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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn’t even make the bed

160 replies

TheHoover · 22/03/2023 16:07

We had a wardrobe fitter in yesterday to finish an unfinished job. I was at work, DH was working from home. I always leave the house early creeping around so as not to wake him too early. We chatted the previous night about the fitter coming 10-11am).

When I got home in the evening I went straight to the bedroom to check the wardrobe and found that the bed had not been made, DH’s previous days clothes, boxers and pyjamas were on the floor and… the knickers I was wearing yesterday were tangled in a blanket (and on the floor).

I was absolutely livid and feel really ‘ugh’ now. Mostly about the knickers but also about the unmade bed and general mess.

We had a mini-argument - DH is way way better than many other Hs in doing his fair share of housework and childcare but he knows this and, even though it’s not quite equal he never accepts me saying anything to the contrary. He also tends to do housework only when I ask him which gets my goat a little but as I said it’s better than most. But REALLY should I have had to tell him to make the bed and put clothes in the basket?

I said to him the problem is that he actually doesn’t care that a tradesman had seen our unmade bed and dirty laundry. He said no, he doesn’t care.

AIBU to have expected him to do this? Or should I have just realised and reminded him by waking the fucker up at 6.45

OP posts:
Theoldwoman · 23/03/2023 06:18

I get up and shower therefore my knickers would be in the laundry hamper that sits in the bathroom.

Isnt this what people usually do?

DanceMonster · 23/03/2023 06:24

LookItsMeAgain · 23/03/2023 06:13

I get up every morning before any of the rest of my family, creep around in poor lighting, but I still manage to put my dirty laundry in the laundry basket.

Sorry but you'll find little support from me in relation to your mess that you could clear up yourself.

Show quote history

Well done.
Have you ever made a mistake in any aspect of your life? Ever forgotten to do something? Thought you’d done something but hadn’t? Dropped something and not noticed? Or is it 100% perfection at all times?

Theoldwoman · 23/03/2023 06:25

GodSaveTheClean · 22/03/2023 23:12

Not the point, but why take knickers off if you are getting ready?

I think they were ones she slept in all night.

78Summer · 23/03/2023 06:26

The tradesman probably has his own pants on the floor and felt at home.

LookItsMeAgain · 23/03/2023 06:31

@DanceMonster - can't quote your message as it already has a quote and I am on the app.
I don't leave my used/worn pants on the floor for another family member to deal with.
That's the only aspect of the OPs post that I am referring to.

I've forgotten plenty, made plenty of mistakes (and will continue to do so), but when it comes to my worn underwear, it's either on me (being worn, or in the laundry basket when I change.

Does that help clarify?

DanceMonster · 23/03/2023 06:36

LookItsMeAgain · 23/03/2023 06:31

@DanceMonster - can't quote your message as it already has a quote and I am on the app.
I don't leave my used/worn pants on the floor for another family member to deal with.
That's the only aspect of the OPs post that I am referring to.

I've forgotten plenty, made plenty of mistakes (and will continue to do so), but when it comes to my worn underwear, it's either on me (being worn, or in the laundry basket when I change.

Does that help clarify?

Yes, that’s great thanks!
Im sure at some point in my life I’ve made the small mistake of dropping a pair of knickers without noticing, maybe that’s why I have more empathy for the OP’s situation!

Softsoftsleep · 23/03/2023 07:03

Silently screams into the abyss

Op didn't know the knickers were on the floor or she would have put them in the laundry basket herself! Are people just so actually stupid that they can't understand this? She didn't knowingly fling her dirty knickers on the floor, shrug her shoulders and think 'nah, DH will put them in the basket. I couldn't be arsed. I'll put all my other clothes in though but just leave my undies here'.

As for that poster quizzing her on her timings like Detective Inspector Mumsnet, OP already said she was creeping out to work early not to wake her husband. At no point did I take from that that she flung the curtains open to let the fresh Spring morning sunshine flood the room and illuminate the floor. You do what you can to protect the other person's sleep by leaving as inconspicuously as possible, by leaving room dark and tiptoeing out. Am amazed that this needs to be explained to adults who have presumably living on the planet some time.

Op thinks she pops her clothes in the laundry basket, meanwhile a rogue pair of knickers gets dropped en route. It's too dark to see them and its only when she gets home and the curtains are open that she notices them. She is annoyed that her husband didn't spot them and put them in for the wash as she doesn't want the fitter to see her knickers lying on the floor. I can totally see this happening and really don't get the complete confusion over the flipping knickers on the floor. Has nobody here ever dropped anything, lost anything, nothing has ever fallen out of your hands or from a bundle of things you've been carrying and you didn't notice for whatever reason? Really? Feels like a lot of posters just landed on Earth last week!

Softsoftsleep · 23/03/2023 07:07

LookItsMeAgain · 23/03/2023 06:31

@DanceMonster - can't quote your message as it already has a quote and I am on the app.
I don't leave my used/worn pants on the floor for another family member to deal with.
That's the only aspect of the OPs post that I am referring to.

I've forgotten plenty, made plenty of mistakes (and will continue to do so), but when it comes to my worn underwear, it's either on me (being worn, or in the laundry basket when I change.

Does that help clarify?

Yeah and I get the impression that if op had known the knickers were on the floor she would have put them in the laundry basket too. She didn't know until later.

magicthree · 23/03/2023 07:10

The bed wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I only "make" my bed when I change the sheets, and certainly wouldn't have made a special effort for someone coming in to do a job. However, I also never leave underwear anywhere but in the laundry basket. Your knickers being on display is your fault, it's not up to DH to sort out.

Schnooze · 23/03/2023 07:13

I viewed a house one with knickers laying on the floor with gusset up. It put me off the house!

jemimapuddlepluck · 23/03/2023 07:27

Only read OP but I'm gonna guess that most posts are about your knickers, hinting that you are a dirty bitch and everything is all your fault. Your poor DH expected to make the bed blah blah.

lightisnotwhite · 23/03/2023 07:29

Theoldwoman · 23/03/2023 06:18

I get up and shower therefore my knickers would be in the laundry hamper that sits in the bathroom.

Isnt this what people usually do?

Only if you able to have a shower in the morning ( I’d disturb everyone everyone if I had a shower at 6am ) and have a bathroom big enough for a laundry hamper.

I think the Op should be grateful the knickers were still on the floor. I hear there’s a good trade in used underwear.

ChickenDhansak82 · 23/03/2023 07:29

Take responsibility for your own knickers! It was your job to put them in the laundry and not on the floor.

I would love a man that helped more around the house.

Softsoftsleep · 23/03/2023 07:32

ChickenDhansak82 · 23/03/2023 07:29

Take responsibility for your own knickers! It was your job to put them in the laundry and not on the floor.

I would love a man that helped more around the house.

Do you think OP threw them on the floor and just left them there deliberately? Or did you not read that she either thought they were already in the laundry or that a pair she didn't know about slipped out of the bed without her knowing?

jemimapuddlepluck · 23/03/2023 07:33

ChickenDhansak82 · 23/03/2023 07:29

Take responsibility for your own knickers! It was your job to put them in the laundry and not on the floor.

I would love a man that helped more around the house.

Think this sums up the replies on this thread. Christ I pity you writing shit like this.

DanceMonster · 23/03/2023 07:36

Honestly some peoples lives and relationships are completely alien to me. Of course it’s my responsibility to pick my own underwear up, but if I’d accidentally dropped a pair DH would absolutely pick them up and chuck them in the washing basket. Ditto the other way round. It takes seconds, and neither of us would even mention it. I’d hate to have a relationship where we didn’t help each other out with minor things like that.

DanceMonster · 23/03/2023 07:37

ChickenDhansak82 · 23/03/2023 07:29

Take responsibility for your own knickers! It was your job to put them in the laundry and not on the floor.

I would love a man that helped more around the house.

So the OP should take responsibility for all her own stuff, but it appears that your DH doesn’t, and expects you to do his housework?

gannett · 23/03/2023 07:41

FrenchandSaunders · 22/03/2023 16:18

DH once told me that if he lived alone he would never bother making the bed "as you only get into it again at night" 🙄

I said this to DP once and he was horrified. I'm the slatternly one by far, though my dirty clothes find their way into the laundry basket more reliably than his. Not that I especially care, and nor would I be "livid" about the scenario in the OP. There are so many things to be livid about in the world, I couldn't give a single shit about someone seeing my unmade bed.

Elsanore · 23/03/2023 07:53

@TheHoover I completely agree with you.

I would have been really mad at my DH for these reasons:

  1. It was disrespectful to the workman to expect him to work around other people's mess and dirty washing. Your bedroom was his workplace briefly, and to not tidy it up for him suggests thoughtlessness or lack of regard for him. You were out at the crack of dawn and DH last up therefore his responsibility.
  1. An unmade bed and worn underwear are private things and I would feel embarrassed a stranger seeing them. It's an intimate setting and should have been made more presentable for a stranger.
  1. Thoughtless behaviour generally on behalf of your DH suggesting he doesn't even think about the state of the house because that's the woman's role- suggesting he's checked out of the mental load- this would piss me off the most.

He 100% should have picked up your knickers! You would have picked up his boxers wouldn't you, if you'd been there!

The suggestion that you should have left him a note reminding him to make the bed is the worst comment I've seen in here so far. Mental load much????
My DH would probably do what yours did OP, and I would bollock him and be really pissed off too.

RoxTen · 23/03/2023 07:54

marzipansux · 23/03/2023 03:14

Does everyone except me make their bad every morning? I am getting that feeling. I make mine when I change the sheets and pillowcases. Roughly once a fortnight. I feel like I have wandered into hygienic heaven and I don't belong!!

We're the same, and that's the better thing to do according to scientific research :-) From a hygiene point of view, making your bed is actually the grim thing to do.

lightisnotwhite · 23/03/2023 08:00

RoxTen · 23/03/2023 07:54

We're the same, and that's the better thing to do according to scientific research :-) From a hygiene point of view, making your bed is actually the grim thing to do.

Show quote history

I think the people that can be bothered to make the bed everyday probably live in houses where hygiene is less of an issue though ( relentless washing of themselves and everything else).

BertieBotts · 23/03/2023 08:07

I wonder if bed making is a generational thing - do people over a certain age (40?) do it and younger people don't?

RoxTen · 23/03/2023 08:08

lightisnotwhite · 23/03/2023 08:00

I think the people that can be bothered to make the bed everyday probably live in houses where hygiene is less of an issue though ( relentless washing of themselves and everything else).

Show quote history

The hygiene issue comes from trapping damp air underneath the covers, providing nice warm environments that bugs and germs like. It's nothing to do with how clean the people are.

PurpleParrotfish · 23/03/2023 08:10

jemimapuddlepluck · 23/03/2023 07:27

Only read OP but I'm gonna guess that most posts are about your knickers, hinting that you are a dirty bitch and everything is all your fault. Your poor DH expected to make the bed blah blah.

Bingo.

lightisnotwhite · 23/03/2023 08:19

@RoxTen yeah I know the theory. I just don’t think the bacterial cesspit counts in modern homes where the sheets are washed every week and people are in fresh clothes every five minutes.
Doesn’t the science say we are all hyper allergic these days because of too little exposure to dirt and germs.