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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wanting me to pay legal fees

167 replies

msbees · 25/03/2023 10:12

I primarily live in SF, CA (am British, but lived here for years). My friend lost her job and is convinced she's got a shot a filing a lawsuit and suing for wrongful termination. I don't know the ins and outs of the case because we've only exchanged a few texts on the matter. She is looking at hiring lawyers and as is common knowledge, Americans love litigation. However, she asked me over text if I could 'donate' to her legal costs. I asked what her costs would be and how much she had to hand anyway. She quoted $20k - and said that she had only $15k to her name. She said her own money (the $15k) would be next to nothing soon enough due to loss of health insurance and her general outgoings (healthcare is not like it is the UK in regards to insurance costs). So she really asking for $20k - but that's just to engage the lawyer/draft up a case. When I asked for more information about the actual case, she didn't go into much detail at all and just ranted about her hatred of the CEO and his dodgy behaviour. She did say she would shed more light on it when she had more time. So I said ok (to talking about it another time). She then left it at the same question (would I be willing to pay for the costs).

She knows I can 'afford it' due to my previous company sale being public information, yet I can't help but feel uneasy about it. I also think it's my British nature to be more reserved about money, whereas Americans are a lot more open about it. Also, when a company is sold, most of the money goes to paying shareholders etc... so what she might have seen online is nowhere near close to what we each have. (Each being management team).

I'm only too happy to get more details about the case, but she sounds incredibly angry at her previous employer and is out for blood. I can't help but think it is a waste of money, but that's only going off what little information I have.

Legal costs have a way of quickly rising into the 0000's. I don't think she has thought this through... or frankly cares. AIBU to say no, even before hearing her out at a later date?

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 25/03/2023 13:06

SofaSpuds · 25/03/2023 10:28

She's asking you to donate, meaning give without any expectation of getting it back, even if she wins her lawsuit?
I don't know what the chances are, but there's no way in a million years I'd agree to that. It's highly likely the legal fees will just keep going up and up, are you then responsible for it ad infinitum?

If she has a strong case can't she get a no win/ no fee lawyer?

This.

Step back quickly from this, and don't mince your words - give her no room for manoeuvre. Just say "No".

LakeTiticaca · 25/03/2023 13:16

No absolutely not!! You never know what may happen in the future and you need that money yourself

Riapia · 25/03/2023 13:22

Is there an acceptable way to say “you must be fucking joking in CA”

VivX · 25/03/2023 13:25

This "friendship" was over as soon as she asked for $20k.
"At will" = almost zero rights.
You may as well just say an outright "no" now and get it over with, otherwise you're just prolonging the agony unnecessarily.

BluetheBear · 25/03/2023 13:25

Just because you have the means to pay doesn't mean you should. Just say no. If she wants a loan she should go to a bank. What if she loses and is ordered to pay their legal f

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/03/2023 13:27

Just because someone is angry about being fired, doesn't mean they necessarily have a case

Precisely

Nothing wrong with getting advice as to whether there's a case, but engaging expensive lawyers just to "put the frighteners on" is madness - though not as mad as the idea of you funding it

ChickenDhansak82 · 25/03/2023 13:31

@msbees I think your friend needs to focus on finding a new job!

If she keeps bringing it up then perhaps say you are happy to lend her the money (not donate) and it needs paying back within 2 months of the court case regardless of whether she wins or loses.

Personally it would be a NO from me. Lending money ends friendships.

Crumpleton · 25/03/2023 13:45

Not read the replies so apologies if repeating...

However, she asked me over text if I could 'donate' to her legal costs.

By asking you to donate I assume they aren't going to pay you back.

Marcipex · 25/03/2023 13:50

Don’t part with a penny.
I can’t believe you need to ask.
She’s not your friend.

MrsSquirrel · 25/03/2023 13:51

Carlycat · 25/03/2023 12:42

Nope
She's a cheeky fucker of the highest order. And certainly not your friend

^ This person is not your friend.

YouOKHun · 25/03/2023 13:53

Her judgement of what’s appropriate makes me wonder if she is similarly inappropriate in other areas of her life and her being fired was absolutely justified. You’d be crazy to let her throw away $20k of your money to have that confirmed.

When you deliver your hard “no” message you will likely be unpopular and become one of the group of people she rants about, but had you given $20k without doubt she’d be back for more and you’d be the bad guy whatever. Better to be unpopular and keep your money. I’d be distancing myself from a friend who sees me as a cashpoint.

Morningcoffeeview · 25/03/2023 13:53

I’d be concerned she is just trying to extort money from you, because she knows you have some. The use of the word “donate” also suggests she doesn’t view this as something she needs to pay back.

JocelynBurnell · 25/03/2023 14:00

Just because someone is angry about being fired, doesn't mean they necessarily have a case

No.

Also, if you do fund her, it is also possible that you could one day become the target of similar anger. This will be on the day that you tell her that you will no longer be able to continue funding her

AstroPete · 25/03/2023 14:00

Nope. Any amount of money that you gave her (and chalked up to a loss) would open the floodgates to many more requests.

Polarbearyfairy · 25/03/2023 14:00

I cannot imagine why you would even entertain this! Decline and move on. If she doesn't want to be friends anymore you'll have done yourself a favour.

Beautiful3 · 25/03/2023 14:11

No, don't go there.

WigglyWaggly · 25/03/2023 14:22

The fact that the OP was unsure what to do explains why the ‘friend’ asked her for the money. 99% of people would say no and not give it a moments thought.

Snapdragonsoup · 25/03/2023 14:27

I would be very wary. £20k is unlikely to cover the cost and if she loses she would likely have the other side’s costs to pay too. Agreeing to fund her costs could leave you exposed to pursuit of costs against you from the employer if she loses and has no money to pay their costs. You dont know anything about how realistic her claim is. You could suggest she checks if she has legal cover on her home insurance or through a professional body or union membership. Tell her your money is all tied up in commitments/long term investments and you arent as rich as she thinks you are.

Zilla1 · 25/03/2023 14:53

If she has a strong case then there may be second or third party funding available, with risk-reward experience. If not then a good indication about the likelihood of success.

It's a shame that since you last spoke, all your available funding has become tied up in your new venture, subject to a NDA by the VCs/angels...

rookiemere · 25/03/2023 14:59

I wouldn't be making up reasons why you couldn't fund her tbh. I'd go down the simply No route.

Wonnle · 25/03/2023 15:06

And you need to ask if this is a good idea ?

Crumpleton · 25/03/2023 15:22

rookiemere · 25/03/2023 14:59

I wouldn't be making up reasons why you couldn't fund her tbh. I'd go down the simply No route.

This....

Just put an end to any conversation referring to the subject.
By you asking for more details it may make her think you're willing to give her the money.

Think about what the total cost could be if they do start legal proceedings again the old work company and it snowballs from there, it could be hundreds of thousands of dollars.

If you do go ahead how much would you be prepared to give away?

Original poster
msbees · 25/03/2023 16:01

rookiemere · 25/03/2023 14:59

I wouldn't be making up reasons why you couldn't fund her tbh. I'd go down the simply No route.

This was indeed my exact question. I think my OP has been misunderstood. My actual question in the OP was (I quote) "AIBU to say no, even before hearing her out at a later date?"

I was happy to hear her out to see if she actually had a leg to stand on (as I've hired and fired people before), but not to offer any money.

As I said in my OP - and posts following - she just seems to be very angry more than anything else (at her former employers) which makes me not want to listen to someone (who is acting irrationally). So even in listening (which I still think would be a moot point/waste of time) I don't think I'd get any further insight into how I could help. Again, I mean in ways other than financial. For example, she asked which law firm I used (when running the previous company) and I was only too happy to tell her/point her in the right direction.

I also think she'd only really want to (truly) divulge further if I said 'yes' to offering her money - and that's already a no. I'd rather just say no than listen to her gripes about 'Sally the screechy COO' or 'John the creepy CFO'.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 25/03/2023 16:14

I think it’s better to make it clear up front that you won’t be giving her money than to encourage her to talk with her thinking there’s a chance at the end that you will be helping her fund it.

You could try something like “Sorry, I’m not comfortable funding a law suit. But I’m happy to listen and, if you want it, offer my insight from [your company].” And then, if you feel comfortable doing so and know anyone, offer her contacts to try and find another job (which is what she probably needs more than money for a law suit). It’s tough looking for work right now, I can understand why she’s panicking.

Crumpleton · 25/03/2023 16:16

My actual question in the OP was (I quote) "AIBU to say no, even before hearing her out at a later date?"

No you are definitely NBU...