AIBU getting frustrated with adults self diagnosing with ADHD?

[Ags888]

To start I'll explain why I'm probably taking it too personally - I'm 90% certain my dad and my brother have undiagnosed ADHD - My dad is kind of a wreck in personal life, but his work is extremely restrictive and there's no chance for distractions so he's surviving, plus my mum is an angel. My brother is not able to complete any tasks, cannot hold any job, but also is quite spoiled and isn't really trying. I know it's genetic and in the past I thought about it in myself - I failed a lot in my early life, but from about age 25 I learnt that if I adjust/restrict my life I am able to achieve things. I never thought about using it as an excuse, rather feel embarrased that it took me 25 years to figure out how to discipline myself.

In last 1-2 years I noticed a lot of women in both my and my partner's circles, in their 30thies, bring up that they think they have ADHD, or are in a process of getting a diagnosis. some time ago I was at a dinner where all 3 women present were talking about their ADHD struggles as starting a lot of projects and not finishing any, or uncontrollabyly spending. I felt uncomfortable and felt like saying "isn't it like that for everyone? finishing projects and budgeting is not easy, just something you need to learn" but I didn't want to be impolite.

Some of them openly say that getting the diagnosis will translate to benefits at work/other responsibilities, or getting PIP.

I have one friend who got diagnosed recently, but in her case I believe it's legit, she cannot hold a job, gets hyperfocused on thing's she's interested in but everyday life is a struggle. Most important she is pushing herself to improve but is still struggling.

For all the rest the idea of ADHD diagnosis feels like it came out of nowhere. granted, not everyone me or my partner have known for 10-20 years, but good chunk. Those women are having careers/jobs, not wrecking their lives with debt, they have friends/relationships, they are not unrealible to the point people just abandon them (Like my brother or friend)

Is it just mine circles that have this sudden surge in ADHD talks? I do't use social media much but I think I saw a lot of it there too. It frustrates me because it feels like it's taking away from the life wrecking experiences of people I know.

I understand it's most likely a spectrum, and not everyone's struggles are visible, but I'm baffled with how almost every woman I know claims it.

YABU. Surely you are doing the same as them?

Unless you're an expert on ADHD diagnosis I don't think you can diagnose or undiagnose anyone to be honest. Also surely, like everything, there is a spectrum of impairment?

YABU to think that your family members' possible undiagnosed ADHD is relevant to whether your friends should pursue a diagnosis.

YANBU to think that some people talk about ADHD when they're really talking about the human condition and that's annoying. It reminds me of people calling themselves OCD when they really just mean "I like things clean and tidy".

I just sounds like you don't like your friends.

I think awareness is important. I think I have it, and right now I have no intention of starting the long process of getting diagnosed.

In my case, awareness has made me completely overhaul HOW I do things both at work and at home, and how I organise my life. My productivity has shot up and I'm happier. I take some supplements which may or may not be helping but I take them anyway.

I think with 'awareness' comes the danger of people jumping on the bandwagon to get perks or allowances made, which isn't fair on anyone. In my case, it's a personal adaptation and I had never considered ADHD before about a year ago. Your friends sound like they want a label to make excuses for themselves. I'm not sure they'd get PIP unless it was seriously debilitating so I wouldn't worry about that!

YABU, as you said it is a spectrum, their personal speculation and consequently being diagnosed or not does not affect you.

Of course YANBU. It's absolutely fine for you to self-diagnose (sorry, 90% self-diagnose) yourself and others, but anyone else who does it is a right twat. Totally reasonable.

I agree with you OP, the diagnosis is being diluted down to meaninglessness

ADHD is a serious disability, not a minor inconvenience, as faced by everybody and overcome with a bot of self discipline

YABU. I'm 36, I have a career and a daughter, I have a 'normal' life and I'm currently going through the process of ADHD and ASD diagnosis. This was a shock to me, a huge shock, something I never considered. So my diagnosis has 'come out of nowhere'....
That said, there's a of people who through a round terms like ADHD and ASD wildly without any diagnosis or knowledge which is annoying and wrong.

Hang on, you have self-diagnosed yourself and your family, but you are annoyed at other people self-diagnosing themselves? Have I got that right?

But you've '90% self diagnosed' that your dad and brother have it so surely you're doing the same thing as those you're complaining about?

i had a chat with a colleague who works in an ADHD diagnosistic service about this recently. She says referrals have gone nuts to the point where it’s about 5 years for an assessment.

They are now heavily triaging all referrals, the women you describe and possibly yourself, who are ‘high functioning’ and can hold down jobs/relationships etc would not get accepted on to the wait list now.

They are looking for things like lifelong mental health/psychosocial difficulties, prison sentences, secondary mental health care etc.

She also said the NHS won’t prescribe meds for people who got a diagnosis privately, they have to pay shit loads for privately prescribed meds, they have lots of difficult conversations around this apparently.

Am aware this could be just my local Trust though.

You mean some people have internally and or externally struggled for years or even decades, seek assessment for a diagnosis so they can gain access to medications and specialist therapy/tools that are designed to help them so they can use coping strategies to enhance their lives.

Tik tok has everyone convinced they are diagnosable with something eh

Sometimes I really agree about some people jumping on the bandwagon about time like this (but I guess like PP said with higher awareness you do always have that downside).
But this post is really strange.
Purely because OP is self diagnosing her family but complaining about other people doing the same thing 🤣

You’ e done the same??? You’ e ‘diagnosed’.
sonYABU.

This reminds me of the #ActuallyAutistic hashtag on Twitter. Which is full of people who have self-diagnosed themselves using free internet questionnaires and now spend their time berating the parents of autistic children and "NTs" for not taking them seriously.

I agree OP. I have a friend who read and read about ADHD for a few years, then went to see a psychiatrist with all the symptoms she'd read about and decided she has, and he agree to diagnose her (it's really not that hard as an adult to get a diagnosis of whatever you want if you pay privately - to diagnose a MH prob literally involves ticking off symptoms and is all based on self report). This person is now diagnosing everyone else including friends and family. It seems to be a fad at the moment I'm a few circles and it drives me nuts because this person and others we know with ADHD diagnosis or self diagnosed, are using it as an excuse for everything

I think there is a lot of unqualified or self diagnosis these days, but you have literally just done that yourself!

Eh ? So it's fine for you to self diagnose your family. But other people are not allowed to self diagnose 🙄 YABU.

Exactly. And telling those of us it's not a disability just a difference.

That's exactly how I read it

YABU OP. You're berating other people for doing what you have done. You're a hypocrite.

Why are you going through the diagnosis process?

If life is normal why are you bothering with a diagnosis?

How did it come as a shock?

This.

It seems that everyone is on the spectrum now, to the point that it has lost all meaning.