DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

Because I think lasagne is nice. But I love crisp sandwiches. I don't know why you find that weird but...🤷

It’s almost seems like your husband has to ask permission/inform you if he eats food in his own home! I get it you’re tired etc but does it really warrant a threat?

He clearly can and does eat what he wants but why does that warrant him then moaning at OP and expecting the cooking fairy to produce a new meal? I'm sure she wouldn't have cared if he'd just sorted himself out with an alternative.

Oh well if you know women know this, why did you feel the need to explain it to us (and me again just now)?

As opposed to you telling everyone else that they’re doing it wrong? There is nothing to be gained by you continuing to tell us all how ‘baffled’ and ‘surprised’ you are by what is the basic day to day of most households.

Great that your approach works for you and your family. It clearly doesn’t for the majority of people, including the OP. It is impossible to cook so that everyone has unlimited amounts of food, so portion sizes exist and people in a household know what said portion sizes are.

In this instance, there was enough left for two adult and two kid portions, and both adults agreed this. One of the adults then ate an adult portion. His expectation was clearly that either OP and/or the kids would go without/have less or that she (who had made it clear she had no desire to cook) would make him or herself something else. He kicked off because she did not do either of these things. This is not reasonable. If he’d come home and made himself an omelette, there would be no post.

It doesn't seem like that at all.
She said it's not normally an issue.
And it was HIM who was awful to her, not the other way around, he actually stated that she should have left him enough, so it's him who seems to think she should ask for permission to go ahead and eat her own dinner.

@Moser85 that's a good point. He ate his share then tantrummed when other people's wasn't left for him.

That is just a bizarre approach! Why would you portion everyone out the same size regardless of their needs or hunger? Seems like a sure thing to both waste food and have hungry people. Your teen boy coming home from soccer practice is going to eat more than your 5 year old picky eater. I am surprised how many portion out the food and decide what each other can eat. We help ourselves to how little or how much lasagna we want. Some days I only want a little of a meal, somedays I am much hungrier depending on dozens of factors - I can't imagine having pre set portions of food decided for me each day by someone else.

Her DH was working late - likely to ensure they have a house to live in and food to eat. He was tired and came home to be told - find yourself some beans and toast. The kids clearly weren't that sick given they had the appetite to eat adult portions of lasagna and salad and corn and garlic bread.

This isn't worth being bloody annoyed or saying F$%& it on either side. Both are tired and clearly grumpy to be nitpicking over lasagna.

Really?! Sounds to me more like she’s the one who is expected to ask permission seeing as he called her selfish for eating her own portion!

Depends on their roles. Maybe she expects the work fairy to produce money each month to pay bills and to buy food.

Where is the threat?

And please note that he’s the one annoyed at her and calling her selfish, not the other way around.

OK but in this situation OP's H didn't want to, he got angry at OP. So it wasn't a case of 'either person whips something up, no problem.'

It was a case of, OP had cooked something and saved the rest, H ate that and was then angry that she didn't give herself and her sick children small portions so that he could have another bigger portion of what OP cooked.

So what happens if it was a pie and your husband decided he wanted the whole thing for himself? Would you smile sweetly and quickly make something else for you and the kids? What if he then decided he wanted that too? Just hand it over to the big guy and thank him for working so hard?

How the hell anyone can make this an issue with the OP is beyond me!!?

The selfish pig showed no consideration whatsoever. Just helped himself and couldn't care less who had to go without. It would be bloody last lasagne I'd be making!!

Classic case of wanting to have you cake and eat it - and then he has the temerity to bollock her because she and the children had eaten their share? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He shouldn't have got any - I'd have stuck whatever was left over in the freezer. He'd had his.

As for portion sizes, wtf is wrong with people? 5 adults in this house - everything gets shared equally. If there's any left and they're still hungry (and it's not being earmarked for another meal) they are welcome to help themselves. Otherwise they've two hands.

Well that didn't happen but if one of us made a pie and we each had a piece and then he or I was still hungry and had another piece - it wouldn't be a big deal. And the next night, we would divide up what was left between those that wanted pie.

So you would still want your share, just like OP did? You terrible woman! 😂

I haven't said anyone is doing it wrong. I've said I'm surprised, and I really am. People I know IRL don't eat in the way people on this thread claim to, with everyone having to have the same set amount. Surely people have different appetites, different nutritional needs?

It's a once in a while crisp sandwich. 😆 It's not a daily occurence. Although I wish it was. I love crisp sandwiches - only with plain crisps, brown bread and flattened down. There are quite a few threads on people's favourite combinations. I love double carbs even though I see that's ultra scary to other people. It's not a sacrifice for me. I've been out with family and friends and someone has said they'd wished they'd ordered what I had. So if I've thought theirs looks OK, I'll swap or go halves. I just don't get the fuss.

My post was in response to @BashirWithTheGoodBeard asking me what would happen in my household if we needed to cook another meal, not what I thought OP should do.

So what happens if it was a pie and your husband decided he wanted the whole thing for himself?

It's a system that relies on you not being married to an arsehole, sure. I agree that if you're married to someone who might decide to take the whole pie for himself, set portions are the way to go 😉

There were 8 portions for 4 people. The DH ate two portions, and that was his share finished.

It's fine to eat it but pretty entitled and selfish to then expect the others to give up theirs for him. Maybe the exception would be if he had put the effort into making it.... but he hadn't.

Op didn't divide the portion of what was left.

And for all of you who portion - I don't quite understand how he would get himself something else to eat? If food is all in predetermined portioned, how do you know if you can have a piece of bread or if it has been portioned out for school lunches? How do you know the cans of beans aren't already portioned for a future meal? How can he take anything from the fridge or cupboard without being in the same situation where he is eating food that has been portioned for another person or another meal. How do you keep count of every item of food to be sure that no one ate a banana or a yogourt that wasn't in their allotted and allowed portion?

That wasn’t what I asked you though, was it? I asked you if you served up a pie and your husband demanded all of it, would you hand it over. Your reply indicated you would still expect your share.

So where is the arsehole line? Is expecting your wife and children to have less so that you can have extra, not crossing the line into being an arsehole?!

It’s not about everyone having the same set amount, but about everyone having portion sizes. So, a standard portion size for OP’s DH might be larger than one for OP and is almost definitely larger than that their kids will be given. It doesn’t matter what the precise portion sizes are, but they will exist in most households and members of said households will be aware of them. Otherwise, most of us (clearly not you) would find shopping for food and cooking meals impossible.

And I’ll repeat this, as you appear to have skipped it:

In this instance, there was enough left for two adult and two kid portions, and both adults agreed this. One of the adults then ate another adult portion. His expectation was clearly that either OP and/or the kids would go without/have less or that she (who had made it clear she had no desire to cook) would make him or herself something else. He kicked off because she did not do either of these things. This is not reasonable. If he’d come home and made himself an omelette, there would be no post.

I suspect many of us would find it rather more of an effort than usual if we'd been stuck in with two ill kids, particularly if that stemmed from one person having decided to eat a large portion of the most time consuming part of the meal. It's one thing not bothering usually when time and patience are both in plentiful enough supply, quite another when they've been severely eroded.