Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

533 replies

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:14

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

OP posts:
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 06:46

I'm shocked at these responses if someone did that to one of my daughters autism or not I'd be phoning the police

Dustybarn · 27/03/2023 06:53

When I was a teen (13 or 14) we had a lovely family next door with a son who had some sort of developmental delay (he was about 12 but functioned as a 2 year old). He had his hand permanently down the front of his pants. This would happen when we visited and also every time they went to the shops or out in public. As a 13 year old I understood why he did this and we all just ignored it. Just explain to your daughter that he cannot help it and in the unlikely event that it happens again she must just ignore him and walk away. I’d definitely mention it to his mum so that she can try to prevent it happening again.

Inthedeep · 27/03/2023 06:57

Divorcedalongtime · 27/03/2023 06:42

@Inthedeep but extremely vulnerable people rape and sexually assault also, many on there, myself included, have testified to that.
we can’t keep minimising girls and women’s right to feel safe.

I feel extremely sorry for what you’ve been through and also anyone else who has suffered the same horrendous ordeal. Of course some extremely vulnerable people can carry out hideous crimes, but also many many others won’t. I’m just saying we shouldn’t automatically assume the motive was sexual. It may have been, or just as likely it may not have been. We shouldn’t judge without know the circumstances. I understand how as a young girl the OPs daughter will have found it extremely distressing and I’m not minimalising how horrendous this will have been for her, all I’m saying is without knowing the motive for the nakedness or the reason why he approached her, as the boy has got profound difficulties we shouldn’t be quick to judge his motives. This doesn’t minimalise what the OP’s daughter experienced, it just means people should get the facts before hanging this boy out to dry.

OrangeKnot · 27/03/2023 06:58

@lipstickwoman Why are you so confident as to the motives?! Autism or no he’s a 16 year old maelstrom of hormones.

No, OP, I would not be asking my daughter to just ‘accept’ someone flashing at her.

jeaux90 · 27/03/2023 06:58

WhoWhatWhenWhereWhyHow · 27/03/2023 00:03

I don’t want to start a shitstorm here, but my friend’s son has a severe intellectual disability and as he as grown bigger and stronger he does act out sexually. This situation needs to be addressed.

This.

MattDamon · 27/03/2023 07:04

Report to the police so it's on record. They need to be aware of his behaviour if it continues/escalates. The reasons for his behaviour are not your problem. Let the police deal with it.

Also, reporting it reinforces to your daughter that what happened was not okay and she had every right to be afraid.

If you can afford it, I'd install CCTV outside to record possible future incidents.

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2023 07:04

Mum of an autistic ds here.

No it's not ok.

The law applies to everyone regardless of any disability. They may not prosecute due to understanding but the law doesn't say flashing is ok because you don't understand.

Mum may need more support and the only way she'll get that is by the authorities understanding there is a problem. I expect the parents have been begging for help for ages.

Speak to the mum. Ask her if she needs more support and how you can help her by reporting this incident to the right people.

Beautiful3 · 27/03/2023 07:05

I'd call the police and get it logged. They'll come out and speak to them. I.would.report, it in case it escalates.

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

Beautiful3 · 27/03/2023 07:08

It could be that he likes seeing her.while he's naked. After all.hes gone through puberty and is.a.man. I've worked with disabled young.people.for 8 years. It amazes me when people think of them as non sexual people. That why it needs reporting to the police because autism or not, naked and chasing a female is.not appropriate.

lipstickwoman · 27/03/2023 07:09

OrangeKnot · 27/03/2023 06:58

@lipstickwoman Why are you so confident as to the motives?! Autism or no he’s a 16 year old maelstrom of hormones.

No, OP, I would not be asking my daughter to just ‘accept’ someone flashing at her.

Im just not as confident as most on here that this boy is as much of a threat as a naked 16 year old without autism.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:11

I dont think you should approach your neighbour at all, and if your daughter was genuinely upset, which I find weirdly oversensitive, then 5 minute sympathy, and move on

YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing.

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:11

I can't believe some people are just saying the daughter should ignore it and not feel any discomfort. Autistic or not, it's disturbing behaviour which his mother needs to address.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:14

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

This. In my experience young men with this level of autism are unlikely to even know they are naked

CockPits · 27/03/2023 07:18

lovelychops · 26/03/2023 23:27

No you don't call the police on an autistic non verbal child 🙄

Show quote history

Yes you do in this situation.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 27/03/2023 07:21

As someone with a child with Asperger's I can understand how hard it is. But surely, surely, anyone with sense with a child who wanders off would lock the door?
DS had a habit of trying to wander off so we always had the front door locked.

I sympathise but he was naked and ran at your DD, a vulnerable aged child. The neighbour is lucky you're kind enough not to report to the police. I would suggest contacting social services, for the good of your child and the neighbours DS. He will end up arrested at some point of it's not dealt with.

vickibee · 27/03/2023 07:21

It could be that he has serious sensory iSsues and hates wearing clothes, it is however unacceptable and his mother should be told so she can support him in regulating his behaviour. He may have a social worker who can help as well. Clearly it’s unacceptable

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/03/2023 07:22

a young teenage girl is being “over sensitive” for being afraid when a naked 16 year old boy runs at her?

fuck me this place sometimes

ArcticSkewer · 27/03/2023 07:22

Twiglets1 · 27/03/2023 06:44

She is in her early teens and therefore old enough to understand that this young man was not doing anything malicious or dangerous. I would have a talk with your daughter rather than this young man’s mother tbh. He is only 16 - just a few years older than your own daughter so still a child himself really and one with special needs.

Well that's a confident statement based on absolutely nothing at all.

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:23

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

Maybe op doesn't want to accompany a naked teenager home? I'm sure she's concentrated about the boy too but she has no obligation to look after him.

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:24

Concerned*

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2023 07:26

Autism or not it's a public order offence and needs to be taken seriously.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 07:26

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:11

I dont think you should approach your neighbour at all, and if your daughter was genuinely upset, which I find weirdly oversensitive, then 5 minute sympathy, and move on

YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing.

Oversensitive, how would you feel if a naked man ran at you. Its not just the fact he was naked its the fact he went for her

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2023 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Strongboat · 27/03/2023 07:29

It is important for the son's wellbeing as well as your daughter's that he is kept safe. I would approach his mother from that angle. I hope your daughter is okay, it must have been a big shock to her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread