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Original poster

To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

533 replies

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:14

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

OP posts:
ItsMeAgainYesHowDidYouGuess2 · 27/03/2023 02:01

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JDHC · 27/03/2023 02:10

irreverent · 26/03/2023 23:10

I agree fully, but it seems this is also the first occurrence so it's not common? But most important is to make sure the lass knows she doesn't need to be afraid of him.

It's the first time the OPs DD saw.

It could've happened before and can happen again.

RosaCaramella · 27/03/2023 02:16

I’m sure his being out of his house naked must have been a mistake. It’s definitely worth mentioning to his mother as I’m sure she wouldn’t have been happy about him being out alone never mind out naked.
I can only imagine the shock to your DD and hope this incident doesn’t lead to lasting anxiety about going out alone or about boys / men in general. I imagine she could be reassured if the boy’s mother takes steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again. I hope DD is ok.

BadNomad · 27/03/2023 02:31

he was left alone for a couple of minutes

You're saying his mother knew he was standing out front naked? Nah. Overprotective mothers don't do that.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/03/2023 02:32

RosaCaramella · 27/03/2023 02:16

I’m sure his being out of his house naked must have been a mistake. It’s definitely worth mentioning to his mother as I’m sure she wouldn’t have been happy about him being out alone never mind out naked.
I can only imagine the shock to your DD and hope this incident doesn’t lead to lasting anxiety about going out alone or about boys / men in general. I imagine she could be reassured if the boy’s mother takes steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again. I hope DD is ok.

Frankly even indoors naked is questionable.

SpidersAreShitheads · 27/03/2023 03:11

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 27/03/2023 02:32

Frankly even indoors naked is questionable.

Show quote history

Good luck forcing an almost fully grown male to wear clothes when he doesn’t want to.

Nudity isn’t that unusual for someone with profound autism. Clothing can cause sensory distress - there are lots of autistic people who struggle with it, even those who wear clothes and don’t have the same level of difficulty.

Absolutely not excusing the boy charging around naked outside but I know quite a few autistic teens with profound difficulties who it’s almost impossible to keep clothes on inside.

Coyoacan · 27/03/2023 03:21

I feel sorry for all concerned, but young men have sexual drives and autism does not diminish them. She was right to run and right to be scared.

JDHC · 27/03/2023 04:19

ToastMarmalade · 26/03/2023 23:59

I’m just a bit gobsmacked that people aren’t aware of how vulnerable this boy was to be out on his own naked, with no supervisory adults. In this scenario I would have knocked on the door and if met by a ‘what is the problem’ response I’d have phoned the police. I know it’s tough but you can get door locks specially for kids that can escape - and I’d be very worried that this boy is going to come to harm if he does this regularly.

The fact that he ran at OPs daughter seems to be the only thing people are focused on. A very vulnerable child, was naked, on his own!

The OPs daughter is vulnerable! This 16 year olds actions could've been sexually motivated.

We will never know.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2023 04:38

The mother would want to know.
Just go in and explain and make sure she is aware of the incident and that you are concerned for him and for anyone else who might take offence at such surprising behaviour.
The mother can not address it if she is truly ignorant and doesn't know.

If the young man continues to be naked outside the family will need to screen in their yard.

OlympicProcrastinator · 27/03/2023 04:49

Is nakedness not usual in your family? Everyone's naked under their clothes

weirdo

ElizabethBest · 27/03/2023 04:52

Ok, I have a child with profound autism. Can people please stop making out he’s some kind of pervert - he has absolutely no understanding of what he’s done “wrong” if he’s profoundly autistic - a lot of autistic people struggle to wear clothes due to sensory issues. What feels like a t shirt to you or I can literally feel like sandpaper to a profoundly autistic person due to their sensory reception being off.

HOWEVER - please can you let his mum know asap. It’s not great for your daughter, and there is a safeguarding implication for him too - I’m sure his mum would want to know that he was engaging in any kind of unsafe behaviour that could cause him to come to harm.

ArcticSkewer · 27/03/2023 05:10

Report via social services. I would say via police except I wouldn't trust them to deal with this appropriately and sensitively.

It absolutely needs reporting and the minimising on here is pathetic.

It may be that it was a one off or it may be that the family is struggling with, for example, violent and sexualised behaviour, and it is time to consider residential care or further support for the family. Even as evidence for a pip claim a report may be useful for the family to show the issues they face.

SunshineGeorgie · 27/03/2023 05:15

He ran at her?

What would he have done if she hadnt moved?

JDHC · 27/03/2023 05:25

ElizabethBest · 27/03/2023 04:52

Ok, I have a child with profound autism. Can people please stop making out he’s some kind of pervert - he has absolutely no understanding of what he’s done “wrong” if he’s profoundly autistic - a lot of autistic people struggle to wear clothes due to sensory issues. What feels like a t shirt to you or I can literally feel like sandpaper to a profoundly autistic person due to their sensory reception being off.

HOWEVER - please can you let his mum know asap. It’s not great for your daughter, and there is a safeguarding implication for him too - I’m sure his mum would want to know that he was engaging in any kind of unsafe behaviour that could cause him to come to harm.

You know that because it's your son. You have absolutely no way of applying that to the boy in question.

And where are the comments about the boy being a pervert?
There's comments that he has broken the law, been publicly indecent, and could be fuelled by hormones / sexual feelings, as he is 16, and no autistics are the same, so there is a chance he acted upon sexual urges.

Those above are all fact. That doesn't change or blur the lines because the boy has autism. You are very experienced in autism when it comes to your son, but that doesn't make other autistics the same. (I have a severely autistic close relative. He is non-verbal, and has the capacity to act upon sexual urges.)

There are threads on MN about autistic men / boys that have had restraining orders against them. Who have stalked women online.

Profoundly autistic people are incredibly vulnerable. But not all profoundly autistic people have no sexual desire or control.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 27/03/2023 05:31

Avarua2 · 27/03/2023 01:06

Crime, fgs . This is a kid and a mum with challenges you will NEVER understand.

I don't need to understand. Any 16 year old who runs naked towards my child, will be having the police called on them. Being autistic doesn't enable him to get away with this behaviour. It also doesn't absolve him of sexual urges. This needs to never happen again.

Dirtydiesel · 27/03/2023 05:50

Talk to his mum. If you have reason to believe she won't listen then ring social services. Ringing the police in this situation will achieve nothing more than ringing social services because that is who they will contact as it will be treated as a safeguarding issue (which includes safeguarding others) as it doesn't sound like he has capacity.

Kokeshi123 · 27/03/2023 05:55

Inthedeep · 27/03/2023 01:08

Your comment is incredibly judgmental and really quite outstanding in this day and age. Luckily as a society we are more enlightened. Have you any idea how offensive your comment is to disabled people and their families. Being told your family member should be kept in care and out of sight is so unbelievably hurtful and sole destroying. How about campaigning for more funding to support the families rather than locking up anyone who doesn’t fit into your box of normal.

Show quote history

That poster expressed herself in rather a crass way, but honestly, if families are not able to cope with a person who has severe disabilities and continuing with home based care is potentially endangering the family, the person themselves and/or others, then yes, residential care may be essential (whether it can be found or funded in practice, mind you, is another matter).

That's not "locking people up because we want to hide them," it's just facing reality.

Autienotnautie · 27/03/2023 05:57

SNWannabe · 26/03/2023 22:26

I have to disagree with people saying it’s not a big deal. It is. The mum should absolutely be told and she should be expected to stop her son from behaving in this way. It’s not an excuse to say he’s autistic and “doesn’t understand” as that wouldn’t be accepted as an excuse if he didn’t understand the law and stole things from shops.
No, teenage girls should
not have to just accept being accosted by naked boys or men outside their own door, no way. No she is NOT being “overly dramatic” about a naked teenaged boy running towards her. What a ridiculous thing to say.
@Meanswell Definitely raise it with the mum and if she doesn’t address it she is failing to keep her son and your daughter safe and I’d take it further- like social work or the (non emergency) police.

If he has significant global developmental delay and stole he would not be treated the same as someone who didn't.

Op I would say something to his mum, firstly to make sure she's aware and secondly to look for what she intends to do to safeguard going forward. I'd explain to your dd about his disability so she understands but it's also important she knows this isn't something she should have to accept .

Dirtydiesel · 27/03/2023 06:01

"and continuing with home based care is potentially endangering the family, the person themselves and/or others, then yes, residential care may be essential"

It is likely in this case the family is receiving no support at home.

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 27/03/2023 06:06

Raineth · 26/03/2023 22:23

Oh fuck off, no girls don’t need to be educated that they must be kind and accept that some men will flash them and chase them while naked.

OP text the boy’s mother if you have her number, or speak to her if you don’t. Keep it very calm and fact based. “Hi. My daughter is currently scared to leave the house because your son keeps standing out the front completely naked and recently chased her home, naked. I know the situation is very difficult. My daughter has a right to leave the house without being chased by naked men. What can you do to prevent this happening again?”

Show quote history

This is neither fact based nor calm.

Inthedeep · 27/03/2023 06:29

Kokeshi123 · 27/03/2023 05:55

That poster expressed herself in rather a crass way, but honestly, if families are not able to cope with a person who has severe disabilities and continuing with home based care is potentially endangering the family, the person themselves and/or others, then yes, residential care may be essential (whether it can be found or funded in practice, mind you, is another matter).

That's not "locking people up because we want to hide them," it's just facing reality.

Show quote history

The thing is none of us here know the circumstances of the boy, or their family, except maybe the OP - we are all just speculating. Some of us are assuming the boy has severe learning difficulties and developmentally delayed. That the motive wasn’t in anyway sexual, the same way it’s not if a toddler strips off. Others are assuming a sexual motive. None of us know and are jumping to assumptions.

This could well be a one off isolated event and isn’t a long term safe guarding situation, or it could be just one of many issues and events, we just don’t know. However if this was your child would you feel happy reading the comments people on here have written about the boy and his parents, the judgement which has taken place and how much he’s been demonised. Imagine it was your child - you’d be horrified the way he’s been spoken about. I feel extremely sorry for the OP’s daughter and the situation must have been incredibly scary for her, but at the same time people should see this isn’t the same as some average 16 year old having moved towards her naked, but an incredibly vulnerable young adult who equally may need protection.

TheDogthatDug · 27/03/2023 06:42

People with autism can display inappropriate sexual behaviour. Through work I know of one young autistic man who has to have 24hr supervision because he presents a very high risk to children - he has sexual urges towards them and would no doubt act on them if given the opportunity. Having autism is not an excuse to tolerate certain behaviours that are unacceptable in the rest of the population.

Divorcedalongtime · 27/03/2023 06:42

@Inthedeep but extremely vulnerable people rape and sexually assault also, many on there, myself included, have testified to that.
we can’t keep minimising girls and women’s right to feel safe.

hattie43 · 27/03/2023 06:43

Some of the responses can only come from parents of autistic kids to be that tolerant .
It's totally ok for OP to be shocked and her daughter alarmed . It's not usual to see naked kids approach and who knows his intent .

Twiglets1 · 27/03/2023 06:44

She is in her early teens and therefore old enough to understand that this young man was not doing anything malicious or dangerous. I would have a talk with your daughter rather than this young man’s mother tbh. He is only 16 - just a few years older than your own daughter so still a child himself really and one with special needs.

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