To not be over what happened to me during covid/lockdowns

[ifyougochasingrabbits]

Just a few of the things I went through

Losing my cleaning business i had built up over years overnight due to everyone cancelling us

Being humiliated by the headteacher at DC school shouting at me in front of other parents because I refused to wear a mask outside . My little girl being made to start school late and finish late because I was unable to wear a mask to collect her (school run was all outside I may add and I had no problem wearing masks in shops etc but I drew the line at in the fresh air outside)

watching thousands of pounds of income disappear at an alarming rate. while wondering if we’d still have jobs and be able to keep the house we’d worked our arses off for for years to buy. Going through six months of trauma with H furloughed and depressed because his work could not guarantee he'd still have a job at the end of it. He was on half pay as furlough was only paid up to about 30k salary iirc and if you were on more it was employers discretion to pay the full salary which his work didn't. He was even applying for jobs at supermarkets and delivery driving etc and getting no where despite having a high level job at a major house builder.

Watching selfish morons stockpiling at the very beginning

“Friends” dumping me, one Cos I dared voice out loud that I wasn’t personally scared of covid and was struggling with restrictions and did not agree with them.

Having to deal with the fact that many of my (remaining) friends had views I completely don’t agree with and accepting they probably feel same about me.
And having to cope with the fact they supported restrictions that were destroying our lives and mental health

Having my business absolutely trashed all over social media and being called a dirty bitch and worse by local people. Fake bad reviews etc. The “reason” was they took exception to me saying on a local page post that I didn't believe in masks in school (this was due to my kids really struggling with them) My 14 year old said he agreed and some of them then found him on fb and messaged him insulted his looks and called him stupid and a fucking moron etc. This was actual grown adults.

a random person inboxed me on Facebook due to seeing my business ad and threatened to "smash my face in" because she thinks i was “endangering lives” by working

My neighbour reporting us to the police for having an illegal gathering. This "illegal gathering" was me, my H and our 3 dc having a bbq in the garden. Needless to say we all live together

Being put on medication for panic attacks and anxiety in fact I minimised it to the gp. I was actually suicidal and the only reason I am still here is because of my kids and the fact my husband and parents had the same views as me. But I would secretly hope to die in my sleep and almost every day I would wake up and cry because I was still here.

Watching my 3 Kids completely fall apart due to schools being closed. While not only having to deal with seeing posts all over fb about how well other kids were doing and coping doing all their work, managing great. And knowing some people I care about actually wanted schools shut. One of my kids is still very unwell mentally and it all started with lockdowns

Oh and to add final insult to injury, in November 2021 I had to pay £5700 (which was part credit card and part all of our savings) privately for an operation that should have been freely available on the nhs. But cos covid they could not give me a date and I was getting more and more poorly and could not wait.

I am still angry and maybe I should get over it. But I can't. And There's probably more but these are the stand out moments. I'm doing okay now and I have a new business and I'm doing well, H has a new job as he could not trust his old place after covid. but I've been very low again recently with the anniversary of it all

As a healthy female with no co- morbidities, I wouldn’t have had the vaccines if I didn’t work for the NHS.
I think the uptake in the under 50s of the general population was only so high because people wanted to go on holiday.

I think it would've been hard to do it that early because of what the scientists advising the government were saying at that point. Cheltenham was 10th to 13th March that year. Jenny Harries was saying on the 11th that she didn't think large gatherings would have a big effect and that what we were doing at the time was following the science. Graham Medley similarly, and SAGE weren't calling for lockdown. Ferguson's modelling with the massive death tolls was the 16th of March, which changed things.

In terms of it being shorter if we'd started sooner, do you think it's because people would've been less receptive to it going on that long? Because the end of restrictions in England didn't track at all with cases, we kept them well beyond the point when deaths had dropped and the first wave hadn't overwhelmed the NHS.

There was a chorus of people saying "close down" parents were voting with their feet and not taking kids to school.

I think it would have been a shorter lockdown because we would have gone into the lockdown with lower numbers so say at the start of that weekend 5000 (just a made up number) people had the virus and by the time we closed down 10000 people had it we would have got down to a low enough level to end lockdown a lot sooner.

Just to add where I am the numbers went up in July/August, I suppose because lockdown ended.

People were reducing contacts and some parents kept kids off, but that really escalated after the period you're talking about.

I looked back at the dates of other European national lockdowns. Italy was 9th March, France 16th, Spain 15th, Germany did it bit by bit from 13th to 22nd, Ireland 27th March having closed schools on the 12th. While I think lockdown in England was politically inevitable by the time it happened, I don't see how it could practically have happened more than a few days before it did. Maybe a week. The Ferguson modelling on Monday the 16th was a real turning point.

In terms of a shorter lockdown, we kept restrictions well past the point that case numbers had dropped. We didn't stay restricted into June 2020 because of covid rates: that's not what the decision was based on. The late start date can't be the explanation, because case numbers as a whole aren't.

Sorry my very reasonable alternative to a long lockdown bored you. And you have no response…

For a double graduate 🙄 your posts really don’t make any sense.

How am I deflecting by directly answering your question? And what about my post is ignorant? I mean it’s very easy (and lazy) to throw insults around without backing them up. You really are not coming across very well at all here.

Ah I see that bizarre response was deleted. Thanks to whoever reported! I won’t engage in the future with this poster.

People would have been less receptive
(to an earlier lockdown)

I agree; a successful lockdown requires majority compliance. I think an earlier lockdown would have been met with too much resistance and non compliance without the projected death figures.

I pretty much avoided chat forums during the pandemic due to the levels of anger and hate flying in all directions.

Many people angry about a natural disaster and determined to blame anyone and everyone; entitled elderly people, their next door neighbour, the Chinese, some random on mumsnet. So much ignorance and misinformation, comparisons to living in a dictatorship, people struggling with their mental health labelled as weak and selfish, links to “scientific papers” which were non credible garbage whilst telling anyone who’d listen that you weren’t a Sheep.

I often saw the phrase “it’s because of people like you that we’re still in lockdown”
whilst launching a verbal assault on an anonymous poster online.

A footnote on the bottom of covid strap lines would have been helpful:
”Respect your mental health, stay off talk forums during this time”

I saw it before it got deleted. It is odd that anyone affects not to understand the concept of accepting the initial lockdown but believing it should've been shorter. Obviously people don't have to agree with either part of the argument, but it's neither an unusual nor complicated view.

They could easily have cancelled big gatherings like Cheltenham. I believe cases in the area spiked so it did cause an issue. Weren't number of infections doubling every 2 or 3 days in March 2020? Starting a week earlier would obviously have made a difference. The FA set an example by cancelling football matches that weekend, so why do you think they announced that during the Cheltenham Festival? There was lots of pressure to stop big gatherings even if you don't remember it.

Yes parents were keeping kids off, two of my kids are teachers so I know that for a fact.

I still think lockdown would have ended sooner, if they were waiting for numbers to be lower than you think was necessary we would have reached that number sooner, probably much sooner.

The main thing is I think they got that wrong but it is over, I don't get why people are harbouring anger about it, we had no idea at the time how bad it would get, looking at Italy wasn't exactly encouraging was it.

Yes, thank you that was my point. One argument is that the long lengthy lockdowns were necessary and saved Iives and were therefore worth any harms. I listened and acknowledged that was the opposing argument and then presented the other view- that perhaps the lockdown went on too long and caused many harms that we are only just realising.

So strange that I was accused of deflecting, being ignorant, thick and whatever other delightful insults got thrown my way.

Anyway, moving on!

I am only kicking myself for being stupid enough to engage in the thread.

The self-righteousness stinks.

I agree that the festival could've been voluntarily cancelled by organisers, ie not the government, but we weren't going to get restrictions that early in March. The government weren't going to do it when the advice the likes of Jenny Harries were saying they were following the science in not cancelling.

In terms of when the lockdown finished, I still don't really get what you mean here. Do you have a number of cases in mind? It's hard to see how you make that argument fit with the undoubted fact that restriction lifting wasn't based on case numbers.

So do you know what it was based on? I think it is reasonable to assume that the figures got to a low level, govt decided to give it a week or two extra to make sure it was staying low and then ending lockdown. Do you really think if it had got to the same level a month earlier they would have still delayed the end of lockdown and if you do what do you base that on because it doesn't seem logical to me.

The rewriting of history is interesting isn't it. The calls to cancel Cheltenham had been going on for days before it started. I think the FA shamed the govt into doing something they hadn't got the guts to do themselves but now we hear it was too early and it wouldn't have happened but of course it could have happened. I'm no football fan but the FA did play an important part in making the lockdown happen in my opinion.

Let’s face it, mistakes were made.
Decisions were informed not only by the projected trajectory of a novel virus but on advice of social scientists who needed to ensure timing of lockdowns garnered maximum compliance from the general public

Its a bit like that old covid joke: why does Debbie on Facebook know more about containing a virus than an elite team of WHO microbiologists

Most of your reasons are very valid however the one where you said your daughter was humiliated as she was dropped off/picked up early/late because you refused to wear a mask outside is unacceptable. I will be honest and day I'm not a huge Covid fearer HOWEVER I would do anything to avoid humiliation for my child. Especially if it was a case of throwing on a mask for 5 minutes - you lost my sympathy for that

I thought that was an odd hill to die on too @Hellohellohello1 particularly with a dd in tow.

Im guessing that irrationality was in part due to the severe anxiety and panic attacks op later sought help for?

@SmileyClare the link to deprivation and non-compliance with lockdown regulations/vaccination is pretty well established.

However it goes beyond simply level of education; essentially it is a matter of practicality and not psychology as is stated here https://blogs.bmj.com/bmj/2021/01/07/pandemic-fatigue-how-adherence-to-covid-19-regulations-has-been-misrepresented-and-why-it-matters/

“the most deprived were six times more likely to leave home and three times less likely to self-isolate, but that they had the same motivation as the most affluent to do so. [19] Non-adherence was a matter of practicality, not psychology.”

Essentially blames the lack of gov support for many without resources to enable them to follow restrictions.

If you could work from home, in your big detached house, while storing up supplies in your pantry and online ordering everything life was probably fine.

In an aside, I have a big issue with workers in certain sectors moaning about their pay at the moment. - They were able to continue working in their chosen profession, their kids were allowed to go to school because they were essential, they were hero worshipped, received 20% off everything, their dreams and aspirations were largely (unless they lost someone) unimpeded, all the dough raked in not spent on their usual hols and entertainment was ploughed into general goods and the housing market serving to cock it all up and raise inflation. I have literally zero empathy - come and join the financial pain party many have been in from the beginning of the pandemic!!!

To sum it up we got an email upon the cessation of the second lockdown from Dc school (most of the parents are civil servants of one sort of another, NHS etc) - dear parents we thought we would give you another day off around the bank holiday because it’s been so horrible that everyone hasn’t been able to have a holiday in so long………….
For us a) after what we’d been through we couldn’t afford a hol b) it was literally the least of our probs after multiple bereavements etc etc.
But glory for those in their ivory towers who had such frivolous concerns.

Ps before anyone jumps on - I am not for a moment saying I am ungrateful for the work of people in certain professions. I am glad they are there and appreciative of what they’ve done.

But literally, they have no idea how lucky they have been in many respects to have lived out the pandemic with life relatively intact. Like they had everything on a silver platter and are now asking for platinum is what it feels like. So soon after the worst of covid feels in very poor taste. And if all granted then we are going to end up like the 70s with mortgage rates of 15-17% as a result as it will make inflation go bananas.

This thread got very long and I guess it will close soon. OP - I really hope you will follow through on your thoughts about talking to someone who is professionally there just for you. You went through some really horrible stuff that justifies feelings of anger. But you also went through some stuff that it would seem more likely has its base in sadness/regret and fear/anxiety. When what you were going through made you feel so impotent, accessing anger can feel like the most powerful solution but if what is really bothering you are things that made you feel sad or scared then it will be difficult to make right and move on when the anger/blame is hogging all of your attention.

The second thing you mentioned on your long OP was "Being humiliated by the headteacher at DC school shouting at me in front of other parents because I refused to wear a mask outside". This appears to rank quite highly, but it is completely unimportant in comparison to all the stuff you had to endure (masking your own depression while your DH was falling apart, being threatened with violence, losing friends, worrying for your children). The other parents and headteacher have long forgotten it but it is still sitting there jabbing at you. This is the kind of thing that holds most of us back and the thing a bit of personal therapy (rather than reading angry rants on here which will never change what happened nor other people's opinions) help with.

Great post @carolecole you're a wise owl 🦉

Listen to the feedback OP
Really listen