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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DD has taken on way too many pets?

137 replies

ImBusyWondering · 28/03/2023 14:01

DD is 22 and moved out 2 years ago which is when she got her first cat, which I thought was quite nice for her as me and her dad personally never wanted animals while she has been a big animal lover. She later added another cat and has now taken in a puppy and older dog… I feel a bit sad for her.

Her disposable income is now going on these pets and she isn’t able to save and I feel like she was in a really good spot with a decent grad job where she could have been saving some. She rarely ever goes out with her friends now and isn’t particularly interested in dating and I know she is a bit stressed as she often forgets to call me and tells me she has been “too busy” and I ask in what way and it’s always just the pets.

I’ve reasssured her it’s not a bad decision to rehome if it feels too much and she has a go at me, but I’m just looking out for her. She says she will have more time when the puppy is older but I’m not convinced, that’s still 2 cats and 2 dogs and a huge tie at 22 as a solo person?

I realise it’s probably not my business but I am just worried

OP posts:

Prescottdanni123 · 29/03/2023 06:57

People have children when they already have pets in the house all the time. My parents did this. I had a wonderful childhood with them.

As an animal lover, I wouldn't be opposed to settling down with someone who has four animals either.

BonnieMummy · 29/03/2023 07:16

I have 3 children, a dog, a cat and 7 guinea pigs! The dog and cat are part of the family and we all love them. The piggies are mine and live in my office in a huge mansion cage. Some people must think I’m mad but they bring me so much joy!

Also, OP’s dd isn’t a child!! I was a qualified teacher at the age of 23, married at 23 and had my dc1 at 25. People said I was too young but I’ve never regretted my choices and have still had a fulfilled life so far and a great career, albeit different to people who were free and single in their twenties.

GrandIllusion · 29/03/2023 07:16

I doubt you'll come back to this thread because the sentiment is opposite to what you hope for, in that you will drive your dd away.

I find it interesting how you think your dd is 'your life' over which you 'deeply worry' and badger her to do the right thing as you feel fit.

If you love her as much as you say you do you would actually have listened to the once little girl who desperately wanted a pet and let her have one and support her in her choices.

In my view you have been a cold, deaf and heartless mother who only thinks about herself and not her child.

Grim.

People who love and care for animals have a kind and thoughtful nature which is missing from those who don't like or care for animals.

No wonder she doesn't want to be around you. You are very selfish op.

BonnieMummy · 29/03/2023 07:19

Honestly OP, you will push your daughter away if you carry on like this. It sounds as though you’ve highlighted every single possible negative associated with her pets.
You have basically taken the most important and exciting thing in her life and pissed all over it (excuse the vile phrase but it feels the appropriate one!)

YouWithoutEnd · 29/03/2023 07:20

Imagine if instead of needlessly wittering on you actually helped her out or tried to develop some kind of bond with your daughters pets so that you could see them as the lovely little beings I’m sure that they are, and have a share in all the joy that they must bring her?!

FWIW, I have two rescue cats and my boyfriend has two rescue dogs and we were both drawn to each others love and care for animals (amongst many other things).

My dad views my cats like grandchildren, if I’m off out for the evening he will go and buy himself a chip shop supper and go and spend an hour or two at my house with the cats to keep them company. He always helps me get them in the carrier and up to the vets as and when needed.

Doone21 · 29/03/2023 07:20

You can't understand what they give her because you are not a pet person. Just leave her alone and stop hounding her about it. She's a grown up so you nagging is probably tiring her out more than anything. You would prefer it if she's out clubbing and taking drugs every night instead? Having to be responsible is no bad thing. She sounds like she's doing a great job looking after them.

MissEira · 29/03/2023 07:42

I grew up with animals. We always had at least 1 dog (most of the time it was 2-3). We had rabbits, turtles, chickens etc. I loved growing up like that.
When I moved out at 20 I immediately got my first dog and then a second 2 years later.
Cats soon followed as well.
I dont have a sad life. I love my animals and I love everything that comes with it (even though its a lot of work).
My kids grew up with the animals and it was never an issue when they were born. We just recently lost our 2 dogs quite close to another (both 15 years old) and my 2 kids were so sad, because they hd a really good bond.
We have a new puppy now and its crazy! I forgot how hard puppy stage is! But it will get easier for your DD and everything will calm down.

With all her animals she will probably attract someone who is also an animal lover. I dont think the pets will prevent her from meeting someone and having a family.
Travelling is harder of course, but we still go away all the time. Our dogs always stay with friends/family. Theres also kennels. And the cats are perfectly fine on their own for a couple weeks if someone goes to feed them.

AlmostSummer21 · 29/03/2023 09:54

Comedycook · 28/03/2023 17:25

Honestly I agree with you op.

I have a single friend who has done this. It has hindered her life imo. She is tied down almost as much as if she had a husband and kids...to me it's the worst of both world. Single yet unable to enjoy any of the perks of being single and childfree.

Could you be any more patronising?

Its HER life, you don't get to be judge & jury over it. No every woman thinks being married & having 2.4 kids is the ultimate goal in life.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 29/03/2023 13:12

Tbh sometimes I forget to call my mum and say it's bc I am too busy but actually it's just bc I couldn't be arsed that day. So that's not actually an indicator she's that busy.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 29/03/2023 13:15

This bit is ridiculous though.

I told her that it will be more difficult when dating because someone else potentially taking on 4 animals is a huge negative and that upset her. I know she wants children one day and said what about that as the pets will still be alive and she said it will be better because they will be older and well established then but I’m not sure.

I've never known anyone refuse to date because someone has pets. Also people have children and pets at the same time.

You're panicking and being dramatic and probably making her really down.

HamBone · 29/03/2023 13:30

Travelling is harder of course, but we still go away all the time. Our dogs always stay with friends/family. Theres also kennels.

@MissEira This is the part where the OP does have a point, imo. Most people simply can’t accommodate four dogs so she’ll have to pay for a house sitter or kennels-a house sitter would be far cheaper than four lots of kennel fees.

We sometimes look after friends’ dogs but can only have one at a time as our own dog would be overwhelmed with more.

But there’s no point the OP going on about it, her DD will figure it out.

Yellowdays · 29/03/2023 14:56

Meant kindly. I wonder if you would consider whether you feel abandoned by her, rather than resentful of her life choices re pets?

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