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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about the way someone else is bringing up their dc?

107 replies

tillytally · 12/02/2008 15:04

I'm not sure if I should just butt out and forget it.

But i am worried about the dc of one of our employees.

They have 2 dc, one 2 1/2 the other only a few months old. I know they love the dc and in all other respects look after the kids well, they are clean well fed etc etc. They are young so have done things differantly to me, but nothing that jepordises the dc.

There is however one thing that really worries me. That is the fact that they both smoke a lot of cannabis. By a lot I mean most days. They are struggling financially which means the kids must go without some things to fund this, but more importantly those poor childrens health.

They live in a one bedroom flat so when they are smoking this they cannot be away from the fumes. In most cases there are others there smoking it as well.

What do i do AIBU and just butt out, or should I report this to someone? I am torn and dont know what to do.

I would hate someone interfearing with my life, but at the same time i wouldnt put my children in that environment.

OP posts:
Wisteria · 12/02/2008 15:46

not just you duchesse, me too - except my Dad smoked Hamlet.....

MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 15:48

Message withdrawn

Bangandthedirtisgone · 12/02/2008 15:48

Aaaah, brings back fond memories of my Dad chuffing away in the front seat of our old Lada.

Original poster
tillytally · 12/02/2008 15:51

I am not really knowledgable about drugs, hence why I started this conversation before taking any action.

They do roll it with tobbacco as well as doing something with a coke bottle to inhale it (dont ask me what)

All I was concerned about was the health implications to the children. If they are negligable i will leave them to it.

Even I know, some children are subjected to much worse, and even if this habit is spiralling them into debt, many no drug users go down this track. i am not trying to be unidealistic as to how their children should be raised.

Just dont want them to be ill or have side effacts from the drugs.

OP posts:
duchesse · 12/02/2008 15:51

Wisteria- we lived in France. When we were really poor my father smoked filterless Gitanes like the locals...

By god they were disgusting...

My brother fell out of the door of our rustbucket and onto the road, fortunately on a steep hill so my mother was driving very slowly. He was 18 months old. Picked himself up and started running after the car. Not too much damage, but my mother was sufficiently chastened to invest in a bungee to pin both doors together, and keep up in our seats.

My brother has now moved 5000 miles away.

Wisteria · 12/02/2008 15:53

Coke bottle thing is a bong tilly - they'll grow out of that!

Original poster
tillytally · 12/02/2008 15:54

yes it is very cramped, no they have new baby they are hoping council will give them a house. Hoping it must be their time soon they have been on the waiting list a couple of years now

OP posts:
Bangandthedirtisgone · 12/02/2008 15:54

I also think, the fact that they obviously do this in front of you or your DH displays a position of trust on their part. It would be a betrayal of that trust I think to go straight to social services.

eeewahwoowah · 12/02/2008 15:54

AandK said "They are not breaking the law it is legal to smoke cannabis on your own property."

That is incorrect. Cannabis is a Class C drug. It is still illegal.

Mercy · 12/02/2008 15:55

For some people the 'stoned' sensation is not really any different to having a couple of glasses of wine (although their reactions may be a little slower).

I think it's best to keep out tbh. Is the employee's ability to do their job affected in anyway?

Wisteria · 12/02/2008 15:57

ooops - sorry Eeeh - didn't see the post before

I thought it was still illegal to possess or supply cannabis actually, it's just now cat c drug instead - and generally not considered woth the paperwork to prosecute these days, unless you have enough to be considered a dealer

MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 15:57

Message withdrawn

Wisteria · 12/02/2008 15:58

If they got a house then they may even choose to go into the garden when the dcs are about, you could suggest that if and when they get moved.

Original poster
tillytally · 12/02/2008 16:00

I suppose missing out on things was the wrong way of putting it, but I don't lecture them when I have to sort out a sub on there wages as it is the middle of the week and they have no money for nappies, but are still smoke a packet of fags a day and do the cannabis.

He works and never misses a day so does provide he will beg and borrow to get the essentials for the dc, but it could be so much easier for them.

But like everyone keeps saying that is their choice.

Maybe I just feel sorry for them and am trying to mother them.

Maybe I should introduce a bonus scheme at work and help him out financially that way. Each moth if reach set targets they get supermarket vouchers or similar. At least it wouldnt be spent on drugs, but might help them

OP posts:
eeewahwoowah · 12/02/2008 16:02

absolutely true. for first timer's and people carrying small amounts it is highly unlikely that the will be arrested. the police force have this week called for Cannabis to be reclassified as Class B.

cannabis comes with risks and it comes with benefits. i personally would rather live with stoners than piss-heads.

Remotew · 12/02/2008 16:04

The supermarket vouchers sounds like a great idea. As has already been said its not a ideal situation but will improve when they get re-housed.

MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 16:05

Message withdrawn

duchesse · 12/02/2008 16:05

tillytally, if done tactfully, your supermarket voucher idea would be fantastic!

Wisteria · 12/02/2008 16:06

The thing is tilly, because of their situation they probably can't afford booze but can afford weed - it's not as expensive to share a few spliffs of an evening as it is to go to the pub or buy alcohol and we are all entitled to our vices no matter what our financial situation in my opinion.

Needing a sub when you're on a low wage with 2 young ones isn't reserved for those with drug 'problems' I am sure. If he always turns up for work on time and doesn't take time off then he doesn't have a 'problem' with it.

mellowma · 12/02/2008 16:06

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 16:08

Message withdrawn

duchesse · 12/02/2008 16:09

tilly, you sound exactly like the lovely mothering sort of person that most communities need! It's ladies like you that get things done.

eeewahwoowah · 12/02/2008 16:10

i'm with motherfunky and wisteria.

Bangandthedirtisgone · 12/02/2008 16:11

I thought this one had potential to be another fight thread but obviously not.

Come one someone "but drugs are illegal think about the children "

eeewahwoowah · 12/02/2008 16:13

we all had a smoke and agreed to discuss it calmly Bang.