To think my DH is being a right dick

[Quinniebellie]

DH went out Friday evening, got in about 1am I think. We went to an event yesterday with our 4DC, he then went to the pub after to watch the football and came home around midnight.

So he’s obviously hungover x2, so today he’s spent the whole day on the sofa/in bed asleep. He got up this morning as we had an event at DD’s school at 10am. I thought “great he’s getting up to help get them ready before school” but no, he got up and got straight in the bath which is where he was for the next 40 minutes.

I got them ready, did the school run, came back and bathed the youngest DC’s, got them ready, we went to the event which was 30 mins then came home.

He got straight on the sofa and went to sleep. Meanwhile I took the youngest DC’s with me to go do a work errand and go to the shops etc, was gone for 2.5 hours. Came back and he’s still asleep on the sofa

then he gets up and again I think “great he’s finally getting up” but nope he went straight up to bed. Asleep again until I got back from the school run at 4pm.

I then got DD ready for dance class, took her, came back, made dinner for the other DC’s, meanwhile he’s having ANOTHER BATH! I could have screamed when I heard that bath running again!! Now I’m picking up DD, dropping her friend home, popping to another shop and will no doubt have to do the whole bedtime routine with them all while he does a big FA.

I know he’s hungover but Jesus is this normal? He does this every time he goes out for a drink or every time he has a day off. He says he’s entitled to chill time which yes he is but I feel like I’m running around like a headless chicken while he’s doing nothing. I don’t get chill time like that, and when I do ever get chance to chill I feel so guilty about it! He just doesn’t seem to care and thinks this is normal/acceptable. Is it?

His reasoning today is that he had a quick tidy up this morning while I was on school run and he’s wiped over the bathroom. So he “hasn’t done nothing”

YABU - he’s hungover leave him be
YANBU - he’s being a dick

just sounds like you have five kids-its like saying he only shouts at me every so often so its ok

what if he only hit you every so often

I remember one of the weekends near the end of us, where he slept in late, and as I heard him stirring and started to feel a bit relieved that he'd be up to help me with our two young DC soon, he actually shouted down for me to keep the kids quiet as he was going to have a nap.

Needless to say that we didn't last much longer, as I didn't want to end up in prison for murder.

You've explained your problem very accurately @Quinniebellie , you came from a family with very old fashioned views- DM cleans the house and childcare, DDad goes out to work and makes the money. This is all very well accept it lets your DH off any responsibility once his work is done, all his time is his own and he uses it to enjoy himself but you're on duty every hour in the day, and now you're waking up to fact you're getting a pretty bad deal here.

You know what they say about starting as you mean to go on - it's a shame you didn't because it's going to be a real battle now after years of him having his own way, there's no way he's going to change unless you make him. You left and came back so he won't be impressed by saying change or you'll go.

Could you find it in yourself to have a proper rant at him and tell him how unfair he is? Tell him that laziness kills marriages slowly but surely as your resentment builds and builds?

"Entitled to chill time"... sure.... but parenting doesn't stop. As a single parent this shit always amazes me. Like no matter how shit I feel, I can't just opt out of taking care of my kids. That's not how this stuff works

Dear Lord, is he 6 years old? I have never met a mature adult male who cares two hoots about his own birthday, let alone one who wants a "special birthday tea" and pottery painting. This man is a joke - why are you enabling him?

Ask for a salary ! Seriously though, if you don't stand up for yourself, he'll never change.