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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wanting me to pay legal fees

167 replies

msbees · 25/03/2023 10:12

I primarily live in SF, CA (am British, but lived here for years). My friend lost her job and is convinced she's got a shot a filing a lawsuit and suing for wrongful termination. I don't know the ins and outs of the case because we've only exchanged a few texts on the matter. She is looking at hiring lawyers and as is common knowledge, Americans love litigation. However, she asked me over text if I could 'donate' to her legal costs. I asked what her costs would be and how much she had to hand anyway. She quoted $20k - and said that she had only $15k to her name. She said her own money (the $15k) would be next to nothing soon enough due to loss of health insurance and her general outgoings (healthcare is not like it is the UK in regards to insurance costs). So she really asking for $20k - but that's just to engage the lawyer/draft up a case. When I asked for more information about the actual case, she didn't go into much detail at all and just ranted about her hatred of the CEO and his dodgy behaviour. She did say she would shed more light on it when she had more time. So I said ok (to talking about it another time). She then left it at the same question (would I be willing to pay for the costs).

She knows I can 'afford it' due to my previous company sale being public information, yet I can't help but feel uneasy about it. I also think it's my British nature to be more reserved about money, whereas Americans are a lot more open about it. Also, when a company is sold, most of the money goes to paying shareholders etc... so what she might have seen online is nowhere near close to what we each have. (Each being management team).

I'm only too happy to get more details about the case, but she sounds incredibly angry at her previous employer and is out for blood. I can't help but think it is a waste of money, but that's only going off what little information I have.

Legal costs have a way of quickly rising into the 0000's. I don't think she has thought this through... or frankly cares. AIBU to say no, even before hearing her out at a later date?

OP posts:
Saschka · 26/03/2023 19:27

Honestly it doesn’t matter what she wants the money for. She wants you to gift her $20k. That should be an immediate “no”, and you don’t need to beat around the bush and give explanations, any more than you do with that homeless guy outside the 7’11.

Gh12345 · 26/03/2023 19:50

Absolutely not!

Foxface21 · 26/03/2023 20:31

If you have £20k to hand over without the need for the money to be repaid, then go ahead. I think we’d all love to give our friends money if they really needed it.

But if I’m the real world you want that money back, then just don’t. It sounds like you’re not convinced by your friends case either so I’m just seeing so many ‘red flags’ here.

If she’s a real friend then she’ll not be offended if you say no and she’ll fight this case herself.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 26/03/2023 20:41

‘I’m not in a position to donate to your legal fees, but good luck’

Napmum · 26/03/2023 20:44

No, never. Your money was earned by managing the company well. I wouldn't want to take a gamble on if this paid off and it sounds like you are unsure of her chances.

BTMadmummy · 26/03/2023 21:01

My father always said ‘never a borrower nor a lender be’ and I think it was great advice

DadBodAlready · 26/03/2023 21:18

Unless its no win no fee, don't go there. Unless she has documented proof of grievances filed with HR, its unlikely she has a leg to stand on. You working in the US, are no doubt familiar with how easy it is to hire and fire, with the law being very much on the side of the corporates. It sounds like she is just bitter and after her pound of flesh.

bumblebeees · 26/03/2023 21:35

Don't trust her

Bleachmycloths · 27/03/2023 04:11

She has made a very unreasonable request asking for a ‘donation.’ You say she seems ‘out for blood.’ She hates the CEO. Sounds like they could have had just grounds for firing her.

user1492757084 · 27/03/2023 05:01

No. Do not pay her legal fees.
Ask her to look for a lawyer who will represent her in a no win no pay arrangement.

Otherwise, she'll need to take out a loan.

justsoembarrassing · 27/03/2023 06:30

Just tell her that you have a policy of not mixing business with pleasure so can't help.

Then just stick to that!

1ittlegreen · 27/03/2023 07:52

You've already agreed to hear her out instead of saying 'No I won't do that' from the start.

Tiani4 · 27/03/2023 09:47

Yanbu

Just because you have money from sale of a company, it doesn't mean anyone but you have a right to that money!! It's irrelevant.

You don't need to hear her out,
It's really nothing to do with you

As you're British, go for the response of "No Thankyou"
It's a polite No which you can just keep repeating

"I don't wish to discuss it further, my answer is No Thankyou"

Then block her or simply not reply to any further texts or calls on the matter

She can't make you discuss it ans you can say you don't wish to be involved, it's her matter between her and her ex employer which has nothing to do with you.

Bubbles90 · 27/03/2023 18:52

A friend wouldn't have asked you for money. Just say no.

pollymere · 27/03/2023 20:12

When I needed an employment lawyer, it was on a no win no fee basis. They basically bet on you losing so if you lose the costs are covered. If you win, the costs are covered by the other side anyway. It actually only took one letter and cost very little. Definitely don't donate though. It sounds really dodgy.

a1poshpaws · 27/03/2023 21:57

Don't even consider it.

I borrowed £1k from a friend with every expectation of paying it back within a few months. 5 years later I still want and intend to repay the loan, but as my circumstances changed dramatically, it's still looking very out of reach until my old home is sold and heaven knows when that'll be - next week, next year?

I've been extremely lucky as it hasn't damaged our friendship but the guilt I feel is baaaad. And although my friend always says "just whenever, don't worry about it" when I try to apologise and reassure her I'm serious about paying it back I bet she wishes she'd just said at the time that she was sorry but she already had it earmarked for something she herself needed.

Also, as previous posters have said, unless the USA doesn't have no win - no fee lawyers, then one of those should be her first step. If they turn her down, you can bet your cotton socks they don't think she's got a hope, and they're the ones with the experience.

Thethuthinang · 27/03/2023 22:17

Lawyer here. She should be able to get a lawyer to work for her on a contingency fee basis, so she only pays if she wins. There's something odd going on.

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