Page 18 | DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:16

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 16:11

What would you do if someone had taken so much that there wasn't enough to do for the next meal even with padding out?

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Have something else and turn the little bit of lasagne into a lunch or something.

I do agree with @musingsinmidlife that it's different if you're broke and really have to make things stretch. But that's not the impression I got from OP.

Obviously the vast majority on the thread do things OP's way not mine. I do find it surprising though. I'm also surprised how many people have said that men eating more food is a manifestation of the patriarchy (a "penis portion" was the grim phrase someone used) rather than a reflection of the fact that bigger people need more food than smaller ones.

CountZacular · 22/03/2023 16:16

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 16:13

As I said earlier. I think the whole thing was petty. They both got into a snit over something that wasn't snit worthy. It works both ways - if you both want to be petty and make a big deal over nothing as they both did then have at it, but it is petty.

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You say this but I don’t see the OP did get into a ‘snit’. She just fed herself and her DC with what was left. That’s really it.

The only one who actually reacted, was petty, got cross and called the other names was her DH. Where is the both ways in this exactly?

ThreeRingCircus · 22/03/2023 16:18

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 16:11

This is where people differ. We do not premeasure portions and tell each person that they can only eat x amount. We make a lasagna and then serve it and some people eat more and some eat less but if someone wants a second piece or a smaller piece - they can have it. It isn't already pre cut into exact portions that are measured out and as we don't control what each person eats at each meal. We could eat half or 3/4 of a lasagna in a meal depending on how hungry people are. For us, it would be strange to pre portion out the food and have a pre determined % of the food to be eaten by each person.

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And that's fine, but the husband knew she was saving it for the next night's dinner because she had been looking after ill children and wanted to have dinner sorted in advance. As I said, I don't think the issue is that he ate extra lasagne it's that he was annoyed with OP and got in a huff. She's dealing with ill kids so ate with them and there was only enough for the three of them, why couldn't he just make himself something else for dinner without getting all shitty?

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 16:19

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:16

Have something else and turn the little bit of lasagne into a lunch or something.

I do agree with @musingsinmidlife that it's different if you're broke and really have to make things stretch. But that's not the impression I got from OP.

Obviously the vast majority on the thread do things OP's way not mine. I do find it surprising though. I'm also surprised how many people have said that men eating more food is a manifestation of the patriarchy (a "penis portion" was the grim phrase someone used) rather than a reflection of the fact that bigger people need more food than smaller ones.

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Who'd be responsible for sorting the 'something else'?

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:20

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 16:13

As I said earlier. I think the whole thing was petty. They both got into a snit over something that wasn't snit worthy. It works both ways - if you both want to be petty and make a big deal over nothing as they both did then have at it, but it is petty.

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Sorry, can you point to where OP got into a “snit”? I see her DH had a tantrum and called her selfish, but I can’t see where she did the same…?

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:21

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:16

Have something else and turn the little bit of lasagne into a lunch or something.

I do agree with @musingsinmidlife that it's different if you're broke and really have to make things stretch. But that's not the impression I got from OP.

Obviously the vast majority on the thread do things OP's way not mine. I do find it surprising though. I'm also surprised how many people have said that men eating more food is a manifestation of the patriarchy (a "penis portion" was the grim phrase someone used) rather than a reflection of the fact that bigger people need more food than smaller ones.

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Sounds like men need to do all the cooking then, seeing as us silly women folk couldn’t possibly understand how much food they need. Problem solved.

Irridescantshimmmer · 22/03/2023 16:23

Then you and the kids have the lasagne and his lordship gets toast.

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 16:23

CountZacular · 22/03/2023 16:16

You say this but I don’t see the OP did get into a ‘snit’. She just fed herself and her DC with what was left. That’s really it.

The only one who actually reacted, was petty, got cross and called the other names was her DH. Where is the both ways in this exactly?

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Snit: "I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty. DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left. There is plenty of bread / baked beans he can make himself"

When someone is bloody annoyed and saying f$&@ it and expecting their spouse to eat bread and beans for dinner - they are in a snit. I don't know the division of responsibility in their home. If they both work and share financial responsibility and both share domestic responsibilities at home or if they have more traditional roles and her DH has all the financial responsibility on him and OP has the domestic responsibility on her - that also plays into this.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:25

musingsinmidlife · 22/03/2023 16:23

Snit: "I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty. DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left. There is plenty of bread / baked beans he can make himself"

When someone is bloody annoyed and saying f$&@ it and expecting their spouse to eat bread and beans for dinner - they are in a snit. I don't know the division of responsibility in their home. If they both work and share financial responsibility and both share domestic responsibilities at home or if they have more traditional roles and her DH has all the financial responsibility on him and OP has the domestic responsibility on her - that also plays into this.

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Ahh got it, it is a case of the man can eat whatever he wants unquestioned and that’s fair, but women and children can’t because if they do, it means they’re in a snit.

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:25

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 16:19

Who'd be responsible for sorting the 'something else'?

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Whoever wanted to. We're all capable of cooking a quick meal.

@Naunet your post doesn't appear to relate to anything I've said.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:30

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:25

Whoever wanted to. We're all capable of cooking a quick meal.

@Naunet your post doesn't appear to relate to anything I've said.

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It relates to this part of your post:

I'm also surprised how many people have said that men eating more food is a manifestation of the patriarchy (a "penis portion" was the grim phrase someone used) rather than a reflection of the fact that bigger people need more food than smaller ones

Clearly men understand their own needs better than women do, so OPs husband can take over the cooking as she’s clearly under feeding the poor lamb.

Back in the real world, the truth is, pretty much everyone in this country, and in the west in general, eats more than they actually need.

CountZacular · 22/03/2023 16:31

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:25

Ahh got it, it is a case of the man can eat whatever he wants unquestioned and that’s fair, but women and children can’t because if they do, it means they’re in a snit.

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Yes, I’m glad that’s cleared up now. I thought eating the food you planned to eat was perfectly reasonable but I think I’ve been womaning wrong. DH was right to eat what he likes and expect to continue to do so the next day at the detriment of the rest of his family. Silly me.

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:33

CountZacular · 22/03/2023 16:31

Yes, I’m glad that’s cleared up now. I thought eating the food you planned to eat was perfectly reasonable but I think I’ve been womaning wrong. DH was right to eat what he likes and expect to continue to do so the next day at the detriment of the rest of his family. Silly me.

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Tut tut! You really don’t need big meals anyway, it’s not attractive in a woman, please prioritise keeping trim for your poor husband 🥺

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:36

Naunet · 22/03/2023 16:30

It relates to this part of your post:

I'm also surprised how many people have said that men eating more food is a manifestation of the patriarchy (a "penis portion" was the grim phrase someone used) rather than a reflection of the fact that bigger people need more food than smaller ones

Clearly men understand their own needs better than women do, so OPs husband can take over the cooking as she’s clearly under feeding the poor lamb.

Back in the real world, the truth is, pretty much everyone in this country, and in the west in general, eats more than they actually need.

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Sorry but I'm still baffled. I haven't said anything about women not understanding men's needs. On average men are bigger than women and on average bigger people need to eat more. That's not sexism, it's biology.

I am in favour of men sharing the cooking though- that's pretty normal, I'd have thought.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 16:37

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:25

Whoever wanted to. We're all capable of cooking a quick meal.

@Naunet your post doesn't appear to relate to anything I've said.

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What happens if nobody wants to?

happysingleversary · 22/03/2023 16:38

My question would be what would his solution be?
Who did he want to have less instead of him?

Moser85 · 22/03/2023 16:39

If they both work and share financial responsibility and both share domestic responsibilities at home or if they have more traditional roles and her DH has all the financial responsibility on him and OP has the domestic responsibility on her - that also plays into this.

She already fulfilled her 'domestic responsibility'. 🙄
Dinner was already made for the next day.

Maybe she shouldn't have went to bed early the day before, that way she could have cooked him something in the evening seeing as he couldn't make something for himself 🙄 then he wouldn't have dipped into the next days dinner.

REignbow · 22/03/2023 16:41

This thread is insane!

@Lolabear38 YANBU!

Looking after kids that have been unwell but still not well enough is hard. My kids are always really grumpy and argue at this stage. Also, they would have a bit of cabin fever being cooped up inside.

If he was still hungry as a grown arsed adult, he could have made toast! The fact that he griped at you, means that it is obviously your job to serve him an adult sized meal.

personally, I would be making him plan, make etc a few meals a week.

ReneBumsWombats · 22/03/2023 16:42

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:36

Sorry but I'm still baffled. I haven't said anything about women not understanding men's needs. On average men are bigger than women and on average bigger people need to eat more. That's not sexism, it's biology.

I am in favour of men sharing the cooking though- that's pretty normal, I'd have thought.

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They may need to eat more, but when a shared meal is made, everyone gets an equal portion and if yours isn't enough, you can bulk it up with something else. If someone in the family has a smaller appetite and is happy for you to have some of theirs, that's fine, but it's neither the default nor your right.

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:45

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 22/03/2023 16:37

What happens if nobody wants to?

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That's not a situation that would arise. It's hardly a great effort to stick some pasta on or make a salad.

Honestly, I get the impression that other people have a much more regimented approach to cooking and eating than we do. We all cook, we all eat the amounts we want rather than assigned portions, it works fine. If my husband were to tell me he was saving something for a particular day and I forgot and ate some of it, we'd just laugh and have something else- he wouldn't eat his share and leave me to eat the Toast of Shame. As I've said, I can see that you might need a more regimented approach if you're on a strict budget but other than that, I'm surprised to be such an outlier.

Moser85 · 22/03/2023 16:45

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 22/03/2023 16:05

How can you not have a predetermined amount of cooked food and therefore a predetermined upper limit to portion sizes unless you cook an infinite amount?

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I'm wondering this myself 😂

Estimating portions and knowing roughly how much food to cook is a basic life skill!

I don't roast 12 chickens for me and my 2 kids, because I know that 1 is more than enough.

If I cook a ham I might get a 3kg ham and plan to do stuff with the leftovers, It is basic common sense to know that it will do for more than one meal because we're not going to eat 1kg of ham each for one dinner 😂

raincamepouringdown · 22/03/2023 16:45

CleaningOutMyCloset · 22/03/2023 13:15

Talk about double standards

The op is being taken to task about not chucking an omelette oin or reminding her dh to get tea on the way home, but why can't her dh have chucked an omelette in the oven rather than eat the next days tea. or offered to get some additional food on his way home.

Come on wives, do you not realise that our husbands require us to mother them, second guess their needs and requirements and not put them out in anyway shape or form

Spot on.

And not only that, she's got cabin fever trying to entertain two children with chicken pox who can't go out!

adriftinadenofvipers · 22/03/2023 16:46

Mortimercat · 22/03/2023 04:47

I don’t try and control what my husband eats. If he wants to eat lasagne after I have gone to bed he is free to do so. I think you were correct to take a normal size portion for yourself and the children this evening and didn’t need to leave him anything, but I would probably have come up with something for DH’s dinner if he was working late.

I assume this man has two functional hands?! Why can't he come up with his own dinner? I thought we'd left the 1950s behind!!

@Lolabear38 you have my sympathy. My H is a fucker for this - eats something that he knows was intended for another member of the family, and the person only finds out when they want to have it. I've repeatedly asked him to check it out first but no, he just helps himself. Before I get slated, there is plenty of food for DH and I buy some things for everyone's personal preferences, including him!! Just bloody selfish.

Oh and I wouldn't eat a crisp sandwich if you paid me. Gross.

WendyCraig · 22/03/2023 16:46

ReneBumsWombats · 22/03/2023 16:42

They may need to eat more, but when a shared meal is made, everyone gets an equal portion and if yours isn't enough, you can bulk it up with something else. If someone in the family has a smaller appetite and is happy for you to have some of theirs, that's fine, but it's neither the default nor your right.

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Thanks, I'll pass that onto my family and let them know we've been doing it wrong 😂

tunamayo81 · 22/03/2023 16:49

Lolabear38 · 21/03/2023 23:01

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

It’s almost seems like your husband has to ask permission/inform you if he eats food in his own home! I get it you’re tired etc but does it really warrant a threat?