To think that adults are much less resilient than they used to be

[louease]

First of all I'll admit that I'm on the older side of 60 so the weight of my belt onion could be effecting my judgement on this.

I see a lot on social media including here where people say they are upset at words they read on a screen, that they've been triggered, or that it should have a warning attached.

Are we making the world harder to live in by trying to make it too comfortable do you think?

This. I think we’re still on a learning curve as to how to look after ourselves in the midst of the constant barrage of news and disasters.

@louease as you’re older, you didn’t grow up in the age of the internet and information overload. You’re therefore probably naturally ingrained in a slower way of living than Millennials and younger generations? I’m guessing you’ve not been sucked into smart phone/internet addiction etc and navigating how to use social media in a healthy way? Because when your mind was developing, those things simply weren’t available.

This is why parents bang on about limiting screen time and TV etc nowadays because we’re recognising that it’s not healthy to live exposed to so much of other people’s stuff all the time. We have to focus on our own stuff, what’s within our control, and keep some excess capacity for when life events hit us individually (like the natural course of events - death of a parent, illness etc). And learn how to manage our desire to show empathy and help others - we can’t give away too much of ourselves

I think it is just a learning curve and if you view it as a big picture, society has gone through technology overload, we’re at that point of saying ‘omg I can’t handle this pace’ and we’re learning how to reign it in. That’s all. No big drama, and you don’t need to shame younger generations for going through that learning curve - it would be nice to have the older generations’ support and wisdom as we figure it out (I’m speaking as an older millennial).

I see so many memes shared by clueless people about how much better it was in the 1950s when living conditions were poorer and life expectancy was lower. There were far fewer opportunities available to normal people. We'd eat lard and tripe and we'd be routinely beaten by our husbands. And you definitely didn't want to be black or gay! Sounds great! Fire up another meme!

// Definitely agree with these sentiments

At the same time I think many people could do with a bit f balance slightly in the opposite direction.

I work with younger people (I'm 40+ and they are probably 30 and under) who are unable to do things like make a phone call as they can't cope with talking to people and the unplanned aspect. They are upset to hear opinions which differ to theirs and regularly feel unsafe if they have to.

Normal daily life often has low level stressful moments and actually I think exposure to these even if it's initially with support is healthy. It's how we learn coping mechanisms, how our brain creates new pathways of "I've cooed with something like this and I'll cope with this too" type of thing

My 30 year old stepdaughter says exactly the same thing @louease. It’s definitely not an age related view.

I don't think they are as physically tough. Much more worried about how others judge them and put themselves first more. Sometimes that's good sometimes not so much.

Weaponised offense and cancel culture are definitely toxic

At the same time, there have always been people who haven't been 'resilient', and they were just left to suffer.

Like one of my dad's childhood friends - dropped out of Oxford, became isolated and committed suicide alone in a bedsit. No help or support, just swept under the rug.

The young people I know IRL are all quite fantastic, really, compared to how I remember my peers and myself at their ages. But the world is a big place so I couldn't speak conclusively of course. But I do wonder if maybe older people are spending a bit too much time on the Internet, believing everything they read is a direct mirror? How much time do we spend with real life younger people, versus how much time we spend reading reading about the "w0Ke" scare?

Anyway, YADNBU for the belt onion reference. That's outstanding, OP.

Gosh, I wonder if our boomer parents fucked up in their parenting choices? And think bigotry should be accepted

It’s not a well thought out opinion though.

A lot of it seems to be lack of common sense for the simplest things. For example, I've read more than once on mn over the years 'Am I pregnant?' Little to no other information. How the heck are we supposed to know you haven't said if you have symptoms, just do a pregnancy test ffs.
So many things on here are trival and a waste of time asking.

No, people aren’t less resilient than they used to be. We have a greater awareness of things that affect mental health and broader access to information and ideas. I’m pretty sure non-resilient people have always existed.

Isn’t it? What evidence do you have for that?

Well sadly I think there’s no nicotine, alcohol and diazepam available to self medicate with like previous generations did. We can’t drink drive like we used to. People are left with their emotions. The world demands more of us and online life is less satisfying in the end although it gives a short term buzz. I think there’s less incidental exercise going on- people feel less good. Sleep has been hindered and mobile phones make us less resilient to wait. So yeah I think we are less resilient but it’s circumstantial rather than a personality flaw

I just hate the terminology today as it seems so OTT and negative...I mean 'making people feel unsafe' or 'triggering' or 'safe spaces' are all very alarmist negative words that implies that the person feeling them needs to hide/run away, whereas before it would have been 'outside your comfort zone' or 'challenging opinion' which to me are more positive and you would want to overcome/deal with.

Amen to this. Why do I have to create a Development Plan?
It used to be that your manager/employee would be responsible for your training, now it seems to be largely DIY. Similarly when I started work your manager wrote your appraisal. Now you have to do it yourself and it's like re-applying for your job every year. What have you done and how have you done it? FFS.
I think the world of work is a lot harder and more competitive than it was.

Not sure I understand this, there is still nicotine, alcohol, drugs and the like and if you really want to you can drink drive. I can't see how any of this is any different to 40 years ago...in fact I would say getting drugs has probably never been easier.

Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.

feel free to replace “men” with “people “

I believe post war up to 80s is first line, late 80s 90s initial 2000s is second line.

We are now at the last line

It seems that you’ve been triggered by people saying they’ve been triggered. Certainly bothered enough to post about it.

Perhaps you need to improve your resilience?

I think it is not that there is a greater lack of resilience, but resilience is no longer celebrated as a good thing, with lack of resilience being something to regret. So many people celebrate their lack of resilience as what makes them special.

There is one thing to accept that some people have problems with a lack of resilience and to accept and help them - another to fawn over them because of this lack.

I agree that the approach of speaking about feelings, openness and accepting flaws and differences has not created a generation of strong individuals (Millenials, GenY).

But I remind myself that maybe I just can’t see their strength - if they live lives they deem happier and more fulfilling (even if I deem them narrower and more limited as a result of the narratives they have about safe spaces and self care) then power to them.

I think people mistake lack of resilience as other things such as not liking abruptness and knowing they need to ask for help.

The people I know thsg class themselves as resilient and tell people thsg they’re resilient, Aldo call others snowflakes. The truth is, they’re just arseholes who like being rude and treating others like shot from what I can see.

So many spelling mistakes. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think some of the changes society has made are excellent. I like that (albeit slowly) we are trying to improve understanding MH and that we are more aware of issues relating to SEN, the menopause as a few examples, BUT what has come along with this is the idea that if you’re offended that everyone around you should change. That it can for some people, eradicate responsibility. I know of several instances so maybe just unfortunate, where it’s ok for someone to suffer sexual harassment because the person initiating has autism or it’s ok to be late for work every shift by hours and no one can say anything because the person suffers MH. Now all these things should absolutely be considered and reasonable adjustments made but does it mean overriding someones
feeling of safety? As for triggers, that will always be challenging, in the whole world there will always be someone triggered or offended but it’s the idea that if you’ve offended someone or triggered them it makes you an awful person when sometimes you’re not aware of a situation or you disagree and as long as this is done respectfully that’s ok!! We don’t seem to be able to accept this though and that is worrying.

I think the epidemic of loneliness, the erosion of local communities and the destabilizing effect of internet technologies chips away at resilience on a population level.

We are being encouraged to ruminate over our identity, our feelings, our failings, our narrative as our own hero. It's the end game for late capitalism as spin ourselves into desirable consumables. But this endless introspection is bad for us.