WIBU to have had a go at my Mum for food shaming?

[MrsHughesPinny]

My mother and I have always had a complex relationship. She’s very image conscious and I have pretty low self esteem when it comes to my appearance and relationships, but not in my working life, that’s the one place I feel confident.

We’re living together temporarily (I’m paying 50% towards bills, the folks are mortgage free) because I’m waiting for my new house to be finished and in the past month, I’ve had to ask her to stop with the negative comments and food shaming. I’m ashamed to say that this morning I completely went off at her.

She saw I’d had some toast last night, because she watches things like a hawk, down to slices of bread, and this morning said “I see you’ve been stuffing yourself with carbs again” I just went mad and told her I’ve repeatedly asked her not to say things like that. My weight is up and down a bit but I’m fit and healthy and I haven’t asked her for help or advice about it.

Here are some examples from just this month:

I showed her a lovely picture of my sister who has a busy job so we don’t see her much. Her first response to it? “God, she’s gone hell of a size!” She hasn’t.

DS15 - who is like a rake - was eating a normal sized bag of Maltesers and she said “pigging out again are we?” I pulled her up on it immediately because I don’t want DS exposed to that and she said she was just saying something normal and it’s not her fault that’s the way my “crazy brain heard it.”

I was about to go out to run some errands and got a can of pop out of the fridge to take with me. She said “stealing pop again, are you?” I said “given that I pay towards the bills no, but here, have it back.”

I made some breakfast (cereal) and went to sit down at the table with my computer to WFH and she said, I thought you said you were making an omelette for lunch, why are you eating cereal? Because it’s 8 a.m, not 1 p.m.

I’ve been NC with her before but it causes so much stress on the rest of the family I just try to suck it up but she really, really got to me this morning.

Am I being over-sensitive? How could I have handled this better? There’s such an atmosphere now.

Her comments pissed me off just reading them. YADNBU OP. I hope she shuts up and keeps her twatty comments to herself.

I think you are well within your right to put her in her place. I hope you can move out of there asap!

I would order a McDonald’s and sit there and eat it in front of her. Noisily.

Honestly I would live with someone I was no contact with in the past. Is it worth it? Renting or staying at a hotel for 2 months isn’t that expensive in comparison to the way she makes you overthink?

if you stay, you really are going to have to be less sensitive to her comments

I would not* live

This! With added: "Mmm so tender!" "So juicy!"

@LovelyBranches oh, yes, the "saving you from the awful fate of being overweight" - my mum does this. She is otherwise a lovely person but every so often this pops back up. She's slightly overweight herself despite years of dieting and seems to think this makes it OK.

She tends to turn it inside out, saying approvingly "oh, are you watching your calories?" if you say you aren't hungry, or whatever. (No, I'm not, I'm trying to listen to my actual body and eat when I'm hungry and not when I'm not... radical concept or what?) Or she'll comment if she thinks your outfit is "slimming" or you look smaller. She's trying to be nice but it's so transparent.

I have one slightly chunky kid (she goes through a cycle of being a little chubby and then having a growth spurt and stretching out, and the health visitor said this was pretty normal) and Mum's been bemoaning that she'll be miserable about her size when she's older since kiddo was far too small to care. I can't protect her from the world's opinion, but I'm damned if she's ever hearing any comment on anyone's size from me, and I've made it quite clear that Mum isn't to say anything where she can hear it.