DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

Absolutely not unreasonable.
you told him it was for dinner tomorrow. He ate it so can sort himself out.

time for you to go out and have a coffee by yourself and leave him with kids

@Jonei I'll tell DH he's getting loaned out for coffee-making duties 😂

I am making the assumption (which is likely correct) that if someone thinks its the wifes job to do the thinking/reminding in this situation that they take on the mental load all the time, and the husband doesn't.

I wouldn't have left him any.

Oh sorry love, given you'd had it for tea and then ate your portion for supper, I assumed you'd had it then instead of now.

You’re not a fat pig. But you certainly have low standards when it comes to men. And sound like you have some pretty sexist views.

’ if this is your only problem then - just, wow. I honestly have no words’

This is such a thick thing to say. Where did the OP say she had no other problems?

And it appears you have no understanding of the issue being discussed. Try reading the thread again.

This thread is both hilarious and depressing in equal measure.

There were 8 portions of lasagne.

OP and the children had 1 portion each
DH had 2 portions

The next day, there are 3 portions left and DH is angry that he hasn't got a 3rd portion and has to go to the monumental effort of putting some bread in the toaster and warming up some beans. Poor baby. He wanted OP and the children to have less to eat for dinner so he could have extra.

The issue isn't that he ate extra lasagne, it's that he's been a prick about it.

It’s mad that women think it’s the OP’s job to text the husband to remind him that he had eaten lasagne at night.

And that she should pad the leftovers out, eat a crisp sandwich, make him an omelette etc. Perhaps I live in a bubble whilst other women are living dutifully in the dark ages. Some women here really need to learn about feminism. It’s not just about women getting the vote; the smaller stuff matters too.

Surely this thread is tabloid fodder by now.

Seems like he'd already had what he wanted for dinner. So she assumed dinner was over, she wasn't limiting him over dinner. Then she saw there was plenty left so decided it would be perfect for tomorrow.

What you're saying about not understanding portion sizes in general is just odd though. Sometimes portion sizes are a given, say if you make a dinner for 4 and use 4 chicken breasts. Or if the family are overweight and trying to change their lifestyle for healthier eating habits. Portion sizes are not a bizarre concept in any way.

Clearly her pre defined portion sizes aren’t adequate for him because he wanted more that very same night.

I often have food late in the evening, so does my son, not because my dinner wasn't adequate, but because my food has been digested and processed at that point.

HE argued with her.
Should she have let him rant at her and call her selfish?

It would have been a non issue if he hadn't been a shit about it and just made himself something.

It’s simple, while you & the kids have lasagne , salad , garlic bread & corn, He gets corn, salad & garlic bread, he already ate his share of the lasagne, he doesn’t get any more & if he has the audacity to expect some of anyone else’s be prepared to give him the rounds of the kitchen.

if he wants anything else, he can get it himself. He was greedy & selfish.

I think those of us who find the majority view odd would quibble with the whole premise here. There was a lasagne, not 8 individual portions. The husband ate more than 12.5% of it, presumably because he was still hungry after he'd eaten 12.5%.

The whole notion of everyone having an assigned helping which they mustn't exceed is a bit odd if you're used to adults being allowed to help themselves to their own food. Op thought there was enough for two meals. Turns out there wasn't quite enough for that. In our house this would just mean we'd add a salad or a pudding or something, not expect the person who'd eaten more one day to go without the next.

Obviously if assigned quantities are how it goes in OP's house then that's up to her, and it probably is annoying if someone exceeds their share then expects more. But to me it sounds more like how a student flat share might deal with food, not a family. We're all different, I guess.

How can you not have a predetermined amount of cooked food and therefore a predetermined upper limit to portion sizes unless you cook an infinite amount?

Having a crisp sandwich is not taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity happily provided to you by King Husband's eating too much lasagne.

😂

What if someone had still been hungry the first night and wanted a second helping? Would they not be allowed it? It isn't clear how defined it was that there was exactly only the right amount left for the next night. If we have leftovers, we divide them up - sometimes there isn't enough leftovers for everyone to have a full portion but we don't get angry that someone was hungry the night before and ate more. Maybe they are very short on money and needing to ration food and in that case I can see being upset because the children would otherwise go hungry but we don't control what other people eat and our portions are not exact to say if you eat another bite, there won't be enough left for tomorrow.

I don't know if OPs husband knew that what was left was only allowed to be eaten tomorrow versus thinking there was enough to have another portion and still have enough to share tomorrow.

So why does it only work one way then? OP and the children ate what they wanted and then he called them selfish because it didn’t leave enough for him. Why can only the man eat unrestricted, free of any criticism or consideration for the rest of his family?

@WendyCraig I'm not a specific portion size kind of household either, and when DP and I say there's enough left for leftovers tomorrow we usually end up making the mutual decision to gorge on it later that night and end up without enough left.

But that's not the point.

On this specific occasion, OP had a specific reason to want that food to be left the next day. She told him about it and told him that was her plan. She told him she wasn't planning to cook the next day. If he wanted a cooked meal the next day he had every opportunity to eat something else that night so there would be enough lasagne for him the next day. He chose not to do that, and instead to ignore everything she'd told him and the fact that she didn't want to be doing any food prep the next day, and put her in a position where she either had to bulk out the meal and split it between everyone - hence doing the food prep she'd told him she didn't want to do - or not have enough for everyone.

This is where people differ. We do not premeasure portions and tell each person that they can only eat x amount. We make a lasagna and then serve it and some people eat more and some eat less but if someone wants a second piece or a smaller piece - they can have it. It isn't already pre cut into exact portions that are measured out and as we don't control what each person eats at each meal. We could eat half or 3/4 of a lasagna in a meal depending on how hungry people are. For us, it would be strange to pre portion out the food and have a pre determined % of the food to be eaten by each person.

What would you do if someone had taken so much that there wasn't enough to do for the next meal even with padding out?

He’s being greedy and not thinking of you, plus the DC being sick and you looking after everyone.

He should be offering to cook a meal for you really. He could make himself something, listen to you or get a takeaway.

I’d be pissed off too.

Mums Net First World Problems

As I said earlier. I think the whole thing was petty. They both got into a snit over something that wasn't snit worthy. It works both ways - if you both want to be petty and make a big deal over nothing as they both did then have at it, but it is petty.

I don't know if OPs husband knew that what was left was only allowed to be eaten tomorrow versus thinking there was enough to have another portion and still have enough to share tomorrow.

I doubt it would be that difficult to figure out!

No I'm not confused, I understand what she is saying, I just don't agree that it's a serious problem, or any kind of problem that her husband wants extra lasagne. I really don't think this should be an issue at all - though I agree with another poster who said that if she's tired, why is she making lasagne at all. I think it's normal for someone who is hungry to dip into what is in the fridge and I can actually understand why when challenged on this, you might feel in a bit of a bad mood.

Everyone is entitle to their own opinion of course - but I personally wouldn't see this as a big deal, or even a medium or small sized one and would happily let him have the damn lasagne. If he spoke rudely to me if I did have a moan about it (v. unlikely_, I'd be admittedly be a lot more pissed off about that - and even though I'd understand to a point, I'd probably let him have it for that (speaking rudely) but not about the lasagne, which I don't feel is a sin.

Really? Unless you have premeasured portions and know how hungry everyone will be the next day - most people just divide up the leftover after they eat it the first time. How exactly would you determine if there was 4 or 5 portions of lasagna left in a tray?