To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

[AtTheEndOfMyWick]

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

I can't seem to find the one with the numbers atm - but a quick google will show you it's not an uncommon reasoning to have!

The adult thing to do would be to have a conversation, but given he has taken it upon himself to stage a one man dirty protest, I would just double bag them and throw them away. Let him run out of pants, he might then take more care in the future. I would then feign ignorance about what happened to them.

The only time I have dealt with dirty pants is with a toddler or terminally ill person in their last few weeks - they were also thrown out with no comment but I bought them replacements, with the adult, I managed to get the same pants so they just thought I was an ace washerwoman - basically we engaged in a collusion of kindness.

Just in case anyone else is hard of understanding:

1. Denial is a type of defense mechanism that involves ignoring the reality of a situation to avoid anxiety. Defense mechanisms are strategies that people use to cope with distressing feelings. In the case of denial, it can involve not acknowledging reality or denying the consequences of that reality.

1. The above, while very much a "thing", especially when related to embarrassing health matters, does not mean his wife should be washing his shreds.

I don't think you even need words for this. Just hold them up on front of him and look incredulous. Unless he's really thick as well as filthy, he'll surely understand!

Throw them away.

Yep. Cleaning his butt crack is clearly an alien concept.

His toileting habits have caused much friction. To the point that he only started cleaning his skid marks off the toilet bowl when I threatened to take photos, upload to Facebook and tag all his friends and work colleagues. He knows It’s not an empty threat and miraculously learned to clean it.

I’d kick him out but don’t trust him to look after our son properly, so at least this way I have some control (plus he pays half the childcare). Hence he’s now in the spare room!

😂 my apologies! @Emotionalsupportviper

Get him some Domestos wipes. That will sort him out.

Please do ask him about it. What is there to lose, even if it turns out that he's simply never learnt how to wipe his arse properly? In which case you educate him in how it should be done

Educate him?!! Fucking hell. Some people really, really need to raise the bar.

Stick them in a bag and tell him you refuse to wash his shitty undies.

As in the husband?

Good thinking.

But if no one educates him , there is almost zero chance that he will improve.

BTW, Im not sure what you are imagining 'educating' to mean in this context, but imo even just pointing out to him that his pants are shitty and that it is disgusting and unacceptable would fall under the heading of 'educating' him.

Not often does a thread make me want to vomit in my own mouth - yours has succeeded.

Vaguely horrified, but for what it's worth... I thought I was seeing dark skids in my husband pants occasionally, which surprised me as he's very hygienic.

Then I noticed that the mark was quite high up, more towards the waistband. It was only when I saw his bare arse one morning that I noticed - he has psoriasis in his bum crack, the poor man. He gets it on his knees but had never mentioned it there (I've never seen it close up to be honest) - he's a hard worker and when he gets hot and sweaty, the psoriasis flares up and bleeds, so it was actually dried blood in his pants.

@Rebel2 the mind absolutely boggles!! personal hygiene is somehow gay!

tell him he has to hand wash his undies. having his shit rolling around the washing machine with the rest of your clothes is rank.

he needs to hand wash them to get the shit out and then hot wash separately from everyone else clothes.

I'm sure he'll figure out how to wipe properly.

GRIM

When you have a day off, tell him when he gets home from work that the washing machine broke and you couldn't get anybody out to look at it - but no need to panic, as you knew that he needs clean pants for work, so you took a bag of his trolleys from the laundry basket around to his mum's after she kindly offered to wash them whilst your machine is pending repair.

The instant look on his face will tell you whether he is genuinely oblivious to the 'nature trails' that he's been merrily leaving in his smalls for you to have to deal with, or if he has known all along.

I wonder what the dating profiles must read ... "looking for love, romance, and cleaning someone's shitty underwear!"
Accidents due to disability or illness would be understandable (and still not left for you to deal with).
He has absolutely no respect for you, or himself. I couldn't imagine him to be less attractive.

@PrtScn I feel really bad for you reading that, totally understand though with your son. I hope you can get things resolved more to your happiness further down the line.

EW!!

Is he very overweight? Because that can cause issues with effective wiping. And no, I am not offering excuses. Failure to wipe properly, leaving the loo in a mess and putting disgusting pants in the washing basket is vile. And very off putting too. Put the offending items in a bag and tell him you won't deal with them, he sorts them out, one way or another.

I have no idea how to approach with him.

I don't understand how you can be married to and have had children with this man but can't have an honest conversation with him.

"for fucks sake dh gonna wipe your arse, you/your boxers are stinking and I am not going near either, get it sorted" should do it.

Even then, do you really think the wife of a disrespectful man, who used to wipe his bum and for some reason no longer seems to, and who leaves his shit-smeared undercrackers inside out for her to deal with, is responsible for educating him to do better?

The time for education was when he was a fucking toddler.

Now is the time for hardline action. And who gives a toss if he finds that ‘humiliating’, to refer to the fears of the daft posters.

Alternatively, can you get some rolls of the old Bronco bog roll that we used to have in school and make him some new pants out of it? Nothing ever sticks to that

I realise that 'laundry hamper' is a perfectly normal phrase in some parts of the world for the basket/bin in which you deposit your grubby small clothes; but am I the only one thinking that it sounds like the ultimate in PA Christmas presents that you'd give to your worst enemy?!

I love that.