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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Right… I’ve had enough…

134 replies

Quietlyquitting · 26/03/2023 13:46

… of telling my OH to manage his laundry. I don’t mind doing his laundry, but I just want him to use some common sense.

is it dirty: put it in the laundry basket,

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

do not: leave various garments lying around the bedroom with no FUCKING indication of what stage they are at! I should not have to sniff test his clothes!

I genuinely feel like a broken record. It’s not difficult. The other week there were two T-shirts some pj pants and two pairs of jeans that I folded neatly on the dresser to wear again. He was notified again of the “please just help me with this”

Today - again - He’s been through three changes of clothes and I’ve come upstairs to find the bed covered in clothes - so I’ve quit. I’ve dumped them all the dresser and I’ve decided I don’t care. I’m making no effort to sort/wash them so…AIBU?

yanbu: he’s being a muppet. He can sort his own shite out now

yabu: he’s a bloke - they can be a bit simple

if anyone would like to quietly quit with me feel free to add what your quietly quitting on

Right… I’ve had enough…
OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/03/2023 14:42

I just keep chucking everything into the washing basket but leave it totally last to wash. Dh panic ran out of things a few times and becuase they were in laundry hamper they became smelly so couldn't be worn. He moaned they had been clean and I was like well they were lying about bedroom. He got better after that

50Pence · 26/03/2023 14:46

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

I once left my DH a note on his chest of drawers that read: "for every clean item of clothing you take out instead of one from the pile, I will kill you"

He stopped doing that fairly quickly

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:46

Hankunamatata · 26/03/2023 14:42

I just keep chucking everything into the washing basket but leave it totally last to wash. Dh panic ran out of things a few times and becuase they were in laundry hamper they became smelly so couldn't be worn. He moaned they had been clean and I was like well they were lying about bedroom. He got better after that

I just dump it all on his side of the bed if it's in the way dirty clean I don't care it shouldn't be on the floor.

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 14:47

50Pence · 26/03/2023 14:46

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

I once left my DH a note on his chest of drawers that read: "for every clean item of clothing you take out instead of one from the pile, I will kill you"

He stopped doing that fairly quickly

Woah you're violent

Longdarkcloud · 26/03/2023 14:49

Up until now there has always been a supply of clean clothing available. Once the supply diminishes sufficiently so their is no choice he may stir himself.
So far there’s been no compelling reason as the good fairy has attended to the laundry.
By the way, don’t have irritating piles of clothing around. Get an attractive laundry basket for the bedroom so it’s all out of your sight and mind.
Good luck

PousseyNotMoira · 26/03/2023 14:52

50Pence · 26/03/2023 14:46

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

I once left my DH a note on his chest of drawers that read: "for every clean item of clothing you take out instead of one from the pile, I will kill you"

He stopped doing that fairly quickly

🤣🤣🤣

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/03/2023 14:52

Just stop doing it. Full stop.

Let him run out of clothes.

Are you his Mummy?

ChrisPPancake · 26/03/2023 14:52

"I shouldn't have to sniff test his clothes". Well quite. You don't 'have to'. You never did 'have to'. Why were you doing it in the first place?

CremeEggThief · 26/03/2023 14:54

WHY has an adult man already been through three changes of clothes this early on a Sunday though?
That's what I want to know! 😆

Buildingthefuture · 26/03/2023 14:54

My DH also has some kind of mental blockage around the washing machine. I have no idea what it is. He is an intelligent, competent, capable man but he just cannot use the washer and despite me trying to teach him for almost 2 decades, has never grasped it. It’s infuriating!!! Having said that he does put his dirty clothes in the basket, he does most of the cooking, more than his fair share of the rest of the household chores (without ever needing to be reminded) and brings me coffee in bed every morning. He also does the dog poo scooping in the garden (my very least favourite job!) So, I don’t mind sticking his washing on with mine.

Traniel · 26/03/2023 14:56

itsgettingweird · 26/03/2023 14:25

Yanbu I'm not wanting to do his washing.

Yabu in dictating to him like he's a child what to do with clothes at certain stages of wear and how to organise his laundry.

Just do your own 🤷‍♀️

This.

GaspingGekko · 26/03/2023 14:56

SnarkyBag · 26/03/2023 14:14

Not in the basket? Doesn’t get washed.

Was going to say this. Why on earth would you be going around picking up clothes and sniffing them? If he wants it washing he puts it in the laundry basket, if it's not in the basket leave him to it.
Stop giving it the head space.

LiftyLift · 26/03/2023 14:59

DH does this as well. I would dump it all on his side of the bed or whatever, but we have a cleaner come in every week and would hate them to have to pick it up, so every single week I have to remind him to pick the clothes up. It is infuriating and you have my sympathies. Thankfully all other household chores and childcare are evenly split.

NotJohnWick · 26/03/2023 14:59

Anything on the floor goes in a bin bag for him to sort himself. I do not believe for one second that men are incapable of sorting washing. I have gay male friends. Their homes and outfits are impeccable despite the absence of vaginas. Soldiers on army bases manage to keep their barracks spotless, their kit clean, boots shiny, without any wimmen to prod them. Men at home who won't sort out their shit are choosing not to.

pigsDOfly · 26/03/2023 15:00

Quietlyquitting · 26/03/2023 13:52

middle aged and very competent - but this just is something he can’t/Won’t get his head round.

which is why I’ve quietly quit. Let’s see if he gets the message now

Show quote history

He won't get his head round it because he sees it as your 'wife work' and beneath his big manly concerns.

All the time you keep picking up his crap and dealing with it, like he's some gigantic toddler, then he'll let you do it and will never 'get his head round it'.

Any clothes not where they should be should be left where he leaves them. As pp said, you're not his mum.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/03/2023 15:00

If he wants it washing he puts it in the laundry basket

Or maybe he could even put it in the washing machine and switch it on...

Honestly, OP, you are your own worst enemy in this. You have been enabling him to get away this and now acting like a martyr.

JUST STOP! Tell him he is responsible for his own dirty pants in future.

Wallywobbles · 26/03/2023 15:00

xPaz · 26/03/2023 13:50

I'm honestly trying to get this message across to my 16 year old son. Everything goes on the floor so I've no idea if it's crying out for a wash or if it's been worn once.

I would cease washing altogether for a grown man who cannot keep his dirty clothes in one pile and clean clothes up off the floor.

You are right, it's not hard.

At 16 he pretty much a grown man. Practice what you preach.

CockPits · 26/03/2023 15:01

I chuck DH’s clothes out of the bedroom window if he leaves them lying around

cassiatwenty · 26/03/2023 15:01

What's written on his shirts, 8 + some text?

cassiatwenty · 26/03/2023 15:02

50Pence · 26/03/2023 14:46

is it in between: fold it and put it on the dresser and wear it again next day rather than KEEP GETTING CLEAN CLOTHES OUT

I once left my DH a note on his chest of drawers that read: "for every clean item of clothing you take out instead of one from the pile, I will kill you"

He stopped doing that fairly quickly

👍😅

Coppergate3 · 26/03/2023 15:02

With my middle-aged and otherwise competent (well in most things) husband who did similar I used to chuck all the discarded clothes in the bottom of his wardrobe (I definitely didn't want to see them out on the dresser or similar).

I told him I was going to do this. He still forgot and had a few weeks of 'have you seen my...' followed by 'argh! it's dirty I want to wear that...'. I just didn't get involved. That was a few years ago now and he is pretty much a reformed character :)

BambiBambi44 · 26/03/2023 15:03

If it’s not in the basket, it doesn’t get washed.
Equally, it’s it’s 2/3 layers that had been taken off together (!) and chucked in said basket, it doesn’t get washed either.
Simple.

Greenolivetrees · 26/03/2023 15:03

If it's not in the basket I don't wash it. If it's on the floor and it irritates me I dump it on his side of the bed.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 26/03/2023 15:04

NotJohnWick · 26/03/2023 14:59

Anything on the floor goes in a bin bag for him to sort himself. I do not believe for one second that men are incapable of sorting washing. I have gay male friends. Their homes and outfits are impeccable despite the absence of vaginas. Soldiers on army bases manage to keep their barracks spotless, their kit clean, boots shiny, without any wimmen to prod them. Men at home who won't sort out their shit are choosing not to.

Absolutely, it’s learned incompetence. And I have no time for the “Of course I’ll do [insert task here], you just need to remind me!” shite either. I’m not carrying your physical OR mental load.

This is why I have no intention of living with anyone else ever again. My mess, my problem. Someone else’s mess…non existent!

FordCreek · 26/03/2023 15:04

YABU for suggesting that men can be a bit simple.

they are perfectly capable of using a washing machine you know. Why the fuck are you even doing his laundry if he can’t even be bothered to put dirty stuff in the laundry bin? Get that time back for yourself, don’t pander to a man child.