Page 21 | DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

Lolabear38 · 2023-03-21T23:01:48+00:00

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here. Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight. I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too. Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty. DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night! There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

ReedRite · 22/03/2023 17:50

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 17:38

She didn't assess how much her husband was likely to eat. He was still hungry after his allocated portion.

And if you read the thread, there are people fanatic about portions and how everyone gets the exact same portion and this was exactly 8 portions and he ate a portion that wasn't his. Many on here are extreme about portions and that is what I was responding to. They have clearly stated they do not eat or portion based on the individual or the context. That they premeasure and predetermine portions and anyone who eats more than their allocated and determined portion is a selfish asshole. So if he ate a piece of bread and that bread was allocated for lunches - he is a selfish asshole as that was not his portion. Just like since he ate a second helping of lasagna because he was hungry - he is a selfish asshole.

There are a lot of people on here who are very controlling about food. It would never work for us as we are more intuitive eaters and don't eat a set required amount every day. Nor do we controll each other. And if I am hungry, I open the fridge and find something to eat. If my husband was angry that I ate a portion of something that wasn't allocated to me, and so he didn't leave me any dinner the next night and told me to eat beans and toast when I came home late after a long day of work and then told me I was a selfish asshole when I was annoyed, I would not say yes dear, you are right. I am sorry, I was an asshole, I will always ask you before I eat any food and will only eat the portion that you tell me I can.

Show quote history

Not sure if you were aiming for this, but your post smacks of smug judgement in places. Congratulating yourself for ‘eating intuitively’ and looking down on people who expect meals to be eaten at mealtimes, for example.

Maybe it didn’t cross your mind that some people need to make sure food set aside for meals isn’t snacked on, for reasons of budget or time/energy?

Also, you assume OP’s husband was hungry and that was the reason he ate a second portion on the first night and her portions were therefore inadequate, despite him being told it was for the next day’s dinner. But we don’t know this, he might just have fancied it.

If he chooses to eat his dinner the night before, that’s his choice. No reason for OP to put herself out to cook again another time, especially given her kids are sick. He’s an adult, he can fend for himself.

YearsOfStagnation · 22/03/2023 17:52

M340 · 22/03/2023 17:46

@YearsOfStagnation

I absolutely don't have a low bar. What a bizarre thing to say. My DH is kind, and considerate, and when I told him I had an extra helping of pasta last night his reply was simply 'I'm glad you liked it'.

It's my turn to do dinner tonight and I will be sending DD in with the remains of the pasta tomorrow.

I don't have a low bar. You just hate men.

No. I have a decent and respectful husband and adult son. And decent men friends. I would not settle for anything less.

Souleater · 22/03/2023 17:53

Why would she need to give him a heads up that he already ate the food she planned to serve for dinner? He knew he ate it.

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 17:53

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 17:40

The part in bold relates to your prior comments. Specifically:

You’d ‘Have something else and turn the little bit of lasagne into a lunch or something.’

‘On average men are bigger than women and on average bigger people need to eat more. That's not sexism, it's biology.’

‘Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame.’

All of which disregards the fact that he agreed it was enough, then kicked off about not being catered to sufficiently.

Show quote history

My comments are about what I would do, in my household, in response to someone asking me about that. They’re not about OP, so things about OP’s situation aren’t really relevant. If that’s how they do it, that’s how they do it.

My remark about men eating more on average was a response to general comments on the thread about men eating more being some sort of manifestation of patriarchy, as you know (I even quoted one of them about “penis portions”). Again, not about OP and what she should or shouldn’t have done.

I feel like you’re trying to pick a fight where there simply isn’t one to be had. I take a different approach to OP. People are different. It’s not really something you can argue me out of.

Botw1 · 22/03/2023 17:53

@musingsinmidlife

How do you know how much to cook if you dont do portions?

Do you cook 10 steaks and 3 bags of chips just incase?

MangoBiscuit · 22/03/2023 17:56

Definitely NOT unreasonable OP.

He knew the lasagne was for 2 meals, for everyone, not just him.
He knew he ate extra last night.
He had the option to tell you, therefore giving you warning and a chance to make something else (if you wanted to)
He had the option to tell you and check if he needed to grab something else on the way home.

Instead he chose to eat today's dinner, and either just expected everyone else to go without a full portion, or expected you to just fix it for him, without bothering to warn you. Either way he's a selfish arse.

Who the hell nicks food and expects children who are recovering from illness to just have less. Selfish, selfish arse!

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 17:57

2023a · 22/03/2023 17:46

I didn’t insult or fat shame you. She didn’t want a snacky alternative, she wanted the meal she’d prepared. So she had it. Your delight in crisp sandwiches is neither here nor there.

I’ll ask again - do you not see the problem with her husband kicking off about that? As you stated you don’t see what the fuss is about.

Show quote history

You didn't but lots of others have, including making fun of me because I must be obese. Nice. And why? Just because I'm happy to have a fast food alternative to a cooked meal. I actually gave a list of things I'd be happy to eat as an alternative.

I don't see what the fuss is about over me choosing to have an alternative. People have called me names because I'm not bothered if my husband or my kids, or my family, or my friends want my food and there's an alternative I'm happy to have. I swap or share food when I go out quite without a second thought.

aSofaNearYou · 22/03/2023 17:58

Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame. As I've said, I can see that you might need a more regimented approach if you're on a strict budget but other than that, I'm surprised to be such an outlier.

He didn't forget it was being saved, he chose to eat it knowing it was being saved. and it wasn't just being saved for the sake of it on a day they'd have been happy to cook, it was specifically on a day when she did not want to cook and had made that clear.

Still, there was no "toast of shame". There's no reason at all to think OP was trying to punish him by not choosing to sacrifice her own food for him. They just agreed there was the perfect amount for the next night, he chose to eat his early, and she ate hers at the time they'd planned and left him to sort himself an alternative because she'd told him she didn't want to cook that night and, as you've said many times, it's not that hard for him to make himself something else

There would have been no argument if HE hadn't been angry about this. How you cannot see that is absolutely mind boggling.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 17:58

Ultimately people eating whatever they want whenever they want, even with the one acknowledged limitation of one person not eating the whole lasagne, is an approach that requires a degree of abundance. Not just money to buy the food, but also energy, time, space and bandwidth to cook it and, when there are dependent children, for someone to do the work of making sure they're fed too.

Home made lasagne is more time consuming than a lot of meals, and also contains beef and cheese which are more expensive than many typical family meals would be. I realise many MNers dine mostly on swan and vintage champers and think nothing of cooking vast meals from scratch daily, and I expect we're about to hear from some of them now, but for mere mortals, this is a weeknight meal that's at the more abundant end of the spectrum. And OP has told us that part of the abundance equation, ie the bandwidth part, was missing today. Which is why someone intuitively snacking on their portion of the lasagne and not bothering to mention it wasn't going to work.

Botw1 · 22/03/2023 18:04

aSofaNearYou · 22/03/2023 17:58

Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame. As I've said, I can see that you might need a more regimented approach if you're on a strict budget but other than that, I'm surprised to be such an outlier.

He didn't forget it was being saved, he chose to eat it knowing it was being saved. and it wasn't just being saved for the sake of it on a day they'd have been happy to cook, it was specifically on a day when she did not want to cook and had made that clear.

Still, there was no "toast of shame". There's no reason at all to think OP was trying to punish him by not choosing to sacrifice her own food for him. They just agreed there was the perfect amount for the next night, he chose to eat his early, and she ate hers at the time they'd planned and left him to sort himself an alternative because she'd told him she didn't want to cook that night and, as you've said many times, it's not that hard for him to make himself something else

There would have been no argument if HE hadn't been angry about this. How you cannot see that is absolutely mind boggling.

All of this

The mental gymnastics and arsehole apologists on this thread to justify pretty poor behaviour is unbelievable!

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 18:05

aSofaNearYou · 22/03/2023 17:58

Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame. As I've said, I can see that you might need a more regimented approach if you're on a strict budget but other than that, I'm surprised to be such an outlier.

He didn't forget it was being saved, he chose to eat it knowing it was being saved. and it wasn't just being saved for the sake of it on a day they'd have been happy to cook, it was specifically on a day when she did not want to cook and had made that clear.

Still, there was no "toast of shame". There's no reason at all to think OP was trying to punish him by not choosing to sacrifice her own food for him. They just agreed there was the perfect amount for the next night, he chose to eat his early, and she ate hers at the time they'd planned and left him to sort himself an alternative because she'd told him she didn't want to cook that night and, as you've said many times, it's not that hard for him to make himself something else

There would have been no argument if HE hadn't been angry about this. How you cannot see that is absolutely mind boggling.

??? You’re replying to a post I wrote about what I would do by telling me it’s not what OP did. I know that 😂 I haven’t said OP has done anything wrong or blamed her- in fact I’ve quite explicitly said that if that’s how they do things in her household then I can see why she’s annoyed. Read my actual posts before getting cross about what I can and can’t see.

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 18:05

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 17:53

My comments are about what I would do, in my household, in response to someone asking me about that. They’re not about OP, so things about OP’s situation aren’t really relevant. If that’s how they do it, that’s how they do it.

My remark about men eating more on average was a response to general comments on the thread about men eating more being some sort of manifestation of patriarchy, as you know (I even quoted one of them about “penis portions”). Again, not about OP and what she should or shouldn’t have done.

I feel like you’re trying to pick a fight where there simply isn’t one to be had. I take a different approach to OP. People are different. It’s not really something you can argue me out of.

Show quote history

Still staunchly refusing to address the fact that he agreed it was enough, then kicked off about not being catered to sufficiently. Which is what this thread is about. Interesting.

I haven’t tried to ‘argue you out of’ anything. I’ve responded to things you’ve said.

As you’re having disagreements with multiple people on this thread, who have also responded to things you’ve said, perhaps consider that you’re the one picking fights.

Hawkins003 · 22/03/2023 18:09

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/03/2023 14:38

Always.

But that doesn't mean that Mam has to go without so that Dad can have a portion of food he isn't entitled to.

Show quote history

That's very true, I should of said that.

2023a · 22/03/2023 18:10

MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 17:57

You didn't but lots of others have, including making fun of me because I must be obese. Nice. And why? Just because I'm happy to have a fast food alternative to a cooked meal. I actually gave a list of things I'd be happy to eat as an alternative.

I don't see what the fuss is about over me choosing to have an alternative. People have called me names because I'm not bothered if my husband or my kids, or my family, or my friends want my food and there's an alternative I'm happy to have. I swap or share food when I go out quite without a second thought.

Show quote history

None of which has anything to do with what I asked.

People are reacting negatively to your comments because they do not address what the thread is about. Your list of alternative foods included.

So, are you going to answer the question? Do you see the issue with her husband kicking off or not?

CountZacular · 22/03/2023 18:10

And if I am hungry, I open the fridge and find something to eat. If my husband was angry that I ate a portion of something that wasn't allocated to me, and so he didn't leave me any dinner the next night and told me to eat beans and toast when I came home late after a long day of work and then told me I was a selfish asshole when I was annoyed, I would not say yes dear, you are right.

At least try to go like-for-like. In this scenario you would be the one coming home and calling your husband a selfish arsehole.

Mortimercat · 22/03/2023 18:16

stayathomer · 22/03/2023 13:48

If DH ate a bowl of soup I had earmarked for my lunch I would …. eat something else!
This is lasagne though, which has at least an hour's work of cooking and prep and tastes so much better!

No it was a bowl of soup. I was responding to another poster that said she has just had the most furious row ever with her husband because he ate some left over soup.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/03/2023 18:17

Cavies · 22/03/2023 10:40

You are quoting me incorrectly.

I am embarrassed for her DH to have shown himself to be so greedy he thinks his family should have less and his response to being called out is to call her selfish.

If you can’t understand posts suggest you don’t passive aggressively reply to them.

Show quote history

Oh the irony of your final sentence 😂

I was responding to your post, which I understood perfectly well, being able to read and everything, and, while implying my agreement that the DH’s behaviour was embarrassing, added that there was a lot more that was embarrassing about this thread.

Nothing passive-aggressive about it at all, but I don’t think you actually understand what that means anyway.

aSofaNearYou · 22/03/2023 18:18

??? You’re replying to a post I wrote about what I would do by telling me it’s not what OP did. I know that 😂 I haven’t said OP has done anything wrong or blamed her- in fact I’ve quite explicitly said that if that’s how they do things in her household then I can see why she’s annoyed. Read my actual posts before getting cross about what I can and can’t see.

But you are disagreeing with people, and expressing bafflement, when they are responding to OPs specific scenario.

People aren't saying they are extremely rigid about all portions and would be furious at their partner's for ever eating more than their share. They are saying they agree he was being a twat in the specific situation she has outlined. So why are you so baffled?

Nanny0gg · 22/03/2023 18:21

Radyward · 22/03/2023 00:16

So what if He ate another slice !! It was yummy and He is a man so its likely He has a big appetite. .
Ok you had din din planned for this pm-knew ye would be short for Tonight. He was at work all day while you also worked in the home. I would be mightily fed up if I was him. You were deliberately inconsiderate esp knowimg his dinmer would be tiny.you could have thrown on a bit more pasta/ or even forwarned him re - tiny meal .it feels punishment for daring to have the munchies the night before -very petty OP.
Ye have a home that ye live and he has every right / not to chomp on more lasagne. Your reaction and behaviour is a bit seargent major
You need to apologise

You are totally off your rocker!!

Apologise? She bloody well should not!

Botw1 · 22/03/2023 18:21

To all those saying why should the oh be ashamed for eating what he liked, why arent they applying that logic to the op?

The problem isn't that the oh had seconds

The problem is that the op ate asuxh as what she wanted from what was left and he was pissed off with her !

How can that be justified?

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 18:22

Newhousewhodis · 22/03/2023 18:05

Still staunchly refusing to address the fact that he agreed it was enough, then kicked off about not being catered to sufficiently. Which is what this thread is about. Interesting.

I haven’t tried to ‘argue you out of’ anything. I’ve responded to things you’ve said.

As you’re having disagreements with multiple people on this thread, who have also responded to things you’ve said, perhaps consider that you’re the one picking fights.

Show quote history

But I’m not talking about OP. I haven’t said she’s done anything wrong. I’ve only remarked on the different approaches people have to how they share food and expressed surprise about it, in response to which you’re trying to quiz me about things OP’s husband said. Your questions are completely unrelated to anything I’ve said so how can I respond? I have already said that, given that’s how they do it in OP’s household, I can see why she’s annoyed.

It is possible to do things differently without that being an implied criticism of somebody else. We don’t all have to be exactly the same.

I’m going to leave this now as I am tired of making the same points so many times to people who haven’t read my posts and are arguing with an imaginary position.

Mojoj · 22/03/2023 18:24

Greed is such an unattractive quality, isn't it? Good for you leaving the greedy bastard to make his own dinner.

Moser85 · 22/03/2023 18:30

Botw1 · 22/03/2023 18:21

To all those saying why should the oh be ashamed for eating what he liked, why arent they applying that logic to the op?

The problem isn't that the oh had seconds

The problem is that the op ate asuxh as what she wanted from what was left and he was pissed off with her !

How can that be justified?

OP is also getting shit for arguing with him over it and calling him selfish, even though it was him who argued with her and called her selfish 🙄

Botw1 · 22/03/2023 18:32

@Moser85

It's ridiculous!

aSofaNearYou · 22/03/2023 18:35

@WendyCraig If you're not talking about OP at all, then wtf was this about?

Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame. As I've said, I can see that you might need a more regimented approach if you're on a strict budget but other than that, I'm surprised to be such an outlier.

Because it sounds like you're describing what happened with OP and her DH. If all the other factors were different and this had just been a normal day where OP had expressed no particular desire to avoid cooking, and it had been her that got angry rather than him, the people you're disagreeing with would have responded differently.