To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

I'm sorry but I absolutely do not agree with this at all.

Why should the daughter modify her behaviour to accept a naked male running towards her?? Regardless of disability, autism. Whatever.

If this young man is prone to taking his clothes off then his cries need to be taking better care of him. Not convincing a young girl to accept that behaviour!

I think it's outrageous that you are suggesting that it's OP's daughter that needs to change her behaviour.

And yes OP you need to speak to the mother.

Firstly - don't listen to any of the posters saying your daughter was over reacting. Secondly, no one on this thread knows that boys intent, you included. He is ultimately a 16 year old male, full of hormones, so it is fairly likely he did have bad intent.

I would congratulate your daughter on thinking quickly and taking care of herself, on reading the situation and getting herself to a position of safety. This is a good opportunity to boost her confidence in taking care of herself.

I would absolutely talk to the boys mother about this, you are within your right.

It is impossible to know what is going on in that boy's home, no matter how good a neighbour you are. My partner worked in care homes with severly disabled/autistic males, a few of whom ended up there after trying to rape their mums. Ultimately they were strong young males with sexual urges.

Good luck op
X

It's really hard to give advice but you can always go and ask to speak to his mother and hear what she has to say. But I'd probably have rang the police as he is either aware of what he is doing and poses a danger to other teens and children or he needs more support. He must have been left alone, as I know I would have noticed if I was in the house and someone was in my garden naked.
He's nearly an adult now and he's lucky that a parent didn't publicity shame him online or went down there and started shouting and screaming or worst. Not everyone will know he's got learning difficulties.

I agree fully, but it seems this is also the first occurrence so it's not common? But most important is to make sure the lass knows she doesn't need to be afraid of him.

@Danielle9891 Autism is not a learning disability.

I would speak to her in a 'just in case you weren't aware' way. Regardless of his disability it does need to be addressed. Not only to protect women and girls from discomfort, but also for his own dignity and safety. I'm quite surprised that the people saying 'leave it' haven't factored his own welfare into this, even if they feel your daughter's is unimportant.

I mean.... it literally is.... that's not the main concern of it though, but it definitely constitutes an educational disadvantage.

Knowing someone does not mean always being aware of the intent behind their actions, especially in regards to behavior not previously exhibited.

He’s a teenager with sexual urges, who absolutely could have physically harmed her DD if he’d managed to catch her. Not meaning to inflict harm does not mean harm isn’t nevertheless inflicted.

Having zero tolerance to disturbing behaviours doesn’t mean he can’t be treated with compassion.

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.
By your standards, just because we are all naked under our clothes we should all accept seeing other people naked at any time? And be fine to be chased by them? You have absolutely NO WAY OF KNOWING if he had any ill intent and neither did she.
This is a massive safeguarding concern. There is a vulnerable teenager who is not being supervised properly. Being naked in the street and running after others is never acceptable, but it’s on the people who are supporting this teenager to ensure he doesn’t get into that situation again. If he has such severe ASD that he is not aware at his age that being naked in public is not ok, then he should be more closely supervised. Someone was not paying enough attention for some time - long enough for him to get naked, go outside, stand in the street and chase someone. The person supervising him may well benefit from some additional support. He may well need 1:1 support from a care worker. Indeed, he may already have that and the support worker failed to do their job. Regardless, a teenage girl has the right not be chased down the street by a naked teenager irrespective of his disability. What he has done is a crime!
OP, you may feel that you cannot approach this parent, but you should as a matter of urgency contact social services to report it.

My brother is severly autistic and severe learning difficulties. Please report this to the non emergency police. My brother used to do this and probably still does, i have been estranged for a long time and only speak to my mother on rare occasions. This behaviour does escalate, and for me it did and multiple sexual assault attempts later my mother would always say he dosnt understand ect. She is still massively in denial and i wouldnt be shocked if the same happens in the home now to her.
im not saying thats what would/does happen in your neighbours house but especially if he has siblings living in that home, please report this. I wish someone had for me.

As a parent of an autistic child I would want to know. Please knock and see if she realises.

Where did I say it wasn't a learning disability?

@Mum23amazingkids you can't say it wasn't sexual for sure. It might not be, it might be. Just because he has autism doesn't mean he isn't having the same sexual feelings/hormone surges as any NT 16 year old.

Of course it is understandable she was scared of him. He was running towards her, naked.

I would pop over and let the parents know. It’s a safety issue for him if nothing else.

You just need to talk to her with compassion. Her son was in a vulnerable situation as well. You both want to avoid it happening again.

I totally understand having a visceral reaction over it, but in this case it will be more helpful to approach it as two concerned mothers who need to avoid a bad situation from reoccurring.

If she is not receptive then that's another issue.

@Untitledsquatboulder the fact it happened once is once too many, both for the DD and for his own safety as has been outlined several times in the thread by more knowledgeable posters than you. What a dickish comment.

The boy is being failed by his carers and this needs addressing. Firmly, but sensitively. I understand why you don't want to go nuclear as the first option but there's a risk of downplaying the incident.

I would explain what happened and how much your daughter was scared. Ask his parents to make sure it isn't possible for him to be in that situation in future. Stress that you understand it's difficult but if it happens again you will need to call the police for both your daughter's safety and for his. If they are trying to get support from the authorities, see if it would be helpful for you to provide a statement to add more weight to their case.

I'm so sad to have read this and I wish I could give you a massive hug.

????!!!!!!

No you don't call the police on an autistic non verbal child 🙄

Why?

I'd be really worried about his safety tbh. I've come across (professionally) people with reduced inhibitions who have done things like and who have been targeted by others in the community. She needs to know he was outside naked.

Exactly in what I was replying to... You must be taking the piss

Oh dear God