To ask what is so great about the uni experience

[MarquessofPembroke]

That I keep hearing mention of on MN.

I'm not talking about the skills gained from studying for a degree but the "uni experience."

And what happens to the 50% of school leavers who don't experience uni.

I think you have to throw yourself into it fully to have the ‘uni experience’. I didn’t stay in halls and wasn’t that far away from home so ended up going back to my home comforts whenever I wanted them. I missed the dog and my cat. It would get to a Friday and I just couldn’t convince myself to stay there all weekend 🙈 I went to halls a few times for pre drinks etc with people and I remember being in one where the dirty plates were piled like higher than I’ve ever seen plates piled before, one of the girls were wearing tights that must have had about 8 holes in them and I’ve never ever thought this about anyone’s carpet before but it needed hoovered so badly, it was literally thick with dirt. I was just sitting there feeling like a snob but I know there’s no way I could ever live like that 😬

Nothing

It wasn't for me. I didn't find my crowd (something that shocked me, as I've always made friends super-easily), so spent all of first year, and some of second year horrendously homesick and lonely. In first year I tagged along with all the nights out, meals out etc, but without a special friend to be with, I was still lonely.
In second year I met a girl through choir, and we became very friendly, and that gave me someone to hang out with, and I had a much better time from then on. Nearly 20 years later, we're still very close and facetime most weeks.

So when do the 50% who don't have the uni experience learn that?

Well I don't know, I guess if mum and dad carry on doing stuff for them not until they leave home eventually! My nephew in his early 20's does bugger all domestically at home, spends all his money on going out/on holiday, and has no savings/plans to leave home.

thanks for thread, OP. It's been eye-opening to me.
DH (English) & I (foreign) are both middle aged, went to Uni. Little of our experiences matches the 'benefits' people list here. DS2 (1st year at an RG Uni) is also getting only a few of these 'benefits'. At least I understand better why MNrs are so keen about "going away to Uni", though.

Other paths: DS1 joined military at 17. Now keen on cooking, his car, house-buying plans.

I loved it so much I did it 3 times and would happily go back for a PhD if I could afford it.

I liked the learning bit all 3 times, and the first two times (pre kids) all the extra curricular stuff like joining societies, speaking at conferences, living with like minded people in halls/flatshares and always having someone to socialise with.

I met lots of good friends (still friends with some of them now) in my first week and DH towards the end of first year.

For me it broadened my horizons. I was from a small town and just wasn't used to mixing with people from such different backgrounds and interests.

The academic experience itself included a lot of discussion and research which opened my mind to different opinions.

Socially I had to learn to live with people that I wouldn't ordinarily have chosen to mix with and how to deal with different ways of doing things. I made my closest friends during my time at I university Being a long way from home made me more independent than if I'd stayed in my home town. I studied abroad for a year too, which was the absolute making of me.

It's not for everyone. My brother didn't cope well at all (undiagnosed ASD) but for me it was a fantastic experience.

I don’t particularly recognise most of what many call the uni experience - socialising and getting drunk.

But what I used University for was the chance to move - get clear across the country, out of a dead end local-yokel region, away from exploitative parents. It was, in the old days, fucking brilliant for that and just about the only way poor kids could do it. It’s not the opportunity it used to be, with no grants and housing costs. I think Caroline Flint said the same thing.

Actually @OneCup I suspect you're probably right. Plus current students aren't really the MN demographic. OP is right too in that student accommodation has changed so much. We were just in a scummy flat (then after that in actually quite a nice one which we held onto for 3 years) and had to learn to get on with neighbours and behave properly - we really didn't have that many parties, lots of our cohort lived in tenements and had to do things like clean the stairs etc.

As for 'the other 50%' - well again I'm showing my age here, but they left home, got jobs and moved into flats with other people. It was vanishingly rare to see 30 year olds still at home saving for deposits back when I were a lass. But they had to balance the life skill stuff with showing up for work in the morning. Me, slightly less so.

For me, my world exploded - I met and studied with people from across the globe, learned that people had different views to people who went through a convent grammar school education which had been the sum total of my experience until I went to uni, experienced new types of food, made fast friends I still have to this day, had some banging arguments about whose turn it was to take the bins out, and grew up a lot. It was great fun, and I also learned a lot about myself. Because of uni I’m not afraid to live in new places, apply for jobs I’m not convinced I’m qualified for, and be more tolerant and embracing of difference.

I think of this at times as well OP but from seeing replies I think I get it now.

I was looking from my viewpoint (living in a happy home in a London Borough with all that it brings) but I note that for some it was a chance to leave their small village or Town and I get that

Also, regards the learning to cook, budget etc , I never got a handle on that (though whether I would have at Uni or not I will never know) to this Day really

Good question OP and I have liked reading the replies.

3 of my cousins done Uni (2 still studying) and were the first in the family on that (Maternal) side to do so. The one who has graduated has a good career and between him and his girlfriend they have managed to rent a London flat (with a little help from both sets of parents re deposit).

It’s a period of time to really enjoy being a young adult, with all that that entails. It’s a time when it’s easy to make friendships, because you’re seeing other people having broadly the same kinds of experiences as you, regularly, in a semi-structured way (so you’re seeing other people on your course at lectures, seminars, in the same section of the library, and you’re seeing the people you’re in halls with whenever you’re both in the shared spaces). I think those factors make it easy to make friends, both casual friends to see at house parties etc and much more deep friendships, with people who you might stay friends with for life.

I know you asked about stuff other than the academic side but I think the academic side is part of the uni experience in a way that can’t be kind of cordoned off. It’s a way to much deeper into your subject, follow your own interests within it to some extent, and generally be allowed to take a much more adult approach to the topic than was possible at school. To have three or four years to really dig into something you’re interested in is so much fun. I think you get that feeling more if you’re doing the classic “uni experience” - ie full time, in halls for first year, away from your parents - because the university feels much more immersive when it’s approached in that way.

Sorry

2nd Cousins. My cousins all done college, as did I.

Plus, to be totally honest, I was not bright enough academically, and doubt my 1 O level would have got me in anyway :)

I went straight to college after leaving sixth form as had no chance of taking A Levels as only got the 1 O level at a B.

The independence socially, academically and personally - what you do and learn and how and who you spend time with us down to you! Also fun and friends. You

Did you get student discounts for places like pubs, restaurants etc ?
Did the Uni have a subsidised bar?

Not a query really, at all, just wondered.

I regret the university I went to, but I don't regret the experience. I think I finally 'grew up' when I left home.

I think university is only worthwhile if your doing a degree that is going to get you a relevant job at the end. The cost these days means it isn’t worth it just for the uni experience. There is a lot of value in degree apprenticeships and this is something I would absolutely encourage all teenagers to consider, if this is a route they can take for their chosen career.

My eldest ds went to Uni and really enjoyed it although completely disrupted by covid. I wouldn't say he has made any lasting friends there though and is currently living at home. He is in a job related to his degree but it's poorly paid, niche area and he has to put in 80+ hours a week which is ridiculous. I'm not sure he will pursue this area of work long term. DS2 did an apprenticeship instead and whilst he feels he has missed out on the Uni experience, he is doing well, just coming to the end of the apprenticeship and taken on full time on 25k at aged 22. It was a good move for him. Ds3 is in first year at Uni, does not seem to be enjoying it much and I worry he will get a job at the end of it. DD hoping to take a gap year after A'levels and needs to do a degree for her chosen career. She can't wait to go.

It's also the great leveller where you come from and the type of education you received becomes irrelevant.

You are there on your own merit, as a woman in a professional career having the degree has been invaluable

My very reserved (at school) son has come on leaps and bounds since being at Uni. He’s made lots of friends, has a lovely gf and has learnt how to live with a messy bunch of guys - he can be very pernickety about things and it’s good for him to not live in a sanitised bubble. His uni experience seems to be everything it’s meant to be. I just hope he gets a decent job at the end of it as it’s a lot of student loan accumulating,

I did an "academic" degree and went into teaching (after a couple more degrees). I loved exploring the subject, and it was the reason I needed to move away from a very small and inward-looking community. Also had fun, and made friends for life.

DD is doing a vocational/creative degree. It will probably be the only time in her life when she is surrounded by people are as passionate as her about her subject. She has found better friends than ever before, and regardless of career, is spending formative years with wonderful people in a stunning city.

I am sure that it's not right for everyone, and also that those who don't go can make similar friendships and learn about life-skills. But uni makes it simpler.

I think the degree apprenticeships are good however you don't get the mix of people on your course and often it's online.

A friend if my DC is leaving his course as it's so lonely

It was a huge difference for me (coming from a small village). I made friends with all my flatmates which helped.

I would imagine if you lived in a city already and were extroverted and confident, going to uni probably doesn’t make much difference.

I think you make a good point about degree apprenticeships not having the same level of mixing as ‘going to uni’ does but perhaps that also depends on the employer and the training provider. Some good , some bad.