To stop doing DH's washing til he learns to wipe his arse?!

[AtTheEndOfMyWick]

DH and I have a pretty even split of household chores, washing is my job as 1) he doesn't know how to do it and 2) I actually quite enjoy it (until it comes to putting clean clothes away but that's another story...)

We have 3 DC, ages 2, 4 and 6. So doing the washing for everyone is a pretty full on job. DH seems incapable of two things which make it harder for me - firstly he rarely empties his pockets, which I've warned him about so many times.

But the second thing- I have no idea how to approach with him. He has the world's worst skid marks in every single pair of boxers. I just don't understand. Our 2 eldest kids appear to be better at wiping their arsed than he is. It seems to have gotten worse in recent months and its at the point now where I'm sometimes greeted by inside out shit smeared undies when I open the laundry basket, and almost throw up.

Needless to say I've got a case of the ick and can't imagine doing anything close to sex with him as it stands. The whole thing just turns my stomach and I'm sick of it.

What do I do?! How do I approach this with him? Honestly at my wit's end.

@elephantcandle

how can it be related to him driving?

4% saying YABU

i would love to hear from that 4%!!

i would love to hear from that 4%!!

I wouldn't want to meet them in person, though....

He says sitting and being sweaty for extended periods of time.
I say he is just a filthy bastard. I have told him numerous times and said "you are not a goddam toddler, wipe your arse"

maybe putting pants and clothes with stuff in pockets in a separate laundry basket could be an idea.

Talk to your husband. Ask why he is walking around with a shitty arse. Maybe it's medical. Maybe it's a severe lack of respect for both you and himself.

Genuinely, how do you deal with someone who just goes ballistic when you try to approach them with stuff like this???. I get its unacceptable and toxic masculine behaviour but he's not the brightest and so reacts with anger and so I have to "handle" him when it comes to this sort of stuff.

What kind of men are some of you tolerating???

Is he using the anger to make you put up and shut up? And would he be angry with you if you refused to wash his shit-stained pants and made him do it?

Eh? What general type of commentator? It can’t trigger a nerve when I can’t comprehend what you are saying. And anyway, you are the one critiquing my posts!

Again, you are deliberately putting words in my mouth. Where did I say “be kind”?

I’m allowed to have my own pov thank you, even if it does correspond with yours, so I will indeed sigh all I like.

As I posted lower down the thread, one in ten people have bowel issues. It seems sensible to me to rule these out before you go humiliating your spouse about it.

Yes it’s more likely that op’s dh is lazy and entitled and is leaving his mess for his wife to sort out, but it could also be that he is in denial about an embarrassing health problem.

So why not rule out the first possibility before proceeding? And before posting on AIBU?

There are plenty of other people on the thread protesting about the wife being left to do his unpleasant washing so I didn’t feel the need to comment on that myself.

I am allowed to focus on whatever aspect of the issue I like thanks, without your permission!

Just tell him. My husband had the same issue, when I brought it up he was horrified & embarrassed and it hasn't happened since! 😄

Here's a guide for your husband to wipe his Arsehole,💩💩💩💩💩

It's easy as A B C 12 3

Sesame Street

They'll be the ones who, on the off chance this isn't the poo troll getting their kicks, are wondering why the fuck you'd start a thread about your husband's shit.

🤣🤣. This has mad me laugh. They’re so disgusting. My DH use to ball up his dirty socks so that I had to separate them before washing. I got so sick of nagging and nothing changed. As I always pair and ball up the clean socks going into the sock drawers, I would simply put his dirty socks back in with his clean. He’s stopped it now. I’d definitely put your DH’s aside and let him deal with them, IMO it’s laziness on his part.

😂😂😂😂

I have a disgusting anecdote about a shitty-arsed man.

I was at a spin class and as we all got hotter and worked harder I was overwhelmed by ‘that’ smell emanating from the bouncing arse of the man in front of me. I honestly nearly walked out. The fan was blowing it directly at me and the hotter he got, the worse it got. It was truly revolting. It was like the smell of poo mixed with sweaty arse-crack bacteria.

He was a respectable looking man with a nice car who arrived in a suit before changing into full MAMIL attire. Sounds like he may have been some poor Mumsnetter’s husband.

I have no idea how to approach with him.

If he's not embarrassed about you seeing his shitty boxers (even turns them inside out for you to see it?) he sure as hell shouldn't be embarrassed about you asking him to wipe his arse more thoroughly.

Surely he has something wrong with him??
IBS or similar?
It isn't normal to get faecal matter on underwear, and must smell, and be uncomfortable.

Vomit-inducing.

None of which stops him rinsing them out before putting them in the washing basket.

I remember having just given birth cleaning the loo in the hospital because the person before me had left it in a disgusting state. If you're an adult you can clean up after yourself, unless you're so unwell you are unable to do so, which obviously isn't the case here.

I have a disgusting anecdote about a shitty-arsed man.
😂

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods sounds like the stirring lament of a blues balladeer.

😆

To the commenters helpfully asking why I'm posting on MN - because I don't know what to do! I've struggled with health issues in the last 3 years and I am quite isolated socially at the moment.

It's really reassuring to read the replies- my anger and indignation has risen page by page. I'm in the trenches of parenting young children, juggling health issues and work and it's hard to lose perspective on things especially when it's the day in day out life stuff.

@Barbecuebeans

If you're an adult you can clean up after yourself,

Sadly, a lot of so-called adults are incapable and act like animals. We've just had a carpet fitted by a local independent reputable firm. One of the guys asked to use the loo. After they'd gone, I went in and never seen such a disgusting mess - shit all around the bowl, on the loo seat, and he clearly used the towel to wipe his arse because they was shit all over it. That's the last time I'll be using that firm, and yes, I've emailed the owner to tell him about the disgusting pig of a animal they employ and that I'll not be using them again and telling people far and wide what he did!

I would have thought wondering if it was normal might also be a reason. I mean, my DH is the only man Ive even lived with so I thought it was to some degree normal for men. Now I know it isnt.