To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

the teen years are a time of intense hormonal change

people with autism have hormones and sexual urges. NT people have hormones and sexual urges.

I'm a little surprised by it too, @MarchMadness23 .

I think society is getting much more uptight about nudity than when I was a teen (late 1960s-early '70s).

I very much doubt that this young man is doing it with the intention to shock or frighten anyone.

If he is outside in his boxers (and allowed to do this rather than the occasional escape and being whisked back in) this isn't appropriate either. Although no one I know with a young person that age would 'allow' this.

What I'm saying is there are many unknowns and jumping to conclusions

what is known is:

he was outside naked
he is male and older and bigger than his female neighbour
he ran toward this girl
she was frightened enough to run inside and lock the door
her feelings and actions are 100% justified

I very much doubt that this young man is doing it with the intention to shock or frighten anyone

Nevertheless, if you're a young teenage girl and an older, larger male runs at you naked, shocked and frightened is what you will be.

OP this is not acceptable and would be a frightening thing for a teen I'm sure. No one knows his motivation which might have been completely innocent - but it doesn't matter really as what did happen wasn't acceptable anyway.

It sounds like the young man needs more supervision than he is getting - but that might be all down to his mum who is trying her best but struggling with watching him 24/7 and can't find anyone to help or support.

Is his mum aware that he was outside naked? If so I think I would leave it, keep an eye out and see if it happens again - and then gently say something.

You have no clue do you?
First of all Autism.is a HUGE, SPECTRUM not body is going to.be putting a severely disabled teen on the sexual offenders register ,because for one he was outside naked ,he didn't actually do anything ,by all.accounts he doesn't have the capacity to.understand that being naked is inappropriate ,and How exactly is being outside naked and " kind of " running towards the Op,s daughter sexually assaulting her ,???
I'm not excusing the behaviour but the police would not be dealing with it in the way you think they would thankfully .

This is not sexual assault. Firstly he did not make physical contact with her and (from the limited information we have) there is nothing to prove that the intent was sexual if he had.

Sexual assault requires non-consensual physical contact of a sexual nature.

This is absolute rubbish. Autistic individuals are first and foremost people and have the same sexual development as their peers. I am autistic and am married with children, as are most of the autistic individuals I know. Only 1 in 5 autistic individuals have a learning disability.

Whether they have a learning disability or not autistic individuals are capable of choosing to behave inappropriately for their own sexual gratification.

If the mum is know for being aggressive I’d write your concerns in a letter and post it through her door. Then she has time for emotions to spike and fade before you see her again

Not quite. According to OP, he "kind of" ran. Doesn't sound like it looked very intentional. And she "came inside", she didn't run inside.

Well said ! People here have no idea how hard it is in this mums position . Living in fear people think the wrong thing . Why are people so compassionate about visible illnesses and disabilities but not with autism and similar . It seems like an isolated incident and I’m whiling to bet this boys mum has probably lost a nights sleep thinking the op could contact the police or ss .

"Autism or no,this dangerous young man needs to be on the sex offenders register before someone is raped."

This wouldn't cause him to be added to the sex offenders register.

Well you are very silly person ! There was no sexual assault at all . Most autistic people , specially non verbal love running up and down or jumping around too , having no clothes suggest q sensory issue and not a sexual one . The running of pups be very common . You are so ignorant

Nobody here said this . People told you this downstairs seem sexually motivated and it doesn’t st at all . Of course people have sexual urges but they normally don’t get displayed this way .

To be on the sex offenders register there needs to be a crime committed and there needs to be capacity.

I’m on the side of phoning the police but your comment is way over the top

He is autistic, so his sexual urges might well be expressed like this. I say might, as I don’t know but then neither do you.

You be known hundreds of teen autistic boys over the years and I’m yet to meet a 16 year old non verbal autistic teen that expresses sexually this way . So the probabilities are extremely small

I think if she is argumentative etc that even the most tactful approach will result in her being awkward.

By all means be tactful but of she becomes aggressive perhaps leave it with “if there is any repeat of this behaviour I will have to report to the police as it cannot go unchecked and approaching you directly clearly does not work”

It will feel uncomfortable but you are not in the wrong

Whether this was sexual, sensual or not, the son is outside in inclement weather, naked. It is not clear whether he has a clear sense of danger, or whether he is (like my eldest) almost impervious to the cold until he becomes hypothermic. The mother needs to know. The behaviour needs to be logged, so the people caring for the young man can help to keep him (and potentially others) safe.

It could be that if appropriate communication is used, the young man will be able to learn where and when to take off his clothes, and that the garden is not the place to be naked. However, in order for the mother and other carers to decide (with the young person) the best course of action to take, she needs to know that the behaviour is taking place, and that it is disturbing others.

It could be that the mother is already finding the needs of a strong adolescent with communication problems very difficult to come with, and that this behaviour is a catalyst for extra support. She really does need to know.

cope with

?

Yes.

Have you any understanding about policing?

Posters in this thread have shared their own painful experiences of being assaulted by men and boys with learning disabilities. That you haven’t encountered one that expresses sexuality in this way does not mean they do not exist, or that the risk posed to OP’s dd was/is negligible.

Incidentally, your opinion that the probabilities of this being sexually motivated are low doesn’t seem to be shared by organisations that actually specialize in the safeguarding of children:

“There is evidence to suggest that incidence of physical and sexual abuse is higher amongst children and adults with a learning disability than in the general population.”

https://www.wirralsafeguarding.co.uk/procedures/11-9-assessing-sexual-perpetrators-learning-disabilities/