To ask what is so great about the uni experience

[MarquessofPembroke]

That I keep hearing mention of on MN.

I'm not talking about the skills gained from studying for a degree but the "uni experience."

And what happens to the 50% of school leavers who don't experience uni.

It made more sense in a time when you would be moving out in your early twenties regardless. It was a gentle transition in the right direction. Nowadays, many people of that age are living at home so if you live in a city with a lot of good universities then you could save yourself the eye watering accommodation costs and tell them to commute.

University offers the opportunity to reinvent yourself.
As someone who was bullied horrendously and deemed a 'minger' university gave me the opportunity to meet a partner without people constantly harassing us about how ugly and disgusting I am.
I'm really average by the way so meeting someone was no problem once I moved away from those pricks. Ditto college. Moving on from small mindedness is so freeing.

For the actual bullies they're not as motivated to move on. All the ones in my town married eachother, had affairs with eachother and got fat and minging. I don't follow them around nightclubs informing them of that though.

This!

I think the descriptions we are reading here are more descriptive of university 10+ years ago. Back then uni was fun and a space to grow with limited worry. It feels like it's less the case nowadays. For a start, there is the pressure or huge debt over one's head but also everyone wants firsts nowadays so more academic pressure than we were under.
Of course uni can still be a great experience nowadays but I do think there are more obstacles in the way.

Absolutely. When it works, it can be a magical time. I really feel for those like my DS who are having to live at home through uni, it's really not the same. Your interactions with your cohort are entirely different, because you're not thrown together to be independent, you walk away after lessons. Of course you can meet new friends but it's only in the same scheme of meeting new friends via work, not getting to know them thoroughly in accomodation and having little adventures together all the time. I would recommend to anyone going to uni to seize the opportunity to live in a big city, you don't have to stay there after but it's such an experience that you will never have again.

Making the best of accommodation that’s not as nice as your family home can also be educational, IMO.

If your DC are in a partying 'rut', they might meet some people who have a bit more to them. The capitalist world view is you become a wage slave and work hard in a miserable way for years until you get on enough to crush people under you for profit. University is one of the last areas of British life that suggests an alternative - generally better for happiness even if not necessarily income level nowadays. If they go for a lower income more fulfilling job after then they pay less back.

Being able to have some independence and privacy from my parents

Trying out new things/sports/activities at low cost

Meeting a huge range of people - ranging from a minor aristocrat to folk from very working class backgrounds

Living in Edinburgh

For me it was meeting people from all over the country/world.

You only have to read some of the threads on here to see how many people met their best friends/husbands, got their jobs etc through people they met at uni.

I also loved studying something I was so interested in and being taught by people who’ve been all over the world finding new species, digging up real dinosaur bones, working in Chernobyl etc and hearing these stories first hand.

I went as a mature student so didn’t live in halls or get as much ‘fun’.

But I think a young person finally having freedom away from home and being with their friends everyday with very little rules sounds amazing.

They’re also given freedom but with structure.
So they can go out and have fun and learn to cook, clean, pay bills etc but in a structured way.
I moved out as a teen and I definitely had to learn the hard way.

Moving from a rural small town full of white people to a multi cultural city . ( I’m mixed race and was always the ‘black ‘ girl !)
Made friends with so many nationalities , sexualities. I partied hard in the most amazing city for 5 years and did things I wouldn’t even dare say . I opened my mind , got a degree and had so much fun. Now im
a respectful wife and mother but am so grateful I had those 5 years . I can not imagine walking into an apprenticeship ! I needed to explore my mind, sexuality ,
the world . I am not trying to be dramatic but the things I saw - the different circles I met - not just uni people but locals - it opened my mind !!!!!! I loved it. Would want the same for my Children if they wanted to go to uni ! Xxx

I think uni forces young people to leave the 'safety' of their parents home.

For me I went to uni as a mature student many years ago but I also left home at age of 16/17 and lived in shared accommodation which was a room in a house full of other young working people so had to fend for myself. I therefore think it's the actual moving out that is the catalyst.

Agree, add in the worry of being 'cancelled' and ostracised if your opinion doesn't fall in line with the majority and the experience becomes much less about exploring ideas/who you are, and more about fitting in/keeping your head down while you get through the academic stuff. Social media also reduces the opportunity to fully 'leave behind' your school years, something others in the thread have mentioned being a positive part of uni for them. The university experience now vs 10 or 20 years ago is incomparable IMO.

I didn't have the proper uni experience because I didn't go until I was 35 and a mother of two - but for those who go to uni away from home it is an excellent transitional phase where they can learn to be independent while still being able to go home and for first years in halls -and others in student accommodation, they have a little support in that wifi, washing machines, communal areas etc. are available so they aren't going straight from home into a bedsit somewhere. As @MarquessofPembroke says - they learn to be independent. Budgeting, laundry and cooking is all part of that. Yes - you can learn to be independent at home but from the number of posts on here either from parents whose children aren't pulling their weight, or from "children" who seem to expect their parents to look after them, it seems that a lot don't.

For me, it was moving to a different city, meeting new and different people, not being made to feel weird because I enjoyed learning. I got a scholarship to go to college in the US for a semester too, which was amazing.
And I met DH there too, which was an added bonus.

Parties. Alcohol. Sex.

The forced move away - so you can’t just stay hanging out with people you are really only friends with because you were put on the same table in reception, you have to work out how to make new friends from scratch with little in common with, yet it’s easier because everyone else is also open to making new friends.

the having to grow up and learn to cope with cooking/shopping/budgeting/finding your way round a new city and transport system, but within a framework of support from uni student services.

being exposed to people who live differently to you and being on equal footing with the people you live with - if you live in your parents house, it’s your parent house, it’s not your house and even if rented, unlikely you will have equal say about the way things are run /who does what.

Critical thinking skills. Learning to rise above the rabble and consider alternatives or reasons for actions
Not thinking ones whole life needs to be dominated my the number of likes received
Making friends and colleagues upon whom you can mutually rely on and benefit from
Learning, and then creating your own opinions instead of parroting those of your parents/family/peer group
Outside the box thinking
Resilience
Learning to be assertive/confident enough not to have to ask 'a set of total strangers, aibu' !

Getting a 1500 maintence loan each term and knowing you need to budget is much harder than it sounds for many ! Knowing you can go out every single night when you have £80 a week to live off !! How many people blew their weeks allowance on wine ! It’s a learning curve as you have life feeedom and control and no family judging you and no work to go to ( possible a little part time )

Its very different than working full time and living at home and budgeting. You pay for everything . Shower gel , milk, washing powder . Etc
it’s not just giving mum 200’pcm towards bills ! Seriously. The temptations and freedom ! You learn a lot more in my opinion .

On your questions about what the 50% who don't go to university do - I suspect that there is more variability there than there is in the university experience.

Two main variables - parents and affordability of moving out.

My parents were very socially conservative and I would not have been able to date or drink alcohol if I hadn't gone to university and my ability to socialise would have been constrained too. Obviously if the parents are more permissive, it would be a different thing. Some parents continue to baby their adult children so they don't really develop independence, some don't.

If it's unaffordable to move out for years and years - either because of the cost of the area or because of earning power of the young person - that will obviously make a difference.. if they can move out fairly quickly, that's very different.

I think the majority of young adults benefit from university if they have the grades to go, to be honest.

My DS isin this first year (living away in Halls) and it has been the making of him. He was sociable and outgoing before but Covid didn't give him the Sixth form college experience he could have had. He's definitely making up for it now though!

However as well as the (many) nights out, he's budgeting, food shoppjng and cooking for himself and they're bloody good meals too! Doing his own cleaning/laundry and has sorted out next year's accommodation for him and 5 friends. He's like a different person - he comes home and is knows so much more about 'life' but will always be my baby 😊

My sister is worried about how they wil cope financially if their son goes to uni . Also she is understandably worried snout debts for him.
She is encouraging an apprenticeship or for him to live at home and go to a local university! In my head I feel very sorry for her son as I desperately believe he would thrive living away in a vibrant city with new friends . I think it would be incredible.
the thought of him living in his bedroom for the next 4 years and staying stuck in a small town - if this isn’t really his choice - makes me feel so sad for him.

I wanted my dc to see that there is 'more'. That this isn't all there is and that there are different people living different lives who think and do different things. We live in the suburbs so there is not much going on.

Last night after her lecture finished she went to Berlin. She would never have just popped to Berlin before. Shes already noticed that she is living a more interesting life than her friends who have stayed here. At Christmas when they went out they sat on the wet and cold grass and watched the boys play football in the dark.

It opens up so many possibilities and opportunities, things they wouldn't experience or even necessarily know about if they didn't go.

Living independently, wild nights out without coming home to a house with parents in it, studying and socialising with people they wouldn't otherwise cross paths with, clubs and societies to try things they'd never try otherwise, opportunities to attend events or study abroad, exposure to ideas beyond those of their family and schoolfriends.

For some people at 18 uni isn't right as they won't be wanting to study. being in the armed forces can be a good equivalent and others traveling can widen their experience (but can be lonely). The codependency with parents brought on by reducing maintenance loans for wealthier people is quite a challenge to civilised society