To think that adults are much less resilient than they used to be

[louease]

First of all I'll admit that I'm on the older side of 60 so the weight of my belt onion could be effecting my judgement on this.

I see a lot on social media including here where people say they are upset at words they read on a screen, that they've been triggered, or that it should have a warning attached.

Are we making the world harder to live in by trying to make it too comfortable do you think?

Oh, I'm only 39 and CRINGE at all the 'trigger warnings' and all the people whining about being 'trolled' and 'targeted' when all that's happened is that someone else disagreed with them or something.

Another thing that bemuses me is the high number of people who seriously seem to think that their 'neurodiversity' means that everyone else needs to tiptoe around them and excuse rudeness and unreliability in their parts, whether in work, online or in personal settings - I see it a lot here, for instance.

There are a lot of truly awful people out there, there's a lot of nasty things that could happen and are happening right now, and life is often unbearably cruel and unfair. Resilience is key to actually managing to navigate life successfully.

(Btw, I am writing as a survivor of parental abuse and abandonment, terrible school bullying, three abusive relationships and heartbreaking personal losses - I had a breakdown in my late 20s as a result of unaddressed CPTSD. If I hadn't developed resilience and stoicism, and addressed my problems, I'd be in serious trouble now.)

According to the office of national statistics, "Relative to the size of the population, the suicide rate in England and Wales has declined by 28% since 1981" so I would say that adults appear to be MORE resilient than they used to be,

Suicide rates have gone down in all age ranges, suggesting that the change is down to fewer challenges and better medical approaches than it is to generational attitudes and resilience.

Using the strike through doesn't alter how that post comes across.

I am writing as a survivor of parental abuse and abandonment, terrible school bullying, three abusive relationships and heartbreaking personal losses - I had a breakdown in my late 20s as a result of unaddressed CPTSD. If I hadn't developed resilience and stoicism, and addressed my problems, I'd be in serious trouble now.)

But a lot of the people complaining about a lack of resilience would have said you weren't showing any when you had your breakdown.

Also, I don't think 39 is the age these people tend to be complaining about.

@Mirabai Indeed, because there are no more armies or wars nowadays. Maybe you could start one.

Ouch!!

(But absolutely correct.)

Yes, I'm sure they would.

I learnt resilience afterwards.

8 pages and has anyone suggested we bring back National Service yet, or did I miss it?

@Plock fat bashing full house lol!! Ironically my Grandad joined up well before Ww2 because he was starving & homeless- the Army offered 3 proper meals a day for the first time in his life... he wanted to get fatter!!

@Mirabai I don't think drinking yourself to oblivion then driving is a healthy way of dealing with war related ptsd.
Plus it all came back to haunt him when he got dementia (probably partly due to killling off lots of brain cells with alcohol) because the war nightmares & regrets came back with a vengeance sadly.

Telling young people they need protecting from everything, shoving trigger warnings on books, words, talks, is not helpful or healthy. The references to safe spaces at universities and other places because people may have heard some words they don’t like is just infantilising.

And the people who think it’s a good idea, do show the evidence and how these attitudes are helping because all the data says the opposite.

Actually before the 'ww2 ex soldier' generation started to pass away I did care for a lot of that generation who were soldiers or even refugees from during ww2 & old age was definitely when the ptsd kicked in - especially if the person had dementia or delirium.

Harsh but true. 😂

I'm sorry for what you went through, so I say this with the greatest respect - but parental abuse and abandonment, school bullying and abusive relationships are exactly the sorts of things that tend to get called out these days for what they are - unacceptable. It's possible that these things wouldn't have happened to you if you were a young person nowadays, and that's a good thing surely?

I’m also north of 60, OP, and have been dealing with some experience of MH issues, both myself, a close family member and a friend.
I recently realised that adults have not been resilient in the past: on re-reading some older books (Rebecca, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Love for Lydia, for example) I’ve noticed that all of the plots include references to mental health of the characters more or less, and that madness was a favourite theme back when they were written, as I’m sure it still is, today.
I think that today, most people are more empathetic than they were “back in the day” and less likely (as discussed in another recent thread on here) to just say “mustn’t grumble” or, indeed, tell others to “pull yourself together” - I much prefer the nicer approach…

But these people would have criticised you for being in the process of learning it.

That's the point.

I'm not sure it's even a good thing to frame trauma like what you've experienced in terms of whether or not the victim learned resilience and castigating them if not.

Resilience isn't even an easy thing to define.

Do you think it's possible that part of the problem here is your misunderstanding of what is actually happening on the ground? For example, Manchester uni have set up "safe spaces" but they are not just rooms where students can go for a quiet lie down to recover after overhearing a lecturer accidentally mis-gendering someone or whatever it is you think these spaces are for. It's more about keeping students safe in all regards, E.g. when walking home late at night - here's the link btw www.staffnet.manchester.ac.uk/sep/news-events/display/?id=26999

Surely you’re a good example of resilience, @ExpatInSlavikLand . You experienced a crisis, faced it, and got through it.

Lack of resilience would be experiencing problems/a crisis and not facing them or expecting other people to somehow “fix” your life for you, wouldn’t it?

There’s enough MN threads written by desperate partners /family members who are dealing with this behavior.

Same here 😂
I'm 61 and quite honestly although my life is much easier as I've paid off my mortgage and have reached the pinnacle of my career and DS has grown up and left home I think life is awful for youngsters now and they have much more to deal with than we did.
They can't afford a home, they have to pay for their degree, child care is astronomical - they haven't got half the life I had when I was younger.
Its right to be "woke", the sexism and other shit I had to put up with in the 80's at work was awful, homophobia was rife, discrimination against people of colour was worse than it is now. I'm glad the next generation is not putting up with it.
I remember trying to buy a sofa in 1983 and the shop assistant (a man) told me I'd need my husbands signature - needless to say I told him to stick his sofa where the sun doesn't shine.
Apparently if women bought big ticket items without their husband's consent the husbands might make them return the item 🙄It's hard to believe that kind of thing used to happen.

@Theluggage15 but who is literally telling young people that they need to be protected from literally everything? It's not happening in the way you're framing it to make your point, is it? No one I know is doing that. Not one young person I know is being told that.

I don't know about any data either way but would be interested to read if you could share (not being sarcastic)?

I agree. You epitomise resilience @AnybodyAnywhere.

And if people are using "well, just look at the threads on Mumsnet!" as a way of proving their points, then...yikes, that's not really the persuasive debating tool you think it is...

@LadyWindermeresOnlyFans Eh?

@HamBone some PP are saying that threads on MN are evidence of a society-wide failure in personal responsibility & resilience. Rather than a very small window into a certain demographic who are mainly posting about stuff that's not currently going well in their individual lives.

Is this not you not being able to cope with other peoples views and experiences though? It's clearly got your back up that people aren't just suffering stoically. Maybe because you had to?

I’m guessing your comment’s directed at me, but I genuinely don’t understand the point you’re making. Could you clarify? Thx.