To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

i think this is a very sensitive subject and i really dont want to upset anyone with this.

I think i will message her tomorrow

Well if the boy’s mother is made aware that her son is chasing girls home, maybe she’ll keep even closer tabs on him. She’s probably in denial about the fact that, autism or not, he’s got a sex drive, he’s clearly interested in nudity and in teenage girls, and this situation needs intervention and help or one day he’ll be arrested for rape. The autism won’t prevent him growing into a strong man who can physically overpower girls. You’re very naive if you can’t see where this situation is headed.

If the mother was doing “all she can” the guy wouldn’t be naked in the street chasing girls. Doors have locks you know.

he's a child with autism, he was naked with no I'll intent.

How do you know that @MarchMadness23 ? He could want to hug or touch her- which is very much an ill intention from a naked teenager to a teenage young girl. And even if his intentions are not bad- he can still inflict damage by his actions.

How often has he been outside naked?

why is your DD being so dramatic? She's a teenager. Has she never spoken to this boy? Does she not understand autism? Is nakedness not usual in your family? Everyone's naked under their clothes, I feel her reaction is a touch extreme.

You can't be serious? If a stranger in public flashed you would your response be, "well, everyone is naked under their clothes". Ridiculous.

It is sensitive, but it has upset your daughter so I would be concentrating on that tbh.

All the posters making a judgement about his intent, its a huge risk issue for a young male, full of hormones but without the social skills, impulse control and recognitions of their own needs to be dsiplaying himself without clothes on

He has already caused distress to one young girl, he's likely to do this again unless he is supported to manage himself differently and/or likely to get attacked if he continues.

Amazed at people minimising this.

@Meanswell personally I would be inclined to take the lead from your DD then. I would explain that he is non verbal and his challenges, as you understand them. If it really has upset her to the extent that she doesn't want to leave the house, tell her you will speak to the neighbour.

See what she says and if she wants you to broach the subject so as to make her feel safer, then do so in a calm and measured manner. I'd knock on and say "I know that your son doesn't understand, however he was outside naked the other day and came towards DD while she was walking the dog. She was scared. I have explained that your son doesn't understand but I also have to be aware that DD has felt anxious afterwards." See what she says.

If it happens again, then escalate, but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing at all.

So just because he has autism also means he has no ill intent?

OP, you have every right to be annoyed and I would say it to the mother. Surely for the sons safety they should have a lock on the door that prevents him leaving alone.

Oh what a difficult situation.

I think you have it exactly right - you need to message her to make her aware but sensitively. Whatever the family are dealing with, this behaviour is inappropriate and safeguards need to be put in place to prevent it happening again. This boy could end up in a lot of trouble with police etc regardless of his SEND if he continues this behaviour. And your daughter should be able to walk around without being chased by naked teenagers.

Where is his mother????? And why isn’t this boy getting the care he needs too?

(no we can’t minimise this because of autism, come on)

If that was my teenage daughter I'd have phoned the police straight away. Your daughter ran into the house and locked the door, she must have been terrified.
He's a teenager. Just because he has autism does not mean he didn't know what he was doing. I've got family with autism and I know there's different spectrums but the police need to know.

I'm all for kindness, compassion and understanding and obviously any conversation must have that, but in no way is it acceptable for a naked 16 yo to be approaching a younger girl (or anyone else) in the street, whatever his difficulties.

Just hazarding a guess here but probably wanted to protect her young daugher from the naked older teen running towards her.

His parent needs to be made aware that he ran at at a young teen when he was naked and scared her. This is not ok. Your DD does not need to be ok with this. His parents need to be more aware of what he is doing and where he is. The onus is on them not your DD to prevent inappropriate situations.

I would speak to her and see how seriously she takes it. If you’re not happy with her response I’d be going to the police.

Enough of this be kind and shut up girls nonsense. It’s completely unacceptable

@Meanswell i would not be happy about this. Teenage girls should not have to grin and bear this.
of course yoj must speak with the mum or contact children’s services for someone professional to do it.

I'd be having a word with his Mum. It's better coming from you than the Police turning up the door.

If he's not capable of looking after himself his mum needs to ensure his safety too. Autistic or not its totally inappropriate. No wonder your daughters upset.

Absolutely shocking response from @MarchMadness23 OP your daughter has reacted exactly how most girls would at seeing a 16 yo boy expose himself. It’s deeply upsetting and often quite traumatising. This doesn’t mean that the boy is at fault but to minimise your daughters distress can cause permanent fractures in relationships.

I think definitely speak to the mum. She may well need extra help and you may be able to help her get that if she’s happy for you to make a statement explaining the issues as it’s obviously not acceptable for anyone.

It is a big deal. It’s a massive safe guarding fail for him for a start and mortifying for your dd.

He was ‘lucky’ that it was your dd and not someone who may take advantage of him.

We teach our daughters that it’s not acceptable to tolerate this from men but it’s ok if they have autism? Bollocks.
How much can you excuse? Is there a limit on what’s acceptable and what’s not?

As a mum of an autistic teenager I know it’s hard (understatement!) but his family need to protect him. The world is an unkind place.

I don’t think that your dd is being dramatic and I hope that she is okay.

Are you seriously asking how to go about telling her that her naked son was outside the house, and ran towards your daughter, scaring her?

Errrm you just tell her exactly that, obviously.

You are not being unreasonable. This behaviour can escalate quickly. Both children need protecting in sperate ways

I'm equally amazed that this apparent one off (no mention of anything beforehand) by a neighbours child known to have profound disabilities is causing such angst. Yes it would be shocking. But a conversation about it and the reasons should be enough.

No one said it was acceptable. But some tolerance for a one off is surely not too much to ask.

Luckily we were all home at the time. I actually will go down and knock tomorrow.

I explained to my daughter that what happened was not okay and I will speak to his mum to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

That is difficult, I feel sorry for the boy and his family but I also see why your daughter was upset.

I think it would depend how often it has happened. If it is just once I would assume it may have been a one-off and probably wouldn't say anything. And would tell DD if it happens again to come inside and get you. If it's more than once I would politely let the boy's mum know. Tricky though.