To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

How old is your dd? Any older than about 10, I'd tell her to toughen up - of course she can go out the front - what nonsense

So older than 10 a female child should just toughen up and tolerate sex crimes like flashing?
Jesus christ.

This is just about the worst advice ever given in the history of Mumsnet.

Yes, because the mothers stress level is the responsibility of the OP, and should be of greater concern than the wellbeing and safety of her daughter.

🥴

Oh do get knotted

If you don't tell the mother and he sexually assaulted someone else how would you feel?

Er,no I'm not talking about somebody deciding not to.speak.,
I'm talking about people,who can't speak ,some people are completely unableto.speak,my13 year old son has never uttered aword.inhis life that's not him.choosing not to speak ,for what ever reason his autism impacts him to such a degree that he's completely non verbal,that's what non verbal means

I know that's what you meant. But what I am saying is, the court won't not charge somebody because they are unable to speak. If they are unable to speak for medical reasons, the ruling will be slightly different.

I’m guessing you don’t have daughters? I hope to god you don’t …

How old is your dd? Any older than about 10, I'd tell her to toughen up - of course she can go out the front - what nonsense

So if a 10 year old was flashed you'd tell them to grow up and that it was fine?
Fucking hell.

Honestly some of the replies on this thread are absolutely nuts.

I also wonder if so many of the posters who are seemingly fine in saying that the daughter should just get over it would be saying this differently if it was a woman that did this, and not a man. Apparently women wearing thongs and similar to the beach is APPALLING behaviour, but a man whapping his dick out on public for any reason what so ever is fine.

You've lost your head

How would you charge and convict Someone when can't even speak?
how could you cross examine them? some of you don't seem.to.have the faintest clue about how severe autism can be
@x2boys

Right okay. So we'll let all crimes slide because so and so over there can't talk.

Give over 😂

Criminal responsibility and competency to stand trial would be assessed by professionals, not posters on mumsnet. Not being criminally liable also doesn’t mean that someone hasn’t proved themselves a risk to the public, and they can be held in a secure hospital as a result of their actions, as well as to protect themselves and others.

so while a report may not result in a conviction, it absolutely still is worth reporting.

@x2boys
"My partner worked in care homes with severly disabled/autistic males, a few of whom ended up there after trying to rape their mums."
This was a comment by @BlessedKali on page 5 of this thread.
Intellectually disabled and autistic people will still face the consequences of their actions / crimes, albeit in a different way to the general public. They will be placed in secure units. They don't get off scot-free on account of their disability. And they will remain there until doctors/psychiatrists decide they are no longer a risk or threat to family members / the general public. And that could mean they are never discharged.

Honestly a word need to be had. Not nastily but he can’t be allowed to run around naked at people. Depending on the response from the mother I’d possibly then inform the police/social services to hopefully get extra help for them.

No women girl or child should be faced with a naked near adult or adult running towards them. Full stop.

The boy and his mum in a way are lucky it was op and her daughter and they seem understanding. A new family in the neighbourhood hood with a dad who decides to take matters into his own hands as his daughters just had a naked 16 year old boy charge at her would be a big issue.

@Mum23amazingkids your posts are really offensive and rude, and are really upsetting me. You also have no CLUE what you are talking about. I shall not be conversing with you any more. Your victim blaming and denial makes me feel sick. Shame on you.

Someone who doesn’t have capacity can still be remanded into custody for a crime. They won’t be “charged” as such - the court will find they’re “not fit to plead” and will hold a “fact finding session” instead of a trial. The result may still be incarceration, but instead of a prison they’ll be remanded to a secure hospital.

In fact a person who lacks capacity may be incarcerated for longer than a person who does have capacity - because the person who has capacity is deemed capable of rehabilitation and remorse, while the person who lacks capacity is not capable of those things and thus remains at risk of re-offending.

I hope you don’t have a daughter.

way to go blaming the victim.

"If they commit a serious crime but don't have capacity, then they'll be committed to a secure facility for people with intellectual disabilities. They won't, and shouldn't, be allowed to remain at large in society because they are a risk to others."

In the situation the OP has described, supervision would have stopped it. Committing to a secure facility won't be necessary.

I would approach his mum. He may have no understanding of the implications of the situation but it still needs to be addressed. They need to have better strategies in place for his safety and the safety of others.

I've an autistic 6 year old.

You don't have a right to "press charges". That is purely a police and CPS decision. They are not going to charge a teenager with major learning difficulties with assault purely because he "kind of ran" towards someone. It's not even clear that he is guilty of indecent exposure, given that that requires intent to alarm someone, and he may well be unable to form the relevant intention. There could be all sorts of reasons why this young man was naked, including a simple sensory intolerance to the feeling of clothes; I'm not denying that it could also be sexual, but, particularly in the current weather conditions, that is certainly not inevitable, and, again, there would be major difficulty in proving any form of intent.

No-one is trying to guilt-trip OP. Approaching the mother on the footing that the boy's conduct is putting him in danger is simply suggested as a way of putting the problem to her in a way that is going to cause least offence, and therefore likely to be the best way of resolving the issue. OP's daughter doesn't have to be involved in that part of the process at all.

Going to the police has the potential of putting OP's daughter through, as a minimum, a lot of trouble and discussions which she might find embarrassing and difficult to handle, even with OP's or another adult's support. Imagine going through all that and then discovering that the police will do nothing anyway.

This. ^ @zingally what a horrific post. Shame on you.

She’s not in the UK. The poster you’re quoting would have the right to press charges.

The people best placed to ascertain his motivations, competency, and potential risks posed would be professionals. Professionals that would be called upon in the event of it being reported.

Merely talking to the mother may be the best way to resolve it, but equally it may not be. Not alerting the relevant authorities may mean that the behavior continues, escalates, and/or puts him in danger of retaliation.

the daughter may find dealing with the police distressing, but it’s entirely possible that she finds it less distressing than not reporting it.

OP’s responsibility is to her daughter. It is not to her neighbour or her neighbour’s son.

It's quite a tell that many posters would have the OP prioritise someone else's son over her own daughter. Says a lot about how differently boys and girls are valued in society.

@Rosula

1. You don't have a right to "press charges".

Yes I do in the country I live in. The age of criminal responsibility is 12 here, but 10 for sexual offences, which is what this boy did - he committed the sexual offence of indecent exposure, and to a child, at that. Whether he knew what he was doing or not does not negate the fact that he committed a crime, and could rightfully have to face the legal consequences of that.

1. "Going to the police has the potential of putting OP's daughter through, as a minimum, a lot of trouble and discussions which she might find embarrassing and difficult to handle."

Not as difficult or as embarrassing as having a naked male running towards her. She's 13. Imagine how frightened she felt.

@zingally what an awful thing to say.