To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

[Meanswell]

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

Shocked by some of the responses here.

OP - your DD absolutely does not have to “be kind”. Her safety is just as important as this boy.

she was rightly frightened at an older, naked teen running towards her. Because he is bigger and stronger than her and he is naked. That represents a danger. It’s a natural, human response.

nobody can know if his intent was sexual. People with autism have sexual urges.

please speak to the mother.

and well done to your DD for acting quickly and decisively and making sure she was in a place of safety, and for telling you.

I went to bed after commenting last night and have now RTFT. And actually, what is coming out loud and clear here is the same old trope that people with disabilities don't have sexual feelings, or even a sexuality. Which is clearly nonsense.

We have no way of knowing if the young man's actions were sexually or sensorily motivated. It doesn't matter, we're talking about the OP's DD, not him. But the sheer number of people who believe that a 16 year old's actions absolutely can't or won't be sexually motivated is astonishing and doesn't paint them as being quite as understanding of disability as they think they are.

"YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing."

I have a 16 year old with non verbal autism.
This situation isn't nothing. It's not ok for either of them.
I don't think the going on from those that are doing it about it being a crime and he needs to learn etc is a helpful response.

It is though a safeguarding issue.

There are some talking about him being a child but he will have sexual feelings just like any other 16 year old. Without malicious intent on his part, harm could happen to others and to himself. He also should be given the dignity in keeping with his age.

No female ever, for any reason, should be expected to tolerate such perversion.

Police now, no excuses.

@Nimbostratus100

You are chatting absolute shit and I suspect you do not work with severely autistic people as claimed
Of course the mother needs to know about her son and the OPs daughter has every right to be distressed

I agree that some of the responses on here are shocking. The situation obviously needs to be handled sensitively, but the behaviour shouldn't just be ignored and accepted.

He needs to be safeguarded for one. Dread to think what would happen if someone less accepting encountered him e.g. group of youths or someone with nefarious intentions. Or even if a police car went by and mum wasn't about to explain the situation, could end up being taken to local police station.

Posters saying he had "no intent". No intent to do what exactly? He ran at her. There was intent there to engage with her in some form, either to talk to her, hug her, scare her or who knows? Your daughter has the right to leave the house without being faced with a naked teenager with an intent to engage with her (whatever that might be).

I would calmly go and let mum know. In a kind way, that this incident happened and your worried mainly for her son. However, your daughter is understandably upset at what happened to her and you want to be sure it won't happen again. The mum will probably be mortified. Perhaps you could ask for her mobile number in case you spot him wandering again?

Difficult situation OP, hopefully it is just a one off.

Take out 'keeps' - OP says he regularly stands outside but there's nothing in her post to suggest that the nudity has been an issue before.

Agreed I have a severely autistic 13 year old clearly people with disabilities do have sexual feelings but my son doesn't have the capacity to understand them ,neither does he have the capacity to understand why it's not appropriate to be naked in public,obviously we don't allow him to stand o outside naked ,and are hypervigilent
Peool!e need to understand,that some people are so cognitively disabled they will never learn why such behaviour is wrong
Not that it makes the situation acceptable.

I'm getting really worried about the very 2 dimensional thinking style which seems so popular right now.

Compassion for other humans does not have to mean pretending reality does not exist. It does not have to mean excusing or condoning actions. It does not have to mean ignoring safeguarding.

As an extreme example, good people work with murderers in prisons. When these prisoners need health care, doctors provide it. This is compassion for another person's humanity. It doesn't mean the prison wardens, cooks, chaplains, doctors think murder is ok, or the murderer didn't do it, or that people don't need to take precautions around a murderer.

"Be kind" is insidious and dangerous and plays right into the patriarchy.

What exactly do you think the police will do when faced with a non verbal teenager with apparent learning difficulties?

Depends. Is he black? Arrest him with excessive violence then charge him with resisting arrest? Is he white working class? Same with a bit less violence? Middle class? Might get lucky there and be treated compassionately. Might not.

Perversion?
Clearly it's not acceptable that a teenager who is severely disabled stands outside his house naked ,but we are not talking about a typical.teen by all.accounts this teen, has little or no capacity to.understand his behaviour as others have said it's a safe guarding issue for All involved .

Most autistic children do not have the same sexual feelings the same way as an everyone else , specially low functioning kids . I say this from experience . The being naked is a sensory thing

Have you any understanding at all.about severe autism🤔

Equally shocked.

No suggestion from OP this has happened before. No suggestion he 'attacked' her daughter. No suggestion the young man was running around naked. Every chance this was the first occasion, mum took him straight back inside, is entirely mortified and doesn't need a neighbour, the police or anyone else telling her it's inappropriate.

IF it was happening numerous times then of course it's a safeguarding issue

In the meantime this mum may need applauding she's contained this for 16 years instead of son being labelled a pervert, a potential rapist or worse

She didn't just see a naked male.... he RAN at her!

What was his intention?
What would have happened if she froze?

He "kind of ran towards her" is not necessarily running AT her.

She was absolutely right to be upset, but there's a kind of Chinese whispers going on in this thread where language is being used by people who weren't there, to up the ante regarding what happened.
We've already had several people who've said that he chased her into the house. He didn't.

Let's at least stick to what the OP told us, rather than making things up.

If she'd stayed and chatted to him (I'm making a random assumption here about what he might have wanted ) then I suspect that OP's dd could have ended up being viewed with suspicion for her interaction with a vulnerable young man.
If he'd run towards a boy the same age or an older male adult would they also be told to be kind or would people understand why they'd leg it so they weren't considered perverts who were taking advantage of his disability?

To make it clear. He stands outside usually in boxers. He was naked, i dont know his intent and nobody would know. However he was naked and if i went outside and saw that i would feel uncomfortable.
He didnt run in the house, my dds words were he sort of ran at me. He is much bigger than her.

He probably didn't want anything ,my severely autistic non verbal son would also.leave the house completely nude given half the chance ,because he doesn't like wearing clothes and he has no understanding that this is inappropriate,obviously we don't allow him to.do that but then half the chance he would .

"mum took him straight back inside, is entirely mortified and doesn't need a neighbour, the police or anyone else telling her it's inappropriate."

The OP doesn't say that the mum took him back in and since he is regularly outside so it is possible that she doesn't know he had been out there naked. So she needs to be given this information.

Yes

dont be ridiculous - how would you possibly know who I have or have not worked with 😂

But neither did she say he stayed outside (probably in a lot of danger) wandered off, ran towards anyone else or any manner of other things. Its all assumption. What I'm saying is there are many unknowns and jumping to conclusions

Overprotective may be not addressing and even excusing worrying behavior to the detriment of those living around him.