DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

I have got a low bar with men because I don’t argue with my husband over lasagne or soup?!

No you have a low bar because you think it's fine for a man to fuck up and then berate his wife as if it's her fault that he fucked up. But I don't think you're ever going to understand that so I'm clearly wasting my time.

If only she'd cooked the mumsnet magic chicken that feeds 6 folk for 9days.Makes soup,risotto,casserole, sandwiches, and pasta and still yield a few scraps

Perhaps the OP's H thought it was a mumsnet magic lasagne?

I had 2 helpings of pasta and pesto last night. Oooo shame on me what a fat pig I am.

You should have shared it with the ops husband. You didn't need that much.

#selfish.

Perhaps the OP's H thought it was a mumsnet magic lasagne?

The ones made of minimal ingredients and feeds a small village for a year?

I agree with the low bar thing on here.
But hey if you want to spend your lives wiping some lazy selfish bloke's backside feel free. I suspect there's some suppressed unhappiness though hence the need to berate other women with higher standards.

At least these threads make me appreciate my lovely considerate DH who is as good at cooking and cleaning as he is at DIY and also brings me coffee in bed.

Yes, it's just food but the reality is that food needs to be eaten every day, preferably three times a day, and one of those meals probably needs to be a hot meal that someone goes to the effort to cook. So a selfish behavior that isn't "called out" and fixed, turns into a selfish expectation and a selfish habit and a distorted way of treating the woman in the family where, if there's insufficient food for dinner, the family accepts it as normal that the woman (not the man, never the man) eat a "crisp sandwich" instead of a real dinner.

Nip this in the bud before it becomes a norm in your family.

FrostyFifi What about the women who can't have men like that because they're all snapped up by women like you? You should be sharing.

#boastful
#greedy
#coffeeMakerHogging

the family accepts it as normal that the woman (not the man, never the man) eat a "crisp sandwich" instead of a real dinner.

Indeed.

Well done!

My mother always said "Be kind", "Be the better person" and "Two wrongs don't make a right" and similar bollox, thus training me up for a lifetime of doormattery.

It has taken me nearly 70 years to get to the stage you are at now.

Why the hell are women expected to suck up every bit of bad, thoughtless or selfish behaviour from men and kids?

WOMEN ARE PEOPLE, TOO!

I still don’t get this portion nonsense. How is it up to the OP to decide what her husbands portion is?! When we eat, the food is out on table and everyone takes what they want! If I’m dieting I’ll take a teeny bit, if im not I’ll take a standard amount, kids will vary - on how much they like said dish and what they’ve eaten that day (could be anything from a little kiddie portion to a normal adults size plus seconds) and DH will generally eat a shit load of everything. I don’t understand how you can have pre defined portion sizes, in a normal family with varying appetites and situations.

Clearly her pre defined portion sizes aren’t adequate for him because he wanted more that very same night. Unless he’s a fat greedy man who eats too much it seems to be that basically, the OP didn’t make enough lasagne for 8 covers. End of.

That said, I think if the OP has 2 ill children at home and is tired and cabin feverish she shouldn’t fanny around making lasagnes! Get a a bloody take away and give the kids fish fingers!! Make life easy x

Sorry, my reaction by the looks of things isn't typical but I do think you're being totally unreasonable and if this is your only problem then - just, wow. I honestly have no words. You're seriously moaning because your partner ate some extra lasagne? JFC

<chef's kiss>

Simples. Your selfish DH makes his own meal tonight while the rest of the family has lasagne!

started dishing up the spoonful for his meal and that stopped him- if he clearly thought he’d left enough left for another meal then he could have it!

🤣 Sounds like a very good approach.

This.

You seem confused, HE was the one moaning and calling OP selfish because he couldn’t have extra lasagna.

Obviously people will want different levels of food but surely you must realise there are some limitations to that? The most obvious one being that there needs to be enough left for everyone to have some. If one member of your family wanted the whole lasagne, would that be fine? Obviously not. There's an obvious expectation that the food be fairly shared between everyone. So "if you have more now, there won't be enough for everyone tomorrow and you'll have to go without" is not an unreasonable thing to say.

And him wanting more later does not indicate she didn't make enough. I always want a snack before bed regardless of how much I ate at dinner time. It's because my appetite only takes a few hours to flare back up, and I am greedy. Not because my dinner was small.

@SophieinParis

No reason why husband could not have eaten something else as a dessert or snack later, though?

I still don’t get this portion nonsense. How is it up to the OP to decide what her husbands portion is?!

Why do you think that she did?

Her husband ate what he wanted didn't he?

Theres always one 🙄. She doesn't need to apologise. He does.

Exactly.

Fucking hell, it's absolutely mind boggling that anybody could think this way.

What the hell has she got to apologise for??

He saw how much lasagne was left when he got his extra portion the night before. Why is he less capable than she is of calculating whether that left less than half of what they ate that night, meaning there wouldn't be enough for another night? He was aware there wouldn't be enough sooner than she was.

So, this is what everyday misogyny is. It’s not the big things, it’s the little things. the drip drip drip of tiny acts of disrespect or disregard.

All the women who read this post and think OP should have (insert way of catering to her husband being greedy) as opposed to said husband not being greedy OR not kicking off because she didn’t sufficiently cater to him…some of these women are raising daughters in whom they will instil this sort of attitude.

And this is why, in a decade, twenty years, in perpetuity, we will have women who have been socialised from birth by other women to put men’s needs before their own.

These women are also raising sons. Which is why we’ll also have an inexhaustible supply of entitled dickheads to take advantage of the generations of women referenced above.

It’s the fathers’ fault, as well. But, it’s mums posting here. And it’s deeply depressing.

No reason to assume that I can't do anything nice for anyone when I am discussing one specific incident. It very much is about the mental load.

A day when a mother thought dinner was already made, which she was relieved about due to having sick kids and a hard day, she didn't know her husband helped himself the night before because he didn't bother to say or text so she went along with her previous plans, and her husband was a shit to her.

You seem to be missing the part where he wasn't nice to her though!!
That's what the thread is about. That's what people are responding to.