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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Didn’t even make the bed

160 replies

TheHoover · 22/03/2023 16:07

We had a wardrobe fitter in yesterday to finish an unfinished job. I was at work, DH was working from home. I always leave the house early creeping around so as not to wake him too early. We chatted the previous night about the fitter coming 10-11am).

When I got home in the evening I went straight to the bedroom to check the wardrobe and found that the bed had not been made, DH’s previous days clothes, boxers and pyjamas were on the floor and… the knickers I was wearing yesterday were tangled in a blanket (and on the floor).

I was absolutely livid and feel really ‘ugh’ now. Mostly about the knickers but also about the unmade bed and general mess.

We had a mini-argument - DH is way way better than many other Hs in doing his fair share of housework and childcare but he knows this and, even though it’s not quite equal he never accepts me saying anything to the contrary. He also tends to do housework only when I ask him which gets my goat a little but as I said it’s better than most. But REALLY should I have had to tell him to make the bed and put clothes in the basket?

I said to him the problem is that he actually doesn’t care that a tradesman had seen our unmade bed and dirty laundry. He said no, he doesn’t care.

AIBU to have expected him to do this? Or should I have just realised and reminded him by waking the fucker up at 6.45

OP posts:
DanceMonster · 22/03/2023 20:34

WhatWouldHopperDo · 22/03/2023 20:32

Why do people find it so hard to believe op might have dropped her knickers while she was getting ready and didn’t notice them?

I couldn’t give a shit if this happened in my house but now I’m on the OPs side because people are nit picking about how she could possibly drop pants and not notice. How do you know how fucking light or dark it is in her bedroom?!

Exactly 😂. I’m far more bothered about people insisting it impossible to drop a pair of knickers in the dark workout noticing than the original scenario!

Suzi888 · 22/03/2023 20:35

I would be livid, it’s something my DH would also do. Deepest sympathies OP. 😂

DanceMonster · 22/03/2023 20:35

*without noticing

WandaWonder · 22/03/2023 20:37

I would presume they are too busy to care and have probably seen all sorts

Sure we try and tidy but things happen and no I don't see the need to get so upset over this

shinynewapple22 · 22/03/2023 20:39

cocksstrideintheevening · 22/03/2023 16:08

You could have put your own knickers in the basket? Solved half the problem.

Absolutely. Imagine the responses if it was your husband complaining because you hadn't picked his dirty underwear up!

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 22/03/2023 20:40

cocksstrideintheevening · 22/03/2023 16:08

You could have put your own knickers in the basket? Solved half the problem.

correct.

Greenfairydust · 22/03/2023 20:40

You are grown ups and should not need anyone else to pick up your own underwear.

You are both equally grim in my opinion...

UWhatNow · 22/03/2023 20:41

If I’d left knickers lying around (I wouldn’t but if I did…) my DH would’ve picked them up before a random saw them. It’s about dignity and protecting family privacy. He wouldn’t think twice.

I don’t know why, but I’m always so shocked at the pick-me handmaids on here ready to attack the woman and happily defend a selfish man who does less than his fair share…

maddiemookins16mum · 22/03/2023 20:44

I’d have been mortified.

Cocobutt · 22/03/2023 20:48

YANBU

At the very least he could have shoved all of the clothes on the bed and put the duvet over it.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 22/03/2023 20:53

TheHoover · 22/03/2023 16:22

I thought I had, must have dropped them en route

Try using the torch on your mobile, to make sure you put your dirty knickers in the bin Envy

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/03/2023 20:55

If he doesn’t care about tradesman seeing an unmade bed and unwashed clothes then he doesn’t. You can obvs have rules about splitting tasks but beyond that you have to let your partner get on with it else you are being his mum.

MysweetAudrina · 22/03/2023 21:01

Maybe you did put them in the basket and the fitter was one of those Percy types and he took them out to have a quick knuckle shuffle over but got interrupted by your dh and flung them on the bed.

MysweetAudrina · 22/03/2023 21:01

Pervy am sure Percy types are lovely.

Curiosity101 · 22/03/2023 21:02

If you'd spoken before and said "Hey DH, it embarrasses and upsets me when external people see our dirty clothes and our messy bed. Please can we agree that doesn't happen again?" And he said "Sure thing". Then fair enough YANBU.

But it doesn't sound like that's what's happened. It seems unfair to expect someone to do something you care about without telling them what you care about and what you want from them.

myheartmyhead · 22/03/2023 21:03

YANBU

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/03/2023 21:05

I can't imagine a wardrobe fitter would give a shit at seeing an unmade bed.

SoAndSoSaidSo · 22/03/2023 21:20

Well I was very embarrassed about the state of my house tonight, we had a tradesman around for a quote.

I thought it was tomorrow and have only managed to do 1/4th today that I wanted too.

My DH is a tradesman and honestly some of the things he sees / experience is crazy! He wouldn't even worry about your bedroom, it is nothing compared to what's he's seen.

GodSaveTheClean · 22/03/2023 23:12

Not the point, but why take knickers off if you are getting ready?

WandaWonder · 22/03/2023 23:35

MysweetAudrina · 22/03/2023 21:01

Maybe you did put them in the basket and the fitter was one of those Percy types and he took them out to have a quick knuckle shuffle over but got interrupted by your dh and flung them on the bed.

Do you genuinely believe this?

MarchMadness23 · 22/03/2023 23:55

Moversnotshakers · 22/03/2023 20:17

You mentioned 6.45. Surely if this just happened recently it now light at 6am and you would have been able to see the underwear?

@Moversnotshakers maybe that have blackout blinds?

margegunderson · 22/03/2023 23:56

We rarely make the bed. It's more hygienic to pull the covers back and let it air for a few hours. However if someone was going to be creating sawdust in the room we'd have made it and covered with a dust sheet. Knickers not ideal but your partner clearly doesn't think that way. If they were a bit crusty I'd be embarrassed but only because the poor fella had to see them and I might bump into him again.

MarchMadness23 · 22/03/2023 23:58

GodSaveTheClean · 22/03/2023 23:12

Not the point, but why take knickers off if you are getting ready?

@GodSaveTheClean

presumably she took them
off with her clothes the previous night, then dropped them on her way to putting her other worn clothes in the basket.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 22/03/2023 23:59

And? Give your head a wobble

QueSyrahSyrah · 23/03/2023 00:01

On the rare occasion I leave earlier than DH I've been known to try and make the bed while he's still in it, so I feel you OP.