How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

[Pink39tree]

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

The sil sounds like a nightmare!

TikTok has moved on from dances plenty of the content is for adults.

I can't get my head around op and her friend tip toeing around this SIL, too afraid to confront her. People like her are only difficult because the people around them allow them to be. Who TF brings children on a hen do and she should be asked that very question. Why leave it to the hotel to sort out. Do it yourselves!! Let her throw a fit, what are you all scared of? She's just a person, might be a difficult person but not somebody worthy of so much stress.

I cannot believe the sil thinks this is ok. Mental behaviour!
do you think she’s intentionally being a dick or is just oblivious/deluded and thinks her attendance at the hen party is so wanted and the most important thing here?! 😂 hope the hotel sort it out.
they’ll have to cancel her booking because if they cancel yours, then they’ll have other paying guests arriving at a ‘child free’ resort with children I.e be very unhappy. So the hotel probably feel a bit stuck!

In this situation any other half reasonable accommodation, even a villa, self catering etc., would be more enjoyable than that hotel with children.

If you have paid by credit card, involve them in your dispute for a full refund.

Ugh how stressful op, I’m so glad abroad hen dos werent a thing in my day!
could the sil’s dh be controlling her? Forcing her to cancel and then allowing her to go provided he comes too along with the kids?

Did this really happen op? Evidence needed! 🤣

I'd get groom to speak to bil and sil and call them out for hijacking the hen. I'd be really direct with sil and say you chose this hotel BECAUSE it was adult only and as it is a hen there will be activities etc that would be unsuitable for her children to see. I would remind her that everyone else has agreed on that hotel BECAUSE it was adult only so bringing her family is not fair to the wider group or bride herself. Id then suggest that she books a separate hotel in the area and joins you for the days activities and out that night. I'd say you appreciate that she is trying to make the most of the money she's spending on the trip but that bride deserves to let her hair down and that having the kids and a husband nearby will affect that and that ultimately she is who the trip is about and sil either needs to book the kids and hubby in elsewhere or rethink her ability to join. I'd also say that you would prefer to leave bride out of it as you don't want to spoil what should be an exciting time with her and you don't think it's fair to bother her with these concerns so it doesn't come back on her. You owe this woman nothing so I'd be very direct and try to stick up for the bride. She sounds horrible and completely self centered. Is brides mil around could she have a word with sil and tell her to catch on?

I think your email sounded excellent, @Pink39tree, and I hope you get a good result from the resort.

Get the hotel to contact her and advise that it is adults only and children aren’t allowed on site.
Also advise her that she is being selfish, that the bride has made her wishes known from the outset and she doesn’t get to decide to change the goalposts. She committed once she paid, and that’s it. No changes. No kids, no husband. It’s not appropriate. They’re not welcome. There are no refunds if she wants to kick up a stink either.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

No professional (real) hotel would publish copy this appalling.
"Embody's"?
"To ensure undisturbed escapism"

I mean. what?

Ffs… time to spam their ads on insta and fb with “Why did you let the bride’s crazy SIL spoil her hen’s party by booking her bloody kids and refusing to cancel them?”

You need to cancel the hotel booking - or threaten to - until the hotel cancels the family.

The idea of the family holidaying in the same area but only the SIL joining in sometimes is a solution.
If the family is not removed then ..
look around for an adult only place pronto and take that if you can. Demand a refund.

Oh @Pink39tree this is such an awful situation I would have hated this on my hen do, to be watched by bil and sil whilst having kids wanting to be around me (kids always want the adult friend as the novelty adult rather than parents).
I also imagine sil is the type to say 'oh little Freddie and billy really want to have dinner with you at xyz you can't not take them'

So glad you've emailed wishing you so much luck.

Why? It's just like any other social media platform, that's like saying 'it surprises me how many adults have Instagram'.

I’d be making some comments about children attending on whatever social media presence they have…

as another poster said, you’ve got to take one for the team and be the bad guy to shield the bride.

Is the brother not going on the stag??

how far away (in time) is the Hen?

"Embody's"?

Hush, now hush . . .

<hugs>

Sit with me in the Dictionary Corner and we can breathe into paper bags together through our gritted teeth until it all goes away.

(Sometimes I have to bite my li until it bleeds . . . 😬 )

*lip

Have the hotel replied to your email yet OP?

Don't jeapordise the hen do to 'get away' from SIL and her family tagging along. She's obviously a thick skinned person with zero ability to read the room, so OP, as the third party with nothing to be lost relationship-wise with SIL, take the bullet for the bride and tell SIL this is completely inappropriate. She needs to come as a hen or not at all.

I'd be inclined to say "fine, bring your kids.... its just that the rest of us will be out and about having adult fun adulting, and NOT spending time round the kids pool, kids entertainment, early dinner, etc etc. So we'll only see you at the wedding, Byeeeee.

I have absolutely no idea how a person can get to adulthood and come out with a line like 'falls on death ears'. How would that even make sense?

Therefore I conclude this is a DM intern fishing for a story.

-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.

Nope. You explain to the hotel that they have to cancel the kids bookings in such a way that SIL never suspects it came from you. Their problem not yours . "We're terribly sorry, our insurers insist" or whatever.

OTHERWISE, if SIL catches on, the entire adult bride party will CANCEL.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s (aaarrrggghhh) this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

If I had booked this "blissful and relaxing scenario", I would be absolutely furious if there were children staying in what is sold as an "adults only" location.

But I would be way more furious to have to share the space with 19 squealing hens and their inflatable cocks and other associated tat.

Absolutely @GMOOH2023 children would be better than a tacky hen party. Think this hen party might be sadly disappointed if they want to act like that round the pool as they may be thrown out.