To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

I’m really struggling with the people saying inform the Police and making it out to be sexual intent
It doesn’t have to be sexual to be unacceptable and illegal. Indecent exposure is illegal even if it’s totally innocent and the person has disabilities.

I fully understand wanting to report it to the police, but there very likely wasn't a crime committed
Indecent exposure is a crime. I’m struggling to see how you think a teenage male showing his penis in public isn’t a crime? Disabled people aren’t exempt from criminal responsibility.

Have a frank conversation with the neighbours
No. It’s not OP’s job to approach the family of the person who committed the crime. That’s what police are for. OP should not be expected to put herself at risk by confronting someone.

Haven't rtft. Teach her compassion and forbearance. She's not at threat here, don't facilitate her to escalate this into unnecessary drama.

@Bbq1

It's unreasonable to be so definite in this thread that the teenage boy would have had no sexual intent, or no physical ability to harm, when others have related their own experience, including harm from siblings.

OP - I agree with most that this is not something your daughter should have to put up with. Talking to his mother/parents is a clear first step.

As this is a significant safeguarding issue for both your daughter and the boy, it may also be worth contacting your local child safeguarding team.

Perhaps approach her as an ally, make it more about concern for him? Less likely to put her on the defensive?

"Is X ok? DD saw him naked out the front of the house yesterday and he ran towards her. I am worried someone might hurt him, or he could be arrested."

Once the conversation is going, you can add how upset and threatened your DD felt.

Crime, fgs . This is a kid and a mum with challenges you will NEVER understand.

Your comment is incredibly judgmental and really quite outstanding in this day and age. Luckily as a society we are more enlightened. Have you any idea how offensive your comment is to disabled people and their families. Being told your family member should be kept in care and out of sight is so unbelievably hurtful and sole destroying. How about campaigning for more funding to support the families rather than locking up anyone who doesn’t fit into your box of normal.

The police would be best placed to determine that.

I’m not sure why you think warning the boy off or self defense classes are some sort of silver bullet. You can be trained in self defense and still be overpowered and assaulted. Learning self defense is not a guarantee that you’ll be able to protect yourself when faced with attack. It may improve your chances, but it’s hubristic in the extreme to think it makes you impervious.

the daughter has every reason to fear someone capable of doing her harm, who has accosted her in such a way.

I think there’s a lots of over reaction here.

This is a mentally disabled boy who has de-robed and left his home on ONE occasion and by the OP’s own description ‘sort of run towards’ her DD, not ‘chased her home’ in a threatening manner at all. He is not routinely wandering around naked, this is the only occasion that has been mentioned, a one off.

Other teenagers might smoke weed, have loud parties, pee in the street and frighten elderly residents - it’s all relative.

I doubt there was any malice involved and unless it’s a regular occurrence I’d leave the ‘what are you going to do about it’ well alone.

@whumpthereitis agree totally that self defence classes are not the answer here. OP's daughter did exactly the right thing in getting out of the way of someone larger who could have caused her harm.
Messing about with teaching her how to injure him, or threatening consequences if he dies touch her, simply keeps her in harm's way.

*does

It doesn’t matter what disability he has that is no excuse for being outside naked. If his mother is over protective and you think she would get her back up if you went around to speak to her I would ring social services

If they pose a danger to themselves or those around them, then they should be prevented from doing so. That a perpetrator of an attack has a learning disability does not mean it’s any less devastating for the victim, or that people should accept being victimized.

Your brother’s nudity may not have been sexual, but that isn’t the case for all. There is more than one poster on this thread that has reported being sexually assaulted by someone with learning disabilities, including one assaulted by her assaulted by her autistic brother. Having autism does not mean someone lacks sexual feelings, or that they’re incapable of acting upon them.

The mother’s stress is frankly irrelevant. It in no way justifies brushing this incident under the carpet, for the sake of her son and those around him.

“I doubt there was any malice invokved”

You have no idea as to his intentions. That said, you don’t need malicious intent in order to severely harm someone. Either way, it’s alarming behaviour that requires early intervention in order to prevent escalation, as well as for his own safety. If he does it again he could end up seriously hurt himself if someone attacks him as a result.

@Crazyducklady

There may well not be malice involved - though one of us has that information.

What may be more likely is a physically grown teenager, with sexual urges which he does not understand, in a position which makes him both threatening and extremely vulnerable.

If this is indeed the first time he has been in this position, it's a wake-up call for everyone who has his welfare at heart.

Sowm intervention is clearly needed, rather than waiting for it to become a 'regular occurrence' with risks of further distress to OP's daughter and potentially significant harm to the young man himself.

*Some

typos!

Haven't read all the posts; however DH's neighbour's son across the street used to w&nk publicly and went on to offend. Contact the police and get the necessary services involved - you might be preventing a crime in the future!

What do you call it when someone is sexually assaulted by a person with a learning disability then? Acceptable collateral damage in the name of ‘compassion’? OP’s responsibility is to her daughter, and her daughter’s safety.

Compassion for the mother does not mean she has to accept her daughter being put at risk. And yes, autism or not, his behaviour absolutely demonstrates that he poses a risk.

You have no clue as to whether this boy is a threat. Unnecessary drama? Do get a grip, even I as an adult woman, would be disturbed by this.

Police and social services @Meanswell .

Unbelievable.

I agree. Nudity in public places is unacceptable, especially in front of young girls, and especially if he lunges at the girls. He may not be as innocent as some of you seem to think.
Girls should never be taught to be kind and understanding about this kind of thing. It's the boy who has to be taught to behave himself.

he's a child with autism, he was naked with no I'll intent.
@MarchMadness23

So autistic people are incapable of ill intent? He CHASED a young teenager for crying out loud. It's not acceptable. If an adult autistic man was sending explicit pictures of himself to a child, would you brush it under the carpet? Of course fucking not.

OP, message the mum. Your daughter doesn't need to see this, autism or not.

If this is happening, safeguarding needs adjusting to make sure it doesn't happen again, for other peoples safety and also for his own dignity.

Such an awful situation. It's very common for severely autistic people to like to take their clothes off, often for sensory reasons. However, that doesn't make it OK for them to break the law and I'm sure his parents are trying their best to avoid such situations.

Equally - teenage boys have 'desires' and it may well be that someone with learning disabilities may not be well equipped to deal with those in an appropriate way. He shouldn't be exposing himself outside and he could be a risk to your DD or others - you don't know.

As a Mum of an ASD son I applaud you for thinking more widely, but this does need stopping now. The poor Mum may be at her wits end, but her DS can't be allowed to continue to do this, and it could end badly. And your DD should be able to leave home without fear of repercussions.

I don't know how you should take it forwards (sorry - HRTFT so hopefully there have been good suggestions) but please do engage with his school or possibly even the parents, this really does need resolving.

There's zero tolerance for a naked 16 year old boy chasing a young teenager NAKED to the point she locks herself in.
He's broken the law for starters.

But that's fine because he has autism...🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes, I would raise it with the mother.

She needs to make sure he doesn't get out unaccompanied if stripping off is likely. Or even if it isn't. He's non verbal and presumably not capable of dealing with police or members of the public.

Not everyone is going to be understanding or kind to a naked 16 year old boy walking around outdoors.

This is as much about his protection as it is about the protection of others.

Fuck me, if this happened to one of my daughters once, I would sure as hell be making sure it didn't happen a second time!!!

I don't give a flying fuck what sensitivities are involved, this is NOT ok!!