To ask what is so great about the uni experience

[MarquessofPembroke]

That I keep hearing mention of on MN.

I'm not talking about the skills gained from studying for a degree but the "uni experience."

And what happens to the 50% of school leavers who don't experience uni.

Both of my dds have gone to uni. One moved away and the other commuted from home, so very different experiences.

The one that moved away has really blossomed, she was lucky to find her people on day one and has had the best time, while becoming more mature, learning to budget, get a job, boyfriend etc. But she was so so lucky with her halls allocation.

The one that stayed home has a job, friends, boyfriend too, but hasn't had the same experience. She's more like a mature student and uni is one small part of her life.

Both positive experiences, both very different. But they'll both have degrees so it's been worth the financial struggle for me.

For me it was Freedom! Moving from a small boring town to a large city. Living in halls with people from all over the world. Meeting amazing friends, learning how to adult with them. Going to lectures, feeling out of my depth but still loving it. Honestly best years of my life!

It's the huge number of other young people, all at the same age and life stage away from home but with (for most of them) a safety net in terms of finances and housing. It's a space to find your tribe, to create, or discover who you are, and get up to all sorts of mad shit. It's an immensely privileged space.

They key difference I notice now is a willingness to move (for better jobs, for other people etc etc). So I know a large number of perfectly capable, intelligent adults who find it truly incomprehensible that DH and I have lived in different places across the UK (so we haven’t even made it abroad, unlike many of my uni friends).

Both of mine went to uni away from home.

Met loads of new people, some of whom have become very close friends.
Learned to budget/shop/cook/do laundry
Just generally grew up, became more mature and independent.

I've got friends whose dc haven't gone to uni (and this may just be the ones I know, so I'm not saying all those who haven't gone away are the same!) but their parents still cook for them every night, do their washing etc. They work, but all the adult stuff still gets done for them by their parents.

Freedom, independence, fantastic friendships and the best laughs and crazy times.

My eldest was bereft when he finished and is really envious of his brother who’s in his 2nd year.

One of my DDs went away for university. But Covid really wrecked the whole “experience”. There was only her first year that operated normally. Her second and third years were a disaster, with everything cancelled or online and not allowed to meet. Like all her house mates, she came home for months at some point - while still having to pay full rent in her university accommodation.

It was 3 years of pure fun. Living with friends, and going out but also learning to be independent and finding your own way in the world.

Uni for me was a huge positive turning point in terms of my mental health, understanding who I was and who I wanted to be. Being thrown into an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people made me step out of my comfort zone, I made friends for life and had HUGE amounts of fun. The importance of having fun at that age shouldn’t be underestimated!! It’s not like I can do that many hobbies etc now when I’m in full time work. I also built loads of skills outside of my degree - I volunteered in my community and build charity projects from the ground up because I had the time to do it and help from the university. Honestly the focus on cramming them straight into work now upsets me. We’ve got our whole lives to work and be miserable haven’t we?

All the things mentioned above.

Also, people are working for so long these days (67+) that to go straight into it at 17/18 just seems too much.

I don't necessarily think it has to be uni though. A good college whilst living away from home, a gap year etc. Just anything fun and different to bridge the gap a bit between childhood (at home with parents and no responsibilities) and adulthood (working every day for the next however many years).

I do think so many people going to actual university isn't a good thing.

It used to be for those academically minded or whatever. Now it seems to be just "the done thing" and people getting in huge amounts of debt for Mickey Mouse degrees that are of not much use.

It's a good transition step towards independence from your family. It's exciting being in a new place (especially if you're a non-city dweller at uni in a city). It is a unique time in your life because of the social opportunities- being surrounded by thousands of people your own age, fantastic range of clubs and societies, social events, meeting people from very different backgrounds from you etc.

I have a nice life now, but my university days were just amazing. One long round of fun, punctuated by just enough study to get a 2:1. I know not everybody loves it, but surely the reasons why many people do are pretty obvious?

Being away from family and meeting a wide range of people. Learning about something i was passionate about
I went late seventies, and I still consider them.the best 3 years of my life.

For me it was complete freedom with limited responsibility - I was living by myself and able to manage my own time and budget, but was in halls so didn’t need to worry about paying rent/bills etc.

Plus I met a load of new people with very similar taste in music to me, so uni coincided with a very active period in my social life. But it also carried on post-uni, so that wasn’t unique to being at college.

You can't imagine? You go from living in your parents house to a life of freedom, living with people your own age, doing exactly what you want, when you want, lots of partying, lots of sex and often forming life long bonds with people. It's fun!! It's a transition stage between being a kid and being an adult saddled with all the boring responsibilities of work, mortgage, kids etc.

I didn't go until I was 22, after leaving home at 16. So I was already out in the world, working, fully independent, cooking and cleaning and budgeting - in other words, I had the life skills down pat but quite often it was scary, and drudgy and tough. I had no safety net.

Uni was like a whole other world. It was SO much fun, there were people to help you, there was a whole tribe to get lost in, it was scaffolded and safe.

I don't regret doing it in the order I did it, because I was so much more grateful for the privilege than a lot of my cohort, and I think squeezed every inch of fun out of it. But the 'experience' is amazing.

I loved Uni, as above, for me it was a really fun time between being a child at home and moving on to proper adulthood. I enjoyed the academic side of it but more importantly I made great friends, had some great experiences and met my husband.

Thanks for replies. I think I'm stunned by the accommodation viewed on recent offer holder days. I was thinking: Really? You expect me to pay that much for this??!! I'd rather put it towards a house deposit for DC.

The importance of having fun at that age shouldn’t be underestimated!!

But at what cost? DC seems to be having plenty of fun since they turned 18!

One of the best times of my life. I grew up in a small village and had quite a sheltered childhood. I went to uni in a big city and it totally opened up my world. I had freedom, learnt independence, how to look after myself, met people from all over the country and world, and had SO MUCH FUN! It’s a great transition between childhood and adulthood - independence but in a safe environment and with support if needed. The degree at the end of it was just an added bonus to me haha!
As others have said - my friends who went to uni mostly all lived independently from their parents from that point on, moved to different cities and abroad for job opportunities, have travelled the world. My friends who continued living at home at age 18 (whether they attended a local uni or went straight to work) all stayed living with their parents until their mid twenties, had everything done for them by their parents, rarely move more than 10 miles from the village we grew up in and have rarely travelled or seen the world. Not saying that’s the same for everyone, just my experience with my friends.

Learned to budget/shop/cook/do laundry
Just generally grew up, became more mature and independent

So when do the 50% who don't have the uni experience learn that?

My degree is from a consistently top 5 university for my subject, but even still I haven't just walked into a high earning job. I make a living and I definitely think people are impressed by my degree at job interviews etc, but I'm hardly set for life based solely on the degree.

So yes, it was mainly the experience I went for. I'd probably be better off financially if I'd stayed at home and got a job at 18!

For me, the experience included a year studying abroad in a major European city. I made lots of friends and I met my now DH when we were in first year. It also means I now have friends from all over the world, whereas if I'd stayed at home, I would have had a less diverse group of friends.

But actually, the total immersion in a subject I loved was more beneficial to me than any of the social aspects. I loved my degree, and being able to just study full time, mainly just out of interest, is such a luxury. I will never get to do that again.

That said, I would not go to university "for the experience" these days if I'm honest. The fees are too high. I went when it was £3k or so per year and rent was a few hundred quid a month (that was considered really expensive for student accommodation then too as I was in a city where rent is high).

I would only go now I think if I wanted to do something like medicine.

New people, new places, new ideas and intellectual challenges. Lots to learn both in class and outside class. There’s a club or society for almost everything and you don’t just have to do things focused on your subject - for example, if you’re studying physics you can join the philosophy society, the theatre society and the rugby club and meet loads of people who aren’t on your course while exploring completely new challenges. I loved my subject but I also loved all the extra-curricular stuff. That was 30 years ago and it’s the same for my DD now.

It's a really rare opportunity to explore who you are and what you want to be without being hampered by the responsibilities of keeping a household going, surrounded by other people going through the same thing with lots of time to discuss ideas and life. A time to step off the treadmill and take stock. I wish we could all do it once a decade (if we wanted).

I see no one has addressed OPs second point - if going away to uni is so great, why don't we encourage all 18 year olds to move out and live with a group of other 18 year olds?

They obviously do it eventually……… but not until they move out from their parents home.

I didn’t go to uni. Left home at 17 whilst doing A levels. Worked and paid my own way from 16. Bought first house at 19. Studied alongside working and was a senior manager by 25. In director level roles since mid-30s. Mortgage will be paid off long before my 50th birthday.

Was at a conference this weekend staying in uni halls. Absolutely hideous. No regrets whatsoever.