Didn’t even make the bed

[TheHoover]

We had a wardrobe fitter in yesterday to finish an unfinished job. I was at work, DH was working from home. I always leave the house early creeping around so as not to wake him too early. We chatted the previous night about the fitter coming 10-11am).

When I got home in the evening I went straight to the bedroom to check the wardrobe and found that the bed had not been made, DH’s previous days clothes, boxers and pyjamas were on the floor and… the knickers I was wearing yesterday were tangled in a blanket (and on the floor).

I was absolutely livid and feel really ‘ugh’ now. Mostly about the knickers but also about the unmade bed and general mess.

We had a mini-argument - DH is way way better than many other Hs in doing his fair share of housework and childcare but he knows this and, even though it’s not quite equal he never accepts me saying anything to the contrary. He also tends to do housework only when I ask him which gets my goat a little but as I said it’s better than most. But REALLY should I have had to tell him to make the bed and put clothes in the basket?

I said to him the problem is that he actually doesn’t care that a tradesman had seen our unmade bed and dirty laundry. He said no, he doesn’t care.

AIBU to have expected him to do this? Or should I have just realised and reminded him by waking the fucker up at 6.45

I completely agree. No way would DH let anyone into the house without making the bed first, and he’d definitely have picked any dirty clothes up from the floor beforehand. He’d do that anyway, just as a matter of course, on a normal day, not that I leave dirty clothes lying about, I hasten to add.

My sons would have made bed and tided the room too, and picked the knickers up if it had happened in their houses.

Meh my tradie mates wouldn't care. Might laugh at your knickers though.

They've found needles and heroin behind furniture before which is much worse. They scarpered from there.

Well if they weren't obvious to her then the wardrobe guy isn't going to spot them either, so no big deal!

I was thinking this your just as bad as him who on earth leaves knickers on the floor anyway!

@BertieBotts nope, no age issue I would think, I am WELL past 40😂, and don’t make the bed. My mother insisted on it when I lived at home but the second I left common sense took over (redundant activity as only getting in it again and again). Then I learnt it was actually more hygienic to have a good air flow in it so that sealed what was already a deal for me. DH didn’t bother with his either so it wasn’t like I had to try and either convert him or tell him he could knock himself out and gave the activity all to himself if he believed in it.

Because my private life isn't something I generally share with strangers, it's no different to the average person having their sex toys left out for a stranger to see, I imagine most people would find it embarrassing and that you are the exception rather than the rule.

With you on this OP. I wouldn't mind the mess on a usual day but would expect a quick tidy round before someone were to see it

I bath the night before, no time for showers in the morning

I would have anticipated this happening and ran round and picked the floor stuff up. Bed would have annoyed me, but I wouldn't have cared what a tradesman thought as the rest of the house was in order.

Ha ha OP, I was wondering about the blanket 🤣

I agree DP should have straightened up the bedroom before the tradesperson came in

It would bother me. My son once had a job delivering furniture. He told me one of the men stole knickers from the laundry basket. There are weirdos everywhere.

Would it have hurt you to remove your knickers and his previous days clothes from the floor? I can't abide people who drop stuff all over the place. I bet your kitchen cupboards are messy and the bathroom and fridge could do with a clean.

Would it have hurt him to remove her knickers and his previous days clothes from the floor?

This would bother me. It’s not like the trade person was there at the crack of dawn so he has plenty of time to make the place look presentable. It’s just lazy in my opinion.

@DanceMonster Yes I agree but she was first up. When THEY went to bed the previous night, why didn't HE pick up and put away the clothes he took off? It seems to be an embedded habit as he must have done it before and either he's done it since childhood or acquired the habit since adulthood.
Whatever the answer, the OP clearly hasn't pulled him up about it and so it's continued.

I can’t abide judgy fuckers. I bet you have no friends

I wouldn't so much mind about the tradesman but I hate coming home to an unmade bed. It hurts my eyes.

I can understand how you feel OP. But I'm sure the tradesman will have seen far worse.
Just a thought maybe you did put your knickers in the washing basket, but he took them out for a sniff and forgot to put them back...😜

@TheHoover
I had someone in to quote for replacing the glass in my windows. The bedroom was a bit messy. I said "oh no, the bedroom is a mess." His reply was "why would I care that your bedroom is messy."
Workers do not care that your bed was unmade.

I agree. Next time, she should flip on the lights, find her and his clothes, remind him that the workers are coming and then leave. How dare she be courteous and sneak out, letting him sleep longer.

That is fucking gross.

Let’s not confuse weirdos with perverts.

An unmade bed feels like the height of slovenliness. I couldn’t get back into an unmade bed, either. Feels rank.

I promise you, the wardrobe fitter has seen far worse, and is more interested in getting his own job done than worrying about your successes or failures as a housekeeper. Heave a great sigh, say, "AH, LA!" and move own.

Yes I’d be passed off too. My husband is a carpenter and builder and I’ve heard a lot worse than an un made bed and a bit if dirty laundry though so I wouldn’t worry too much .