DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

I can make a pot of curry for dinner and some nights half is left and some nights it is all gone because we don't eat measured portions every meal. So no, for us, it isn't an exact science where the exact same amount of food is eaten at every meal so I can't eyeball it and decide that this is exactly what everyone will eat for a meal. If someone didn't eat lunch or they ate a late lunch or they are not feeling well or they did a massive workout - they might eat more or less. We often have leftovers because I don't make exact portions. I make a meal and people eat it based on their hunger - they don't each get 250 ml of curry or a 6ccm x 6 cm sq of lasagna. I had no idea this was a foreign concept to so many. Sometimes they eat more than other times and we have varying amounts of leftovers and might or might not be enough for another meal depending on how hungry people are tomorrow and how much is left by the time the meal comes.

I’m not ‘trying to quiz’ you. I’m addressing what the post is about, which you refuse to do. I haven’t asked you a single question (so, you’re the one arguing an imaginary position).

I’ve also addressed everything you’ve said.

And, again. As you’re having disagreements with multiple people on this thread, who have also responded to things you’ve said, perhaps consider the issue is what you’re saying - not everyone else’s reading capacity.

So because I'm not precisely on topic, you agree with other posters that it's OK to react negatively by calling me abusive names and fat shame me?

I haven't commented on the reaction of the op, her husband or her poorly children. I haven't abused anyone. I haven't called people names. I just suggested how I'd turn the situation to work out better for me, personally. And then people went crazy calling me a troll and handmaiden because I didn't kick off about the behaviour of a man. Seems to me like the op had the situation in hand.

I've eaten leftovers yes. I've never arrived home, having already eaten my dinner, and had a tantrum because dinner wasn't sitting waiting for me though. Most people have the nous to realise that if you have eaten your dinner, you won't then have any dinner.

I was basing it on the response on here of people saying he is a selfish asshole and OP should tell him so. My response was to the advice being given. If I followed the responses on here - that is the scenario that would play out.

Threads evolve. Not every post is directly to the OP. They are discussion posts.

This happens frequently in my house. There are three of us, all adults, like lots of food.
We just adjust for less the second night and pad it out with chips or something.
No drama. No one posting on MN. No accusations of greedy husbands and poor starving children or mental load etc.
How some of the posters on this thread manage to stay married is beyond me, especially the ones drafting those interesting text messages.....🤷‍♀️

I was basing it on the response on here of people saying he is a selfish asshole and OP should tell him so.

He's not a selfish asshole because he ate something that wasn't for him, he's a selfish asshole because he ate specifically his dinner for the next day and then, from his response, clearly expected OP to give up hers so he could still have it, or cook again when she'd told him she didn't want to and was saving that one specific thing so she didn't have to.

Nope. You said you didn’t get why posters were reacting negatively towards you and I told you. I neither agreed nor disagreed. Nothing to do with me.

If you’re not going to answer my question (and you appear to be refusing to do so), then there’s no point to this exchange.

Perhaps tag one of the people that’s allegedly abusing you and complain about it to them as I’m here to talk about the issues in the OP. Your feelings of being persecuted for your love of snacks don’t really interest me.

I ask or I make x amount and people eat what they want. I don't cook exactly the same portion for everyone nor do I measure to be sure everyone had exactly 250 ml of soup. I have a general sense of appetites but I don't know on a day to day basis how hungry each person will be. I throw a lot in the slow cooker and those that are hungry eat more and those that aren't hungry eat less. If there are leftovers, they often get eaten at night or taken for lunch. We don't track exactly how much food each person eats. If I see there is only a less than enough portion of a leftover for a meal, then we add something else to it. We don't say anyone who ate a second helping yesterday doesn't get dinner today and can make themselves toast.

I am so glad you did what you did OP, he knew full well it was intended for a second meal and it’s so greedy of him to insinuate you and the kids should have eaten less so he could have a third portion.

If I see there is only a less than enough portion of a leftover for a meal, then we add something else to it.

So, you do know what a portion is, then? And you can tell what amount of leftovers is enough to constitute a meal? Thought as much.

Generally - not that I look and say there is exactly four portions left. I eyeball it and say - probably not enough for everyone - going to add more. I would not be able to tell definitely that if there are 3 adult and two child portions or 2 adult and 2 child portions at a glance of a tray because I don't know how much each adult and child will eat and we don't measure out the food.

For most it's not an exact science* *though, and it doesn't have to be exact. Many make food with a pretty accurate estimate based on their families eating habits. That's perfectly normal. Out of those many will allow for some leftovers too.

And then sometimes people make dinners designed to last 2 days so they'll double what they would have put on if it had been just for 1 day. In that case the second portion of the dinner isn't leftovers, it's the next days dinner. What's left from the 1st half would be leftovers.

There can of course be some variation depending on peoples appetites each day, but it tends to even out and as I said it's a normal life skill that people develop where they can accurately assess just how much food to cook the vast majority of the time.

It's like you think some people have families where sometimes one or several are left starving because enough food wasn't put on. Give people on here a bit of credit fgs.
If it was a case where they were regularly short or one or a couple of people regularly wanted more and couldn't have any then they'd adjust their meal planning to account for that.

I ask or I make x amount and people eat what they want. I don't cook exactly the same portion for everyone nor do I measure to be sure everyone had exactly 250 ml of soup.

Nobody does this. You are assuming the portions need to be way more specific than people are actually talking about. Would it make you feel more comfortable if we all just said "roughly enough"? Because that's what people mean.

If you can look at it and go ‘that’s enough’ or ‘that’s not enough’, then you have an idea of how much everyone is going to eat. That’s what knowing if there is ‘enough’ means. Precise measurements of portion sizes not required.

As such, your earlier comments questioning how her DH was supposed to know whether there was enough left for everyone don’t really make any sense. You can do it, she can do it, pretty much every poster on this thread can do it. Why wouldn’t he be able to?

Agree ! If I cook a main meal for husband and the one child I still have at home ,there are no strict rules about portion size 🤷‍♀️Anything left over is for whoever fancies it ,whether that’s later the same day ,tomorrow’s lunch etc .
I definitely wouldn’t get worked up about it and if it involved cooking something extra ie pizza,extra pasta ,garlic bread I would just do it or suggest the alternatives …just not worth getting stressed about .

For what it's worth, I agree.

I'd hate to be in a relationship where I expressed my anger by serving my partner less food than they needed at a meal. It could easily have been padded out for all of you. I might be a bit pissed off but I would just ...say so!

It just sounds really confrontational and doesn't sound like there is a shred of give and take. I wonder how you will negotiate bigger mistakes in future? Or what happens when you screw up?

No I don't do it. I don't look at a pot of soup or curry and say that is exactly 2 adult and 2 child portions but not 3 adult and 2 child portions. If there was leftover lasagna, we would divide it between us - not say there is only exactly 1 adult and 2 child portions so no lasagna for the second adult. The portion size for us is not predetermined that each adult and child will eat x amount therefore this tray or bowl holds 3.2 or 4.5 or exactly 3 servings.

I definitely wouldn’t get worked up about it and if it involved cooking something extra ie pizza,extra pasta ,garlic bread I would just do it or suggest the alternatives …just not worth getting stressed about

Are people never allowed to just not feel like cooking? If you tell someone you have a plan that involves you not cooking because you don't want to, they can just say "nah, you're cooking for me", and you should just ... do it?

Common sense at last!

This happens frequently in my house. There are three of us, all adults, like lots of food.
We just adjust for less the second night and pad it out with chips or something.
No drama. No one posting on MN. No accusations of greedy husbands and poor starving children or mental load etc.

Yeah but when it happens does the person who's eaten more than their fair share have a go at the others?

No I don't do it. I don't look at a pot of soup or curry and say that is exactly 2 adult and 2 child portions but not 3 adult and 2 child portions. If there was leftover lasagna, we would divide it between us - not say there is only exactly 1 adult and 2 child portions so no lasagna for the second adult. The portion size for us is not predetermined that each adult and child will eat x amount therefore this tray or bowl holds 3.2 or 4.5 or exactly 3 servings.

Bloody hell, this might make sense if the lasagne was for ten people, but it's really not that hard to tell that the amount of lasagne needed to feed one adult would look very different from the amount needed to feed two. With that number of people, it's obvious.

As stated in my comment, to which you’re replying Precise measurements of portion sizes not required.

Yes, you do do it. You just said you did. You can tell if it’s enough or not. If I see there is only a less than enough portion of a leftover for a meal, then we add something else to it.

As such, your earlier comments questioning how her DH was supposed to know whether there was enough left for everyone don’t really make any sense. You can do it, she can do it, pretty much every poster on this thread can do it. Why wouldn’t he be able to?

I mean, if there is less than half left, then obviously that's not going to be enough to feed everyone again. No need to measure anything.

I just explained it to you. I don't even get your point. We would not have excluded DH from dinner and told him to eat beans and toast in my house. There would have been a portion for him.