To wonder why the teacher brought this up at parents evening?

[Stringycheeses]

My son is 4, so this is his first parents evening. We went last night and it was mostly positive.
Except she said he doesn’t like to sit with the girls and gets very upset if he’s sat next to one. He always wants to be ‘with the boys’.
We’ve never made an issue out of gender or differences, so I have no idea where this had come from.

Also wondering why the teacher brought it up, I know I should have asked at the time, but I felt a bit surprised.

From your comment "it was mostly positive", it's possible to infer that you weren't happy being told anything other than "positive" things.

Which is an issue for you to consider.

I’d keep asking gently at different times. Maybe ask if something happened that made him not want to sit with girls. It could be a comment made or perhaps a girl who was a bit over keen that made him feel awkward. Sometimes children get so black and white about a situation they don’t want repeated - or even that they think could happen but hasn’t yet. I’m sure if you keep chatting about it you’ll get to the bottom of it. Equally, if point out you’re a girl and he sits with you.

What do you mean, "like himself"? There is not a lot of difference between them at that age.

It’s also possible to instead infer that contextually this was unusual and he wasn’t a child who had raised several concerns, was developmentally delayed or neuro-diverse. It’s key to the situation to know whether the rest of the conversation was positive or whether it was amongst the teacher saying ‘we think this is one of many concerning factors’.

Course theres an issue

If he won't even sit by a girl when doing schoolwork /dinner time

Teacher did the right thing

Does he ever okay with girls /have friends or cousins who are female

It isn't normal. In over 30 years as an Early Years teacher I don't think this ever happened. Not wanting to sit next to a particular child, maybe, but not the whole of the opposite sex.

Maybe he's worried about turning into a girl by being near one. Nothing surprises me with the crap that's being taught to children from a very young age currently. I'm actually being serious.

This. It isn’t normal behaviour either.

I could see ds being like that when he was that age and reacting the same. Nothing that anyone did or said would have made a difference, he was later diagnosed with ASD. Not saying that's the case with your ds at all, my ds was just emotionally immature for his age and it's probably the same for your ds and he'll just naturally grow out of it.

I don't think that people should assume that 'gets very upset' means he's crying and causing a major fuss, he might just go very red, get huffy and not want to sit there so you can tell he's very upset about having to do it.

Personally it's not something I could get worked up over, you can't make him like girls, you can't make him mature emotionally, just leave him to grow up a bit and let the teacher to decide how she wants to handle it. I would guess she brought it up just as an observation, I'm sure things will be very different by the time he's 14!

Maybe he did think he was going to turn into a girl or something. As I’ve just remembered another incident, he was given a kids tattoo at a summer fair on his hand, when he realised it was a unicorn, we went to his grandparents and he ran upstairs hiding his hand, washed it off quickly and said “I don’t want grandma and grandpa to think I’m a girl!”

Someone has given him these ideas, he hasn't just thought it up on his own.

What’s the big deal?

you’re overthinking.

Hmmmm. Are Grandma and Grandpa the types to follow old fashioned gender stereotypes and have possibly have commented on him playing with certain toys/'turning into a girl' as a negative?

It sounds like he doesn’t like girls very much. Imagine if he wouldn’t sit next to anyone from another group of children e.g. Asian children. Do you think the teacher should bring that up? Your unicorn tattoo update also suggests he does have very negative feelings about girls.

Making issues where there are none to be had and at only 4 years of age is pathetic. So he has a preference to sit with boys. Who stuffing well cares? Children change as they mature. Not everything needs to be made into some sort of issue that "needs addressing".

It's very odd he's written off half the class. What does he like to play?

Hmmm- has someone called him “girly” or told him to “stop acting like a girl” when he’s been upset or sensitive? It certainly sounds like he has a real negative association with girls and if it didn’t come from you or his home life- then where? Was he at nursery or child minder or family before school began?

From your update i would be very interested in what he has heard from grandma and grandpa

I would check

1. has something happened to him that makes him want to avoid girls? A negative experience sitting next to one girl perhaps?

2. Is it all girls he doesn't want to sit next to, or did he not want to sit next to one or two specific girls for a specific reason relating to them, and the teacher has misinterpreted that to mean he wants to be away from all girls?

3. Why does he think people will think he's a girl because he had a unicorn painted on him? And why does he feel it would be a bad thing if people did think he were a girl? Is it something against girls, or does he feel that boys have to act a specific way to be accepted? Where is he getting this message from?

I would think she brought it up because it is unusual at that age.

It does sound like he has maybe be called a "girl" or like a girl in a negative way. And he sees him being like a girl as a bad thing I do think it's a shame, but I'm sure easy enough to develop his opinion in a more positive way towards "girls"

I think if it was just a particular one or two girls the teacher would have noted that (I would hope so anyway) so i would assume it was any girl to not sit near, but always worth checking to ensure they have ensured it's not just a few girls. It really important you find information like this out, social development is really important.

You do sound a wee bit defensive OP, but of course I understand why.

Just shake off the comment, try and get to the bottom of why he doesn't like it, socialise, socialise and socialise some more and I'm sure he'll get out of it.

It's normal for children to want to play with other children like them, it's not normal to have a meltdown. You know this, or if you didn't, you do now you've read this thread 😂You can sort it. Good luck!

Is this a joke post?

I'm flabbergasted that you're not pretty horrified by this op, and not doing everything possible to talk to your son about why this is not ok!!

He has decided that half of the population, whose personality he doesn't yet know, are not people to be friends with.

Where has he got that from? I'm assuming it's not you, otherwise you'd be embarrassed. So, it's somewhere else. I'd be doing my damdest to find out where.

You need to pdq quash this and enlighten him that people are people.

It matters if he's refusing to sit where he's told do at school. Maybe he has to work in groups sometimes and he's refusing to be anywhere near a girl. As a pp said if he was refusing to sit with black or Asian children would that be OK?

Told to