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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Right… I’ve had enough…

134 replies

Quietlyquitting · 26/03/2023 13:46

… of telling my OH to manage his laundry. I don’t mind doing his laundry, but I just want him to use some common sense.

is it dirty: put it in the laundry basket,

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

do not: leave various garments lying around the bedroom with no FUCKING indication of what stage they are at! I should not have to sniff test his clothes!

I genuinely feel like a broken record. It’s not difficult. The other week there were two T-shirts some pj pants and two pairs of jeans that I folded neatly on the dresser to wear again. He was notified again of the “please just help me with this”

Today - again - He’s been through three changes of clothes and I’ve come upstairs to find the bed covered in clothes - so I’ve quit. I’ve dumped them all the dresser and I’ve decided I don’t care. I’m making no effort to sort/wash them so…AIBU?

yanbu: he’s being a muppet. He can sort his own shite out now

yabu: he’s a bloke - they can be a bit simple

if anyone would like to quietly quit with me feel free to add what your quietly quitting on

Right… I’ve had enough…
OP posts:
amiold · 26/03/2023 16:06

Get a laundry basket. Everything he leaves lying around put it in the basket out of sight.. but don't empty. He will run out of clothes eventually

BellaJuno · 26/03/2023 16:07

SnarkyBag · 26/03/2023 14:14

Not in the basket? Doesn’t get washed.

Totally and utterly this, there’s no way on earth I’d be sniffing someone else’s clothes to decide if they need a wash or not.

AmandaHoldensLips · 26/03/2023 16:15

I don't understand how any adult can assume that their clothes are someone else's responsibility.

YomAsalYomBasal · 26/03/2023 16:17

Stop raising him, he's not your son

cosmiccosmos · 26/03/2023 16:20

Honestly OP you are being a bit ridiculous. The rule is this - if you want it washed put it in the laundry basket. I hoovered my teenagers room the other day (I know he should be doing thus btw), his floor was covered in clothes - I hovered the rug then moved all the clothes onto the rug then hoovered the floor. His dresser has a pike if clean clothes on it.

This doesn't bother me and I will not I pick anyone's clothes off the floor.

It's really simple, you are making a big deal out of it.

123wentaway · 26/03/2023 16:20

Bin bag it all, put in garage/shed. Let him sort it out himself.

cafenoirbiscuit · 26/03/2023 16:26

I’m 2 years ahead of you. I only do my own laundry now. The floordrobe goes into ikea underbed bags so I don’t have to look at it or fall over it in the dark. And DH has run out of underwear before. And had clothes to wear that have dried in the wet washing basket.
im never going back. So liberating 😄

Allmyplantsdie · 26/03/2023 16:30

My ex was like this. Took 4 months to realise the laundry fairy had gone on strike. I had decided by then to LTB and was just trying to get my finances sorted. He thought things were going well because I had stopped ‘nagging him’ about his clothes! Hadn’t realised I’d just decided to stop caring

verdantverdure · 26/03/2023 16:31

cosmiccosmos · 26/03/2023 16:20

Honestly OP you are being a bit ridiculous. The rule is this - if you want it washed put it in the laundry basket. I hoovered my teenagers room the other day (I know he should be doing thus btw), his floor was covered in clothes - I hovered the rug then moved all the clothes onto the rug then hoovered the floor. His dresser has a pike if clean clothes on it.

This doesn't bother me and I will not I pick anyone's clothes off the floor.

It's really simple, you are making a big deal out of it.

I couldn't live like that and I think it is a big deal to expect someone to live like that.

It lets him off the hook doesn't it?

When it's him whose behaviour is the problem.

Bit you think she should just shit up and put up with it?

Gablonz · 26/03/2023 16:32

I had this sort of carry on with my ex until I decided just to ignore it all. If stuff appeared in the laundry basket it was shoved in the washer with my things. But the rest of it just lived on a chair in the bedroom (which did piss me off) but I managed to zone it out after a while.
He eventually did learn that if he just left his clothes festering on the chair at some point he'd have nothing to wear. He attempted to have a go at me about it several times, but again, I just ignored him. Then he wanted me to think of a solution so that clothes which could be worn again could be hung up somewhere. Fucking think of your own solution! Which he eventually did - a hook on the outside of the wardrobe.
The hook is still there: He isn't. I got rid of him

RosyappleA · 26/03/2023 16:34

I hear you OP. Love the basket idea. They don’t learn until they have to. Just do your own and leave his stuff in that basket.

Businessflake · 26/03/2023 16:38

CremeEggThief · 26/03/2023 14:54

WHY has an adult man already been through three changes of clothes this early on a Sunday though?
That's what I want to know! 😆

This is actually pretty easy. I’ve been through three. 1. Some “dirty” clothes for cleaning the bathroom. 2. Running kit. 3. Clean set of clothes post run (noting jeans and sweatshirt have already been worn).

highintheskypurple · 26/03/2023 16:40

I quit my dhs laundry a few years ago, same reasons.
He went on a work trip without enough pants and managed to do washing ever since. Mine and the kids clothes. So easy.

He was moaning about what I'dade for dinner (roast dinner and it was delicious) so i took his plate and threw it straight in the bin. It wasn't my finest moment but it did the job. He does most of the cooking now despite working 50-60 hours weeks while I am a sahm. He's a great cook, very imaginative, always trying new recipes. He even had a look at what it would take to become a professional chef but he's settled with being a home Baker instead. We'd have never known if it wasn't for my tantrum.

The point it is, your dh is capable, like mine was, but why would you do washing if someone is willing to do it for you? Give it a few weeks. Let him run out of clothes and he will start washing his own.

Ladiva1971 · 26/03/2023 16:40

I stopped doing my husbands washing years ago because of this. He only does his washing when he runs out of underwear then cries he has to do about 4 loads!!! and he cant dry so has to go to the laundrette.

HanSB · 26/03/2023 16:42

Does he call you mummy? How disrespectful. I would put all his clothes in a bin bag and he can figure out his own laundry from now on.

GettingThereCharleyBear · 26/03/2023 16:43

@happysingleversary abso-fucking-lutely! Men aren’t stupid - why do so many women fall for this “oh I just don’t understand this complicated housework thing”. 🙄

I do live with a man and have done for nearly 35 years. Only the man I live with seems to have got the memo that housework is something we BOTH do. Consequently both our teenage sons do it too. This stuff isn’t difficult and the longer parents treat their sons like babies until they leave home, the more you’ll see this nonsense.

Does my fucking head in.

TheOrigRights · 26/03/2023 16:45

Your post could have been me writing about my 14 year old son.
How very unattractive in a grown man.

I am very strict with my son and if the situation carries on I will consider myself a poor Mother. I'm not bloody doing it for him and will absolutely not have him leave home thinking it's not his responsibilty.

NeshNamechanger · 26/03/2023 16:46

YouJustDoYou · 26/03/2023 15:52

He's perfectly capable, as are all human adults - he just has a convenient maid to do it.

Yep agree with this.
I stopped doing " family" washing when mine were late teens.
One day I planned to have a quiet relaxing Sat afternoon.
I did the laundry so I thought when DS deposited a mountain ⛰ in the kitchen.
All a mixture of worn and unworn that was dumped on his floor.
That day onwards we all did our own.
Bliss
No sorting either.

We all wait until we have full loads so no waste.
The wierd thing is though the knots other women tie themselves in to tell me I'm wrong .

BrioLover · 26/03/2023 16:48

YANBU.

I am the laundry doer in our house. I wash what is in the basket. Nothing else. If my DS10 with ADHD can manage it, so can any neuro typical man.

ItsMeAgainYesHowDidYouGuess2 · 26/03/2023 16:49

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SalvePuella · 26/03/2023 16:54

I have also had an issue like this, including a giant floordrobe in the corner and a laundry hamper surrounded and mounted by dirty clothes - I.e. clothes anywhere but IN the hamper.

My response: Angry then Grin

I bought a large storage ottoman from Dunelm for £20. Put it in the corner and dumped the entire floordrobe inside, then popped the lid on.

I don't mind doing the laundry, but I refuse to wash anything that hasn't been put in the hamper. All the other stuff gets left where it has been thrown- apart from the day when the cleaners come, when I chuck it all in the ottoman.

DH hates this regime. Apparently I'm incredibly petty. (Why yes! I am!) It hasn't improved his crappy habits, but it does tend to mean he stockpiles his own dirty laundry until he runs out, then ends up doing his own load. Which suits me just fine.

ItsMeAgainYesHowDidYouGuess2 · 26/03/2023 16:55

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Thesharkradar · 26/03/2023 16:55

I genuinely feel like a broken record
you ARE a broken record, blah blah blah.... you're making a rod for your own back, just stop engaging with this person's clothing, it's his problem not yours.
Kick it all into the corners of the room so you cant trip over it and focus on your own laundry, get your own laundry basket, hide it somewhere and just do your own washing

whynotwhatknot · 26/03/2023 16:59

why cant he do his own washing-my dh is able to i even offered but he said he was an adult he can do it himself

FantasticWishesEverywhere · 26/03/2023 16:59

Why are you humiliating yourself by sniffing his clothes and then washing them? Where is your dignity? Where is his sense of decency?

I despair for some women and men out there. Ugh.