To think DD has taken on way too many pets?

[ImBusyWondering]

DD is 22 and moved out 2 years ago which is when she got her first cat, which I thought was quite nice for her as me and her dad personally never wanted animals while she has been a big animal lover. She later added another cat and has now taken in a puppy and older dog… I feel a bit sad for her.

Her disposable income is now going on these pets and she isn’t able to save and I feel like she was in a really good spot with a decent grad job where she could have been saving some. She rarely ever goes out with her friends now and isn’t particularly interested in dating and I know she is a bit stressed as she often forgets to call me and tells me she has been “too busy” and I ask in what way and it’s always just the pets.

I’ve reasssured her it’s not a bad decision to rehome if it feels too much and she has a go at me, but I’m just looking out for her. She says she will have more time when the puppy is older but I’m not convinced, that’s still 2 cats and 2 dogs and a huge tie at 22 as a solo person?

I realise it’s probably not my business but I am just worried

From being a very young child I was obsessed with animals. I have had one/2/3 permanently since I left home. Cats were easier when children were young. Never wanted to travel and still dont enjoy holidays without my dog. You do, however, need backup as everyone becomes ill at times and needs help. If she can afford a dog walker once per week who could board if she wants a holiday it would be a good idea to get them used to someone else. Vet bills /insurance is becoming ridiculously prohibitive these days so I'd be more concerned about that moving forward. All I would have changed looking back would have been my choice of husband ie one who loved animals as much as me. Good luck to her.

Honestly I agree with you op.

I have a single friend who has done this. It has hindered her life imo. She is tied down almost as much as if she had a husband and kids...to me it's the worst of both world. Single yet unable to enjoy any of the perks of being single and childfree.

I honestly would find you overbearing and depressing.

I don’t mean to sound mean but it would exhaust me.

Maybe she'd stop being too "busy" to cal you if you begged her less about getting rid of the animals she likes so she can date and call her mother more

"well I’ve committed to them now and I wouldn’t have been happy until I experienced a dog. Which sounds quite negative for someone who truly wants this, that’s the only reason I’m still going on as don’t want her to feel like she is trapped.

the money that could have been saved is shocking"

Your sound like a very negative, controlling mother and I hope for your sake this doesn't backfire. She clearly does not have your emotions/aspirations in life and if you're worried about the 'money she could have saved' why not offer to look after the pets occasionally which would surely strengthen any parental bond rather than weakening it?

You sound like my mother but I was older in my late 30s. Was going through a divorce, she said I should get rid of my dogs. Every conversation was are you getting rid of the dogs, guess what I ignored her.

Being able to have as many pets as you like is a pretty big perk of being single and child free.

dogs can bring a great social life once past the puppy stage.

Walking groups, canicross, agility, flyball, scentwork, heel work, man trailing, obedience, working trials, therapy work, etc.

All with the chance to socialise with other people who also like dogs. So she can make friends. Maybe even find a partner. Assuming she wants one.

I agree with you.

22 is still very young to fully get the ramifications of having multiple pets for the next decade of their life.

The thing is most 22 year olds think they know it all already and will forge ahead with their own plans of course.

Only time will tell if your concerns are valid.

You sound like a caring mum to me, you’ve let your DD know your worries, if I was you, I’d now stop talking about it to her.

You lost me at the point where you told her it’s not too late to rehome the animals. Seriously.

Assuming this is real you sound entirely overbearing and it’s little wonder she doesn’t speak to you.

She’s an adult. And despite the fact that people on MN seem to think that adults are still expected to behave like children until they reach their 30’s, that really isn’t true.

My parents were married with two children and a mortgage at that age. But I wonder if you’re the type of parent who would be pushing her into a termination if she got pregnant.

@ZeroWorshipHere I know ! Imagine your friend being so judgmental about something that gives you joy

I don't see why it's a problem. At 24 I'd bought my own house and had 2 dogs and a cat. It wasn't stressful at all. I could still go out and have a social life. I loved my animals. They gave me so much pleasure. Bizarrely now I'm in my 60s, though, I really don't want to be tied down and I find looking after animals more tiring. Young people have a lot of energy and adjust to life situations much better than middle aged and older people in my experience.
Stop talking to her about rehoming them. Maybe thats why she doesn't ring you because she feels you're too critical.

OMG you are the absolute nightmare mother! Moaning, critical and boring.

You have no idea what joy each funny little character brings to pet owners. You have no idea what bond you can have, all you can see is the negatives.

I wouldn't want to be around your toxic energy not want to bring any grandchildren around you either.

Perhaps if you had given her a pet when she was growing up she would have learned a bit about pet ownership and responsibility!

Why don't you be more open minded and offer to help look after her pets so she can go travelling? That way you can redeem yourself!

Ime experience lots of people get a pet (surrogate baby) when they have their first home. It makes it more homely.
She will probably find someone soon even if shes not looking.
just let her be.

Honestly - if you were my mother, I wouldn't call you either.

It's not your life. You need to leave her alone and stop nagging her. I feel overwhelmed just reading your responses.

Yes, but there's pets and there's pets that are not a good idea.

My oh parents were like that, completely anti pet. If the children got so much as a cold it was ‘right, so Newlook is definitely going to have to get rid of those animals now’, as if the kids caught chicken pox from the dogs. 🙄 They are no longer welcome in my house

22 is still very young to fully get the ramifications of having multiple pets for the next decade of their life.

The thing is most 22 year olds think they know it all already and will forge ahead with their own plans of course.

She's 22, living by herself and working, she isn't 15.

Here’s an idea- why don’t you offer to go out for dog walks with her? Make the pets something you can enjoy together?

But seriously- stop with the negativity and constantly going on about how she was wrong to get them…

Jesus…..

Growing in an ins house where my parents did not like animals, I got two cats and dog when I was 21. I met my now-husband thus ‘encumbered’ and we made a joint home with all three of them plus his extensive fish tank.

Dog was middle-aged when I hit her and passed away when I was near 30. Cats lived with me through several domestic and one international move (fish made the domestic moves but not international- DH found some other fish enthusiast to adopt them), and passed away when I was in my mid-40s (yes, that’s about 24 years).

I only spent about 8 months pet-free before getting more cats (and only that long as it took a while to find some). Pets are a part of my life and part of many people’s lives. It requires some coordination and planning, but I don’t feel my life is any less for them - the reverse! Nor do I regret the money spent at end-of-life on all three of my previous animals, when they got quite expensive (although insurance would have been a better plan! Has she gotten that? )

Ugh so many mistakes. I got my dog not hit her!

Fancy having an animal loving child and denying them a pet.
Then being surprised when they grow up and immediately get pets when they can make their own decisions.
Come on now.

She sent me into labour moaning about the cat I had lol.

As an animal lover, I have been in a similar situation (in my mid-late 20s) with 2 guinea pigs, 2 cats and a puppy, however shared with my husband, also an animal lover. Animals make me happy, as I'm sure they make your daughter happy. Yes they wake me up in the night, sleep on my face, wind me up with their barking and take a lot of my time and money... But they make me happy.
I would be proud that my daughter is kind and responsible, not to mention doing what she loves. Let her figure it out.

Her ‘forgetting’ to call you is probably her way of saying mum give me some space and stop moaning about my life! She obviously loves her pets and it’s not your business? I’d also say stop guilting her for not calling you - she’s flown the nest and is standing on her own two feet. She is under no obligation to call you and a phone works both ways. Sorry if this seems harsh but I think you need to hear that your kids life choices are not yours and you will push her out your life if you try to make it that way