are much, much nicer than me suggest SiL books a different hotel and spends the days with her family and joins hen for the evenings but stress that it must be just her - no husband, no kids.

AmandaHoldensLips · 28/03/2023 20:16

I would send a message to the SIL saying -

I'm gobsmacked that you could think it's okay to unilaterally decide to bring your kids and husband to (name)'s hen do and ruin the whole experience for everyone else. (Name) is way to kind and nice to say anything to you, but I'm a lot more direct. I'm her MOH and went to a lot of trouble to organise this adult's only event. It was always clearly stated to be strictly no kids and no men. After the nightmare you caused when you demanded to cancel your slot, it looks like you're now hell-bent on ruining the hen do for the rest of us too.

fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 20:17

AliceOlive · 28/03/2023 20:11

Your email is much too long.

*Dear Miss XXXX,

Thank you for your response. Considering that allowing children would be a breach of the terms and conditions advertised by the hotel, I am still awaiting your resolution.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

Our earlier correspondence suggests that you believed this booking was an add on to ours. I understand your mistake, however can confirm that this is definitely not the case. A simple phone call to me would have enabled you to clarify this. We booked and are expecting and the adults-only holiday that you advertise.

Please let me know how you plan to resolve this to ensure the terms remain as advertised. Otherwise we shall be compelled to cancel, a move which I believe our credit card company will fully support.

Many thanks, “

That’s much better, and without al the reflexives.

Nosleepforthismum · 28/03/2023 20:18

Firstly, fair play to organising a hen do abroad for 19 people. There’s no way in hell I’d be involved in such a thankless and stressful task. Secondly, the SIL sounds completely off her rocker and unfortunately you can’t reason with people like that. She’s clearly out to cause maximum outrage and upset and if the hotel can’t/won’t help, the bride needs her DH-to-be to have strong words with her and his brother. If all else fails, do NOT cancel this holiday as I suspect this is SIL’s desired outcome and I’d focus on making it the most extreme, drunken, sweary, cock fest of a hen party ever. Hopefully it won’t come to that but if push comes to shove…

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:20

It's 'embodies' not 'embody's', if we're all going to throw ourselves into this.

That's been driving me mad since the beginning of this fascinating saga.

GuineaPigPosie · 28/03/2023 20:22

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:20

It's 'embodies' not 'embody's', if we're all going to throw ourselves into this.

That's been driving me mad since the beginning of this fascinating saga.

This is driving me mad too because it appears that OP is quoting the hotel.

darjeelingrose · 28/03/2023 20:23

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 19:38

Thank you, the only reason I used yourselves is because in the email chain it’s multiple people from the hotel that have been responding so I thought it would be plural. Is that still wrong shall I still change it?

Show quote history

It's not a yourselves or yourself issue, both are wrong here. It's you.
Also, even though it is an email, I would finish with something other than many thanks, you have nothing you want to thank them for as yet, go for more formality, like yours sincerely.
The shorter version is better.

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:25

GuineaPigPosie · 28/03/2023 20:22

This is driving me mad too because it appears that OP is quoting the hotel.

Show quote history

So we can throw in a '[sic]', yay. I love a good sic.

GuineaPigPosie · 28/03/2023 20:27

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:25

So we can throw in a '[sic]', yay. I love a good sic.

Show quote history

Just to be petty I'd be telling them in my email that their grammar is making me feel [sic] to my stomach.

Antiquiteas · 28/03/2023 20:30

Jesus, what a bitch. What the fuck is she thinking of? The poor bride.

RedEyeBaby · 28/03/2023 20:30

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 19:38

Thank you, the only reason I used yourselves is because in the email chain it’s multiple people from the hotel that have been responding so I thought it would be plural. Is that still wrong shall I still change it?

Show quote history

Yes, the plural of 'you' is 'you'
:-)

serialthreadkiller · 28/03/2023 20:31

GuineaPigPosie · 28/03/2023 20:22

This is driving me mad too because it appears that OP is quoting the hotel.

Show quote history

Me too, although the actual website only says embody, not embody's or embodies 😉

FlyingCircus93 · 28/03/2023 20:34

I think your email will put the backs up of the hotel staff. They probably think they have been helpful by bending the rules (not knowing this isn't what you want).

I'd go for
"Thankyou. To clarify, this booking is not part of the wider group.

We chose the hotel as it was adult only, as we're hoping to have a fun, laid back hen do where we can indulge in the odd penis straw and inflatable!

Hopefully this is understandable. I appreciate there may have been some confusion, but could I ask that you treat the booking as separate to our party (and therefore still in line with your "Adults Only" T&Cs)."

Sensibletrousers · 28/03/2023 20:37

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 19:29

I have drafted an email to send to the hotel, can someone just read over and see if anything I need to add. Thanks for some of the responses I have incorporated a lot of what you said.

Dear Miss XXXX,

Thanks for your earlier response. I’m disappointed that a resolution from yourselves hasn’t been made sooner in regards to this situation considering there has been a clear breach of the terms and conditions that this hotel was advertised at.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

Therefore, I’m sure you can appreciate our frustration that despite this holiday being advertised as adult only and very clearly states “all guests must be the minimum age of 18” you are allowing children to stay- which goes against the whole reason of booking an adult only holiday.

Our earlier correspondence seems to suggests that you believe we are aware and wanting the children to be allowed to stay and that the booking was an add on to ours. I can confirm that this is definitely not the case. Frankly, I am shocked that nobody decided to get in contact with the lead booker, myself, to clarify this was the case before breaching your own terms and conditions to make sure it was a wish we wanted. We only request for this to be the adult only holiday that was advertised. Again, the hotel being adult only was a key criteria in our booking.

As we have come to believe that the accommodation you are now offering is not as advertised and not in accordance with your terms and condition we consider that our agreement has been broken.

I hope to hear from you soon on what your plan of action is to honour this to an adult only environment during our stay, and in failure to reach a appropriate compromise to do so we must ask that you make immediate refund in full.

Many thanks, “

additionally the bride and I have spoken and we are going to wait to see what the hotel say before speaking to SIL. The reason being we’re hoping for the ideal situation where the hotel get involved and say to her “apologies about the misunderstanding no children can stay we can cancel your booking” and then she will think it’s between her and them and try and keep the drama down. Secondly if the hotel cancel our booking then we would want to secretly re book somewhere else because I definitely believe this was done maliciously and we wouldn’t want her to know where we are going.

It’s a good email but very wordy. Especially for non-native English speakers.

I would end with a very simple, clear fact-based statement that lays out the hotel manager’s options, such as:

“Therefore, there are two ways this problem can be solved: either you cancel the add-on booking with children (as it is NOT part of our block booking, and it breaches the T&Cs re over 18 only), OR we cancel our block booking with full refund based on that breach of T&Cs. I look forward to hearing from you with your decision.

Sincerely,
”

Force the hotel into making the decision by being clear, and not giving them any logical wiggly room. If the their choice is refund one room, or refund 10 rooms, I think I know what they’ll choose!

Good luck

AliceOlive · 28/03/2023 20:38

SweetCoriander · 28/03/2023 20:20

It's 'embodies' not 'embody's', if we're all going to throw ourselves into this.

That's been driving me mad since the beginning of this fascinating saga.

Oh Lord. I didn’t even read that bit. And I agree with all the posters saying to just keep it short and ask how they plan to fix it.

Stravawindow · 28/03/2023 20:38

pinksheetss · 28/03/2023 20:08

Saw this exact scenario being discussed in a podcast snippet posted on tiktok just this morning 🧐

Me too.

wordler · 28/03/2023 20:39

Send a joint email to the SIL and her husband with a photo of all the inappropriate hen night stuff etc and let them know it's not going to be a suitable trip for children.

cartagenagina · 28/03/2023 20:41

I agree you should give the hotel two clear choices. They either cancel SIL booking or yours.

I also agree that in the unlikely event yours is the booking cancelled, you book a Villa. That way SIL can’t gatecrash.