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AIBU?

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Original poster

Didn’t even make the bed

160 replies

TheHoover · 22/03/2023 16:07

We had a wardrobe fitter in yesterday to finish an unfinished job. I was at work, DH was working from home. I always leave the house early creeping around so as not to wake him too early. We chatted the previous night about the fitter coming 10-11am).

When I got home in the evening I went straight to the bedroom to check the wardrobe and found that the bed had not been made, DH’s previous days clothes, boxers and pyjamas were on the floor and… the knickers I was wearing yesterday were tangled in a blanket (and on the floor).

I was absolutely livid and feel really ‘ugh’ now. Mostly about the knickers but also about the unmade bed and general mess.

We had a mini-argument - DH is way way better than many other Hs in doing his fair share of housework and childcare but he knows this and, even though it’s not quite equal he never accepts me saying anything to the contrary. He also tends to do housework only when I ask him which gets my goat a little but as I said it’s better than most. But REALLY should I have had to tell him to make the bed and put clothes in the basket?

I said to him the problem is that he actually doesn’t care that a tradesman had seen our unmade bed and dirty laundry. He said no, he doesn’t care.

AIBU to have expected him to do this? Or should I have just realised and reminded him by waking the fucker up at 6.45

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 22/03/2023 17:06

TheHoover · 22/03/2023 16:07

We had a wardrobe fitter in yesterday to finish an unfinished job. I was at work, DH was working from home. I always leave the house early creeping around so as not to wake him too early. We chatted the previous night about the fitter coming 10-11am).

When I got home in the evening I went straight to the bedroom to check the wardrobe and found that the bed had not been made, DH’s previous days clothes, boxers and pyjamas were on the floor and… the knickers I was wearing yesterday were tangled in a blanket (and on the floor).

I was absolutely livid and feel really ‘ugh’ now. Mostly about the knickers but also about the unmade bed and general mess.

We had a mini-argument - DH is way way better than many other Hs in doing his fair share of housework and childcare but he knows this and, even though it’s not quite equal he never accepts me saying anything to the contrary. He also tends to do housework only when I ask him which gets my goat a little but as I said it’s better than most. But REALLY should I have had to tell him to make the bed and put clothes in the basket?

I said to him the problem is that he actually doesn’t care that a tradesman had seen our unmade bed and dirty laundry. He said no, he doesn’t care.

AIBU to have expected him to do this? Or should I have just realised and reminded him by waking the fucker up at 6.45

Wouldn't bother me unless they were 'shameful' knickers crutch up. I rarely make my bed

Original poster
TheHoover · 22/03/2023 17:07

Lol @ creameggthief
yeah I guess it’s double standards to care about what others feel at the state of your place than you do yourself. Ie DH has clothes on the floor constantly. Mine was unfortunate….but not unheard of

OP posts:
RobertsRadio · 22/03/2023 17:08

I'm with you Op, that is just slovenly. It seems to me just basic courtesy to the wardrobe fitter to make the bed, pick up any clothes from the floor and put them in the laundry bin, then open the windows to air the bedroom. I wouldn't expect that the wardrobe fitter wants to see someone's unmade bed and have to walk round their dirty laundry in order to do their work, it just seems disrespectful not to try and provide a clean and sanitary room for them to work in.

I think your DH is a slattern and for the rest of the week I would not be creeping around trying not to wake him, oh no, the alarm would be on loud and long, lights switched on, radio on full blast, opening and shutting of drawers and doors as loudly as possible then pulling back curtains before exiting for work with a loud and cheery goodbye. That should learn the mucky fucker.

MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 17:39

Now you can’t be angry at dh over your own underwear tangled up in blanket on floor in all it’s ignoble glory, that was your own doing, op! 😀😂

If he doesn’t usually make the bed and pick up the room, then chatting about a workman coming in the next morning is not going to light a fire under him. He’s a man. If you said that to a female roommate then yes she would have had the dignity to do it without having to have it spelled out to her LOL

But we’re talking about the average DHs here. My dh and Ds are absolutely baffled every single time I race around the house tidying before company comes or workers. It is a concept that is so alien to them I have to explain every single time why I’m doing it because they’re so perplexed.

Turn the light on next time LOL only way he’ll learn.

MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 17:40

its not it’s! I spelled it correctly then stupid autocorrect!

gogohmm · 22/03/2023 17:42

I'm with you until you mentioned your knickers, surely that's your responsibility??? Each person puts their own dirty washing in the the laundry basket, even at 4 my kids did that

gogohmm · 22/03/2023 17:44

My bed isn't made btw, dp is away and I can't get worked up about housekeeping

BertieBotts · 22/03/2023 17:48

I don't think the wardrobe fitter will care if the bed is made.

The knickers are a bit argh but probably DH didn't notice.

Lesvacances · 22/03/2023 17:52

When my dsis was first married they didn’t have a washing machine and had to use a laundrette.
My dbil was training to be a SW and was being observed on visits.
He was mortified when he picked his boss up to see dsis’s knickers had fallen from the laundry bag and were on the back seat.😂
We thought it was hilarious!

picklemewalnuts · 22/03/2023 19:21

gogohmm · 22/03/2023 17:42

I'm with you until you mentioned your knickers, surely that's your responsibility??? Each person puts their own dirty washing in the the laundry basket, even at 4 my kids did that

Harder when you are dressing in the dark, though.

Laptopneeded · 22/03/2023 19:26

Well... If it makes you feel better... I scrubbed our loo in preparation for a plumber coming to view it to potentially replace it at stage.
. You could have eaten your dinner in it.

Standing over it, opened the lid and it looked like someone had poured a huge amount of brown stoge all down the sides and in it... Obviously unfkushed.

I was mortified. It didn't even go properly when I did flush it. Dh.

Cas112 · 22/03/2023 19:28

They have probably seen worse

But yes put your knickers in the washing basket Confused

GoldZip · 22/03/2023 19:47

I'd be kicking myself about the knickers, the rest of it I'd consider was for DH to be embarrassed about, or not, as he was the one in the house to see them.

Delatron · 22/03/2023 19:58

Men don’t seem to care about stuff like this. It drives me mad. DH can invite tradesmen over and he doesn’t tell me. I’m mortified if there are clothes everywhere and bed unmade. I need some notice and a whizz around.

I would not be creeping around in the dark anymore. I’d put the light on and tidying if he can’t be trusted.

Delatron · 22/03/2023 20:00

I think the OP has said she didn’t see the knickers as they were tangled in a blanket and it was dark. I’m sure she’d have put them in the wash basket if it had been light.

gamerchick · 22/03/2023 20:02

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/03/2023 16:18

I'd have been furious with my DH for this.

Its very disrespectful to the poor wardrobe fitter

So would I and it is. But obviously the slatterns are going to come out saying they wouldn't care about any wardrobe fitter working in an untidy environment or seeing dirty underwear strewn about. Coz it's protect the menz at all cost on here atm.

DanceMonster · 22/03/2023 20:02

CremeEggThief · 22/03/2023 17:01

TheHoover, Oh God, I missed the part of the underwear on the floor! I would never, ever in a million years have dirty underwear on the floor anyway!

I REALLY don't understand how you think this is acceptable to be normal in your house and you are only about what strangers might think. Actually shocked by your priorities here, as you think SO differently from me!😆

She dropped them without realising while putting her clothes in the washing basket as she was getting ready in the dark. Not that scandalous really.

GoldZip · 22/03/2023 20:06

gamerchick · 22/03/2023 20:02

So would I and it is. But obviously the slatterns are going to come out saying they wouldn't care about any wardrobe fitter working in an untidy environment or seeing dirty underwear strewn about. Coz it's protect the menz at all cost on here atm.

Show quote history

If this is a feminist issue, why is it wife who needs to worry about it if husband doesn't?

She wasn't there. It's his problem. It only feels like OP's problem because she's taken on the role of housekeeper and therefore it feels like a failure of her standards, when actually any judgement should be against Dh.

Delatron · 22/03/2023 20:12

Though, if I wasn’t in the house I don’t think I’d care. It’s when I’m in the house and they rock up (invited by DH who doesn’t tell me).

Turnipworkharder · 22/03/2023 20:14

After reading the post title and the first bit of your post OP.

I honestly thought you were going to say you and the fitter, had sex and didn't manage to make the bed,as in floor sex or something. 😂

Moversnotshakers · 22/03/2023 20:17

You mentioned 6.45. Surely if this just happened recently it now light at 6am and you would have been able to see the underwear?

Phonemonkey2023 · 22/03/2023 20:18

Does he usually make the bed? If not then I don’t know why you expect anything different, I’m sure your house won’t stick in the wardrobe fitter’s minds.

DanceMonster · 22/03/2023 20:19

Moversnotshakers · 22/03/2023 20:17

You mentioned 6.45. Surely if this just happened recently it now light at 6am and you would have been able to see the underwear?

We have black our curtains at our window so it would be dark at 6.45am unless I switched the light on or opened our curtains, neither of which I’d do if someone was still asleep in the room. Maybe the OP has similar.

Original poster
TheHoover · 22/03/2023 20:28

Haha @Turnipworkharder
imagine posting that on AIBU…..

OP posts:
WhatWouldHopperDo · 22/03/2023 20:32

Why do people find it so hard to believe op might have dropped her knickers while she was getting ready and didn’t notice them?

I couldn’t give a shit if this happened in my house but now I’m on the OPs side because people are nit picking about how she could possibly drop pants and not notice. How do you know how fucking light or dark it is in her bedroom?!

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