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Original poster

To think DD has taken on way too many pets?

137 replies

ImBusyWondering · 28/03/2023 14:01

DD is 22 and moved out 2 years ago which is when she got her first cat, which I thought was quite nice for her as me and her dad personally never wanted animals while she has been a big animal lover. She later added another cat and has now taken in a puppy and older dog… I feel a bit sad for her.

Her disposable income is now going on these pets and she isn’t able to save and I feel like she was in a really good spot with a decent grad job where she could have been saving some. She rarely ever goes out with her friends now and isn’t particularly interested in dating and I know she is a bit stressed as she often forgets to call me and tells me she has been “too busy” and I ask in what way and it’s always just the pets.

I’ve reasssured her it’s not a bad decision to rehome if it feels too much and she has a go at me, but I’m just looking out for her. She says she will have more time when the puppy is older but I’m not convinced, that’s still 2 cats and 2 dogs and a huge tie at 22 as a solo person?

I realise it’s probably not my business but I am just worried

OP posts:
Lastnamedidntstick · 28/03/2023 16:25

Crazyshihtzulady · 28/03/2023 16:15

Absolutely! I thought the same thing, if you say "Oh I love my dog but wouldn't get another one when he passes" you're clearly not enjoying the experience and find it a bit of a drag.

I wasn't allowed pets as a kid either and was brought up to believe animals were "dirty"...stepdad hated animals...(not a very nice person all round...).

I now have 2 dogs and a cat and can't imagine life without animals now.

Show quote history

I won’t get another dog when mine passes 🤷‍♀️

not because I don’t love dogs, or wouldn’t love another one, but because I’ll be in a different life stage. Now, with teenagers a dog fits in well, I have relatives who take him if I go away, there’s usually someone around etc.

by the time he passes I’ll (hopefully) be retired, kids grown and independent, and I plan to do all the travelling I want when I’m not tied to school terms and work. a dog wouldn’t fit.

it’s not always because you don’t want one.

Ihatethenewlook · 28/03/2023 16:27

Has she ever actually asked for your opinion op? Or are you just hoisting your nasty judgments and assumptions on her? No wonder she’s surrounded herself with loving creatures and doesn’t have time for you anymore.

CambsAlways · 28/03/2023 16:27

Oh wow hearing you go on is doing my head in, let alone your daughters, Pets bring a lot of joy to their owners, you didn’t have any so you don’t realise what they bring to someone’s life! You are so judgemental, you cannot control your daughter she does what she wants to do, sounds a lovely caring daughter and obviously loves her pets. Personally I wouldn’t have anything in common with someone who doesn’t have pets. Your daughter must really dread your calls! I certainly wouldn’t put up with a nagging mother but luckily I didn’t have one as mine accepted once I left home that I was my own person and she never interfered as long as I was happy she was too

coffeecookie · 28/03/2023 16:30

Are you aware how ridiculous you sound?

Snailsaresweet · 28/03/2023 16:31

If she wants to travel and see the world, it is not impossible with pets, you know. She may have a friend who would stay for a few months in exchange for not paying rent or a pet-loving neighbour who she could swap responsibilities with. There's also a brilliant website called Trusted House Sitters, which you can sign up to either as someone who wants a petsitter, or who wants to be a petsitter - or both. Someone like your DD who is an experienced pet owner would be in high demand to look after a house abroad, while someone else could visit the UK and look after hers! Where there's a will, there's usually a way!

Coyoacan · 28/03/2023 16:32

You know if you spent a bit less time worrying her and a bit more time helping her it would be a win, win, wouldn't it?

You could offer to look after the pets when she goes away for example. You could help her find solutions to her problems instead of inventing non-existing ones such as the impossibility of dating.

VenusClapTrap · 28/03/2023 16:33

She’s your everything, you worry about her and her happiness is paramount. Yet, you wouldn’t let her have a pet throughout her childhood. Not really putting her feelings first then, were you? Being around animals is really, really important to animal lovers.

Survey99 · 28/03/2023 16:37

Doesn't sound ideal and it is a shame she is missing out. I would probably feel the same if it was ds and advise him the same, but if she is old enough to live independently she is old enough to take/dismiss your advice and learn from her mistakes.

Tumbleweed101 · 28/03/2023 16:40

If you haven't had pets or aren't keen on them yourself I can see why you're focused on the negatives. Having a puppy is like having a toddler and it does keep you busy and it is hard work. However by the time the dog is 3/4 yo so long as properly trained and socialised they are very easy and great companions. I would find a house without a pet very strange these days. I've currently got two dogs (one is 14yo this year) and a cat. Through the years we've had cages animals like guinea pigs and rabbits etc. I actually find dogs and cats easier because they are just in the house and out and about with you.

The only disadvantage is the way they can impact travelling but it doesn't stop travel, just needs better planning.

BreviloquentBastard · 28/03/2023 16:42

Christ my daughter is 15 and has two cats and a dog that are entirely her responsibility, if she can manage I'm sure your 22 year old adult daughter can.

Any wonder she "forgets" to call you 🙄

Delectable · 28/03/2023 16:44

Of course it's your business! She's your child. Your blood. Your daughter. You've known her since she was in your womb. None of us here love her more than you. Thankfully you have the advantage of experience.

So you are well entitled to share your opinion and give her advice more than anyone here.

It's left to her to listen, consider or follow it.

You can't force her to listen, consider or follow but make your advice, worries, concerns and suggestions known.

My mum died when I was 6 during child birth. My sister and I didn't have the benefit of growing up with our mother as a result. I would almost anything to get her view and advice.

Say your piece, she will do with it what she wishes.

All the best.

Ihatethenewlook · 28/03/2023 16:46

Delectable · 28/03/2023 16:44

Of course it's your business! She's your child. Your blood. Your daughter. You've known her since she was in your womb. None of us here love her more than you. Thankfully you have the advantage of experience.

So you are well entitled to share your opinion and give her advice more than anyone here.

It's left to her to listen, consider or follow it.

You can't force her to listen, consider or follow but make your advice, worries, concerns and suggestions known.

My mum died when I was 6 during child birth. My sister and I didn't have the benefit of growing up with our mother as a result. I would almost anything to get her view and advice.

Say your piece, she will do with it what she wishes.

All the best.

Stop projecting your issues onto the ops daughter. You’re as bad as her 🙄

Gladiaterf · 28/03/2023 16:48

Delectable · 28/03/2023 16:44

Of course it's your business! She's your child. Your blood. Your daughter. You've known her since she was in your womb. None of us here love her more than you. Thankfully you have the advantage of experience.

So you are well entitled to share your opinion and give her advice more than anyone here.

It's left to her to listen, consider or follow it.

You can't force her to listen, consider or follow but make your advice, worries, concerns and suggestions known.

My mum died when I was 6 during child birth. My sister and I didn't have the benefit of growing up with our mother as a result. I would almost anything to get her view and advice.

Say your piece, she will do with it what she wishes.

All the best.

I completely disagree with you.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/03/2023 16:48

I think you should mind your own business! An adult can choose to have pets. Stop expecting her to live the life you want.

xogossipgirlxo · 28/03/2023 16:53

Delectable · 28/03/2023 16:44

Of course it's your business! She's your child. Your blood. Your daughter. You've known her since she was in your womb. None of us here love her more than you. Thankfully you have the advantage of experience.

So you are well entitled to share your opinion and give her advice more than anyone here.

It's left to her to listen, consider or follow it.

You can't force her to listen, consider or follow but make your advice, worries, concerns and suggestions known.

My mum died when I was 6 during child birth. My sister and I didn't have the benefit of growing up with our mother as a result. I would almost anything to get her view and advice.

Say your piece, she will do with it what she wishes.

All the best.

You do realise not every advice from mums and dads is correct?

AxolotlOnions · 28/03/2023 16:56

You have put a HUGE amount of thought and effort into thinking of negatives real, imagined, potential or otherwise, surrounding pet ownership, do you do the same for interests in her life that you share? I sounds like you don't understand it so you have a need to stop her. She is not you, mind your own business and get yourself a hobby. You sound exhausting.

lala2023 · 28/03/2023 17:00

I'm really not surprised she has moved out and forgets to call

Gremlins101 · 28/03/2023 17:04

It's up to her!

I had two large dogs and 2 horses when i found my partner. On our first date he helped me power wash the stables!

Moveforward · 28/03/2023 17:04

I know a lad who owned 3 dogs and he met his partner through the dogs - she's a breeder
.I've no.idea how many they have now as a family unit, but it's a lot!

She's as likely to.meet a partner out walking her dogs as she is doing any other hobby. That was a mean thing to.say.

I.do.think.shes taken on a lot and it will.restrict her in some.things but it's her choice. I assume.she owns.her own place as getting a new rental.with so many is likely to be tricky if she ever needed to.move

ItsCalledAConversation · 28/03/2023 17:06

AlmostSummer21 · 28/03/2023 14:26

Just stop.

this is HER life, not a re run of yours.

It's not 'sad', it's her choice.

she's not 'forgetting' to ring you, or 'too busy' she just doesn't want to face more of your negativity & criticism of her choices, not even when you pretend to wrap it up in 'care & concern'

honestly, just stop, busy yourself with your own life & stop trying to control hers. You don't know best, she does. you're doing all kinds of damage to her, implying she doesn't know her own mind, needs to do xyz to be happy & abc as you know better.

I'm 54, my mum STILL carries on like this, then wonders why I don't tell her stuff & I don't call her regularly (she lives overseas, well technically I do I suppose) and it's not by accident.

Hundred percent this.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 28/03/2023 17:09

My dd got a dog the moment she left home at 18. Spent her entire childhood wanting a dog. It filled a little hole in her life.

ZeroWorshipHere · 28/03/2023 17:13

I know I’m negative but she is my only child and I deeply worry about her and honestly she is my life, I do constantly think of if she is ok.

you should get out more you sound pretty smothering. And that sounds harsher than I mean if to but your DD isn’t too busy to call you she sounds like she’s avoiding it.

maybe you should get a dog too

KissesTasteLikeWhiskey · 28/03/2023 17:14

Moveforward · 28/03/2023 17:04

I know a lad who owned 3 dogs and he met his partner through the dogs - she's a breeder
.I've no.idea how many they have now as a family unit, but it's a lot!

She's as likely to.meet a partner out walking her dogs as she is doing any other hobby. That was a mean thing to.say.

I.do.think.shes taken on a lot and it will.restrict her in some.things but it's her choice. I assume.she owns.her own place as getting a new rental.with so many is likely to be tricky if she ever needed to.move

Let’s hope she doesn’t end up with someone that breeds dogs. I’ve met a lot, most are dickheads.

ISpyCobraKai · 28/03/2023 17:17

You're right that it isn't your business, but I can see why you're worried, I would be too, this doesn't sound healthy for her at all.
However all you can do is listen and support her.

Laiste · 28/03/2023 17:20

she often forgets to call me and tells me she has been “too busy”

I’ve reasssured her it’s not a bad decision to rehome if it feels too much and she has a go at me

I do think they keep her company but her cats already did that and I felt that was enough.

I told her that it will be more difficult when dating because someone else potentially taking on 4 animals is a huge negative and that upset her

I know she wants children one day and said what about that as the pets will still be alive

a relationship/children or a country she wants to visit and I just remind her she has 4 pets.

Christ on a bike stop banging on at her about the damn pets! I imagine she's got the message about what YOU think don't you? No wonder she ''forgets'' to call you ...

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