To wonder why the teacher brought this up at parents evening?

[Stringycheeses]

My son is 4, so this is his first parents evening. We went last night and it was mostly positive.
Except she said he doesn’t like to sit with the girls and gets very upset if he’s sat next to one. He always wants to be ‘with the boys’.
We’ve never made an issue out of gender or differences, so I have no idea where this had come from.

Also wondering why the teacher brought it up, I know I should have asked at the time, but I felt a bit surprised.

He's four years old for goodness sake!

Exactly @HateLongCovid
He's 4. So where has he got anti girls from?

Doesn't mean he is anti-girls. He might just be shy of them or have some fear of turning into one. Stop demonising a 4 year-old. There were always lots of boys and girls like this when I was at school. I think people are blowing this way out of proportion 🙄

I'd want to know that. I'd also want to discuss with the teacher what's happening in school to challenge sex stereotyping in the classroom. It's fine for boys to want to play together, but it's important not to let that tip over into the whole boys taking up more space in the playground type of behaviour that still, sadly happens. I'm not, of course, saying that your son is doing, but it's something to watch for in general.

🙄

My 4 year old has changed since starting school - the 1st week a lot of the girls had really cute bows in their hair and I asked him if he would like to have bows (he has long hair) and he said yes, a couple of weeks ago I asked him if he will have his hair in a ponytail when it’s hot in the summer and he said ‘no I’m not a girl’

Your son is displaying behaviour which is problematic in class - and not only being disruptive - could cause upset to half the class.

In a couple of years behaviour like this could be deemed sexist - which then becomes an issue the school have to deal with more directly.

The solution here is to gently try and deal with behaviour that the school are flagging as not ok, and to get to the bottom of it, so he's comfortable with girls. Otherwise further steps will be required at some point.

This behaviour is clearly unusual and difficult enough to merit comment. That's enough of a reason to raise it as a teacher even at this age.

Sometimes this can be a sign of autism, rigid thinking, categorisation, and from an early age boys social interactions are less complex than girls, so it's easier to mask autism in friendships with boys. As a singular example I wouldn't think it is indicative of autism, but as part of the wider picture it might be. Or maybe just a sign you need to have a conversation with him about talking to girls more.

It’s a partnership: she’s being open with you so you can work together on helping him see, by the time he’s older, that this isn’t an acceptable way to behave in life.

Don't mention it any more to him. It just puts a focus on something that is best ignored and will wither on the vine if you do not water it with attention. It would be helpful if the teacher took the same approach - but I understand her problem in class. But the more people talk to him about it, the more he will do it as its importance will grow every time it is mentioned.

There are some right jumped up judgy knobbers on this thread.

I'm sorry a 4 year old not liking sitting with girls is a "problem" now?? Christ...

Some of these people are so up their own bottoms

The teacher did absolutely the right thing by bringing it up because it’s an issue that you you need to tackle. Ime it’s unusually for a child as young as 4 to have such rigid ideas about people based on their sex. Often if they’re going to gravitate very much towards their own sex it happens when they’re older.

Your son needs to receive the message that everyone in his class is worthy, equally important, and no one deserves to be treated with unkindness, especially based on their sex. It will be problematic in the class if your son thinks he’s allowed to dictate who he does and doesn’t sit next to, and it’s going to be horrible for the girl that has done nothing wrong but has someone refusing to sit next to them for no reason.

Someone who talks sense!

I think they always try and come up with something to work on with them, so if it was an otherwise great parents evening that's what I would try and take away from it.

Because sometimes they struggle to find things to talk about

This.

Could it be coming from his Grandfather, or even his Grandmother?

Someone seems to be trying to make sure that your son doesn't - what, ? - doesn't decide he wants to be a girl? Has all the ridiculousness that has been in the news for the last few years, caused someone in his life to become irrational?

I would take what he said about 'never knowing' as quite serious, unlike a pp who thought it was funny. I think that a child his age would only say that because he has heard it from someone else - someone he respects? - and if not a family member, could it have been from something he heard on the TV, or something they had a lesson about at school?

Have you asked his Grandparents (maternal or paternal, as it could affect the way you broach the subject) if they have had any conversations along those lines, or any Aunts or Uncles? If no-one in the family admits to having thoughts along those lines, that your DS could have overheard, or that they could have even actually talked to him directly about, then I think you need to talk to his teacher in private, and ask her how long your son has been reacting like that, and see whether it matches up with anything that might have happened at home/with relatives, at school, or even at a nursery if he used to go to one?

If something does come to light @Stringycheeses that suggests, or even confirms a reason for your DS's attitude and behaviour, then I think you should ask someone professional for advice on how to explain to him that he doesn't need to be worried by, or even scared of, girls his own age.

I'd be concerned coupled with his other reactions, he's heard negative comments somewhere, does someone in the family tease him
with 'you're behaving like a girl' etc remarks? You don't want to raise a misogynist.

This

I am actually shocked by the way some people are talking to the OP.

he doesn’t like to sit with the girls and gets very upset if he’s sat next to one

I would say it’s entirely appropriate for a teacher to raise an issue with parents where their child is becoming very upset in any situation.

It’s perfectly normal for young boys to want to play with young boys and young girls to want to play with young girls. Then when they hit puberty they want to play more with the opposite sexes.
It’s just basic human instinct.
It is how kids are and has nothing to do with all this modern gender nonsense.
I know this because I used to be a boy and have raised two 17 year old boys of my own.
Education should be educational not indoctrinational. Let children evolve as they want to and need to as individuals not clones to suit an ideology.

It might be normal to prefer to play with their own sex but it isn't normal to refuse to sit next to a girl/boy and get upset about it. It will be causing problems every time the teacher wants to get the class together on the carpet.