To wonder why the teacher brought this up at parents evening?

[Stringycheeses]

My son is 4, so this is his first parents evening. We went last night and it was mostly positive.
Except she said he doesn’t like to sit with the girls and gets very upset if he’s sat next to one. He always wants to be ‘with the boys’.
We’ve never made an issue out of gender or differences, so I have no idea where this had come from.

Also wondering why the teacher brought it up, I know I should have asked at the time, but I felt a bit surprised.

@Gravelady it's an eye opener but not in a good way!

I know right - and the ones saying “it’s the grandparents!!!” Like seriously lol

I hated sitting with boys as a child and didn’t really have any male friends till my teens. I have now discovered I was an abnormal bigot, every day is a school day

I don't think anyone has suggested the child is a bigot but he clearly has a problem with girls and it would help him to find out what that is.

Don't worry about it, the teacher will keep you updated about any and all tendencies at this age.

Also while it's perfectly normal for children to have an innate preference, it helps that you know this so you can encourage him to play with girls if you want to.

I wouldn't worry about it at all.

He most likely won’t. He’ll sit down for circle time or whatever it’s called now with all the other children.
What is this current fashion of constantly looking for faults in children to label and medicate anyway.?
A child’s character isn’t even formed at such a young age.

It isn't a fault. He may have a misconception that needs addressing.

And nobody has suggested medicating him.

At 4 it's pretty concerning that he's reacting badly to half his class. The fact you don't understand why the teacher mentioned it is a little concerning - it is an issue, perhaps you do need to speak about gender and how we are all equal

Has he overheard an adult conversation. Something like 'I don't even like sitting next to a woman anymore because you never know'?

If there's one agreed difference between girls and boys it's that they socialise in different ways. It's perfectly normal for a boy to prefer the boy style. He shouldn't be forced out of this preference any more than he should be forced to be right-handed.
Anyway girls smell. (Not altogether a joke. Many men prefer not to be in the 'perfume zone'. Though that shouldn't be an issue at this child's age.)

Why wouldn't she bring it up?

exaltedwombat
There is a big difference between having preferences on who to play with and getting very upset at sitting next to anyone of the opposite sex.

It's nothing like trying to stop people being left or right handed.

Has he overheard an adult conversation. Something like 'I don't even like sitting next to a woman anymore because you never know'?
I wondered this. The 'you never know' is a very adult expression and not one a young child would typically use.

Given how upset OP's child is, and it seems grandparents already have form for questionable attitudes to sex and gender, I'd suspect he's overheard something.

What are grandma and grandpa saying to him? I’d look their for where the boy/girl blue/pink divide comes from

Hrs not being forced to play. It's about sitting near to a girl. The teacher can't have a gender divide.

I agree with you. Very strange thing to raise as an issue. It's totally normal behaviour at that age and doesn't need "dealing with".

This sounds like someone has told him that he can’t do certain things otherwise people will think he is a girl or he will become a girl
I would look at the books in school and at home or anywhere he has access to which might suggest this
Or
Who around him has the idea that there are specific gender stereotypes and if you do one thing that isn’t something a boy is supposed to do then you become a girl

It sounds like something has got a little money fed up in his mind

Mixed up in his mind

My son used to say girls had germs. He had 2 sisters too! Not a lasting issue.

It could be possible that another child has suggested something to him. e.g. girls like kissing. That might explain his 'you never know' remark. Although he is only 4 years, sadly some other children may have knowledge beyond their years. I would engage him in a favourite play, or story and gently try to tease out what he is thinking. Not to alarm anyone, but rarely incidents like this can indicate that another child may be the victim of something unsavoury.

I remember my first school trip aged 5yo and the teacher pairing me with a boy! I was horrified. Being a quiet shy child, I didn't say anything, but felt everyone was looking at me and commenting. We even had to hold hands with our partners. I was so embarrassed.
My sister was a tomboy who was more friends with boys than girls, and I had a brother too, so I'm not sure why I felt like that. However I'm sure that no comments had come from my relatives, and I don't recall any comments from classmates.

This…

OP - I don’t think you sound defensive at all. And Parents Evenings can feel rather stressful- especially before you are used to them.
If he were my child I would want the teacher to tell me how he shows his upset and how they deal with it. Because if my son was worried or upset about something at school I would hope the teachers are dealing with it kindly. And I would want to know how intense the upset seems to be.
At 4 years of age the world can be a very confusing place.
I remember telling my son to ‘get his skates on’ one morning and he asked me if he was allowed to wear them in school…

Well obviously it’s an issue to raise OP, because not wanting to sit next to someone because they are a girl / black / fat / different to you in X way is anti social and prejudiced.

He’s 4 and kids that age develop funny ticks like this so you don’t need to get bent out of shape about it, but you do need ti help the school address it.

It's quite common at that age it's really all about social development. So one child is a social butterfly, one child has a bestie and they pine for each other when seperated. Some children are good at playing with both sexes, some prefer opposite sex and some their own. It's actually quite good to know these things for playdates and birthday parties.

This thread! The exact same people who will be up in arms that "these days" children won't do what they're told/ dont respect teachers are now acting out because people expect a 4 year old boy to sit next to a 4 year old girl without becoming distressed ....as obviously that means everyone is furious about gender. This is unusual behaviour, what do you getting upset about a boy needing his poor behaviour addressed suggest going forward for the school boy only classes to avoid anything that might be girl associated? Maybe keep the sexes separate across the country, eh? Otherwise how will they know what gender they are.